What is the place between "I can't do this another day" and doing it??? That is where I feel I am right now. I certainly can see how one could get sucked up in the I can't do it mentality. (a few low energy days will do that to you) The funny thing is you think "I can't do this" but you are doing it everyday. Why do our brains try and lie to us about what we are capable of? We are all capable of much more than we realize. I do feel that laughter and good people are the reason I am up most days. Even on my lowest day this last weekend the kindness of people lifted me right back up to where I mentally needed to be (physical is out of control at times). It appears to be a 60/40 deal....60% mental and 40% the other stuff (They are very intertwined though)
I feel like we are all put here for a reason. We pray for things and in ways in which we don't understand we receive them. I prayed for patience many times and to my surprise there was no magic wand granting it to me. If only life were like those fairy tales we all know!! What I was given however was opportunities to practice that skill. Most of the opportunities I failed miserably! What stops us from using these ups and downs that we ALL have in life as opportunities to learn something new or practice something we are not good at???
I am more determined than ever to feel back to normal. I am going through the day to day motions and not feeling too sick. I am wondering why there is no bounce back this time though. I don't understand how I could bounce back so quickly before and now feel like I am dragging a** most of the time. This pace is not not a welcomed one right now. I am using every ounce of strength that I have to fight and sometimes that leaves my physically exhausted for no outwardly seen reason. Why does everyone else seem to understand this but I can't? Maybe I do, I just refuse to accept this as my reality.
Yesterday, I went to work finally after 5 days of being home. I was so happy to be there. The kids seemed happy too. In fact, 4 girls decided to make me posters that were full of hope and inspiration for me. It was so hard to not break out in tears.... seriously! It was thoughtful and kind and totally on their own. It validates many things that I am trying to accomplish at the school.
On a lighter note, big walk/run for the cancer center this weekend. 13 or 14 people have signed up for TEAM HOLLY! yeah! We should have a good time. Still haven't found the pink Brittany wig that I want but I am sure I will come up with something!!
Working on the new item to bring to the "cocktail lounge" next week...we are going to try and brighten a few lives!! Trying not to count days and just make them count (take my own advice for once)...... but getting closer to the end! OYB (oh yeah babe)
No comments:
Post a Comment