I am sitting here this evening after a long day of kids fighting, snow falling, running kids to schools, working, and I am glad to be done!
My kids feel for some reason that each time they come into the presence of each other that they need to find something to argue about. I thought I would be spared of the drama because they are 3 1/2 years apart, but I guess nobody is exempt. They argue about everything and anything. At times I am lucky and only get physical fights to break up but they always result in massive tears.
I can't help but wonder if I should laugh or cry at this moment because as I sit here typing I am not breaking up fights or being the referee to an argument. I am typing and looking at my two greatest creations sitting right next to each other arms around each other watching TV. It is the reminder needed at the end of a long day that I have everything I could have ever hoped to have. Ciaos or not it is mine!
The Diary of the Bald Woman
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Holiday thoughts
Happy Thanksgiving to all. I am thankful today for many reasons but one I am sure most of you will think is crazy. I am thankful for one year ago today that I found a lump that changed my life. The day before thanksgiving last year I was a normal mom, wife, and woman. I thought my life was great. I chauffeured kids, argued with them, and had what one would consider a 'typical life'. Then that day rolled around and all was changed. I have learned the most important lessons so far this year and for that, I am thankful.
I have learned in this last year how to see good in EVERY single thing that happens in life. I have learned that we are not here forever. I have learned that time stands still, drags on, and flies by all at the same time. I have learned that we as people are never satisfied with anything and always want what we don't have. I have learned that we all are connected with each other and sometimes the things we say can change lives forever. (If that is true then shouldn't we always act as if we are changing something everyday!) I also have learned that because our timeline is unclear we should make the most of each day and enjoy the journey. If we spend our whole lives worrying about the path we forget to enjoy the scenery. I have also learned that when you have no other choice you have to become a strong person. I think that the strongest people are not those who can take the most pain, but the one's who learn the most from it. If you learn something from every life experience aren't you then really living?
I am so blessed to have the most amazing family and friends that any person could ever ask for. I am also both blessed and thankful that I am able to have another day here on this earth. I know that life is constantly changing and we may never have again what we have today, but on this day let us give thanks for those who ARE here and think of the great memories of those who are not. Have happy holiday season.
I have learned in this last year how to see good in EVERY single thing that happens in life. I have learned that we are not here forever. I have learned that time stands still, drags on, and flies by all at the same time. I have learned that we as people are never satisfied with anything and always want what we don't have. I have learned that we all are connected with each other and sometimes the things we say can change lives forever. (If that is true then shouldn't we always act as if we are changing something everyday!) I also have learned that because our timeline is unclear we should make the most of each day and enjoy the journey. If we spend our whole lives worrying about the path we forget to enjoy the scenery. I have also learned that when you have no other choice you have to become a strong person. I think that the strongest people are not those who can take the most pain, but the one's who learn the most from it. If you learn something from every life experience aren't you then really living?
I am so blessed to have the most amazing family and friends that any person could ever ask for. I am also both blessed and thankful that I am able to have another day here on this earth. I know that life is constantly changing and we may never have again what we have today, but on this day let us give thanks for those who ARE here and think of the great memories of those who are not. Have happy holiday season.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Lucky Me
Last night as I was being told for the fifteenth time that day that "I am the best mom ever" I thought....I am the luckiest mom ever. I am sure every mom thinks that but they aren't writing on blogs, I am! That means I get to tell you why I am so lucky. :)
I feel as if I have been given a second chance. I know this may sound strange because I was not KNOCKING on deaths door or anything, but compared to life last year....let's just say, I know where the house is! So with this chance to redo I have learned some valuable lessons. Some of these lessons I have been given over and over and over and over and still can't get them right.
One of these lessons is patience. I am still not great at this, but oh how I have practiced. The newest lesson that I already knew but am not great at is, 'Things are just Things'! Oh boy did I practice this one this week. Let's start with my clothes. I have spilled more on myself than I have made in my mouth. I even managed to get mascara on my shirt?? How does one do that!? Then their is my kids clothes. The cute little outfits that poured my money into have rips, stains, and most recently MARKER! I apparently have a budding artist that simply cannot contain her creativity! Then there is my furniture. I have two super cute dogs, but one is a puppy...need I say more! My yard that was once a beautifully sodded oasis is now filled with holes. Maybe they are just helping me to get the swimming pool I wanted??? Then the couch that I also poured in many hard earned dollars....let's just say we had a snow storm of couch stuffing. (NOT ONCE but THREE times!!) Then to finish this great story off that budding young 3 year old artist found a marker yesterday. She felt that her brothers room was not decorated enough and helped out by making pictures on the walls, closet doors, lamp shade, and the furniture!
Today I want to thank God for helping me learn these valuable lessons in life and ask that he please let them stop now. I get the point! I will now patiently wait for these lessons to be over!!! :)
In all honesty, in the moment I was less than thrilled at these things. Now, I swear, I think it is pretty funny. Don't tell anyone...oops too late for that! Things really are just things at the end of the day. They won't keep you company, they won't cheer you up when you have had a bad day, and they won't tell you after doing all these things that "YOU ARE THE BESTEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD". Lucky me!
I feel as if I have been given a second chance. I know this may sound strange because I was not KNOCKING on deaths door or anything, but compared to life last year....let's just say, I know where the house is! So with this chance to redo I have learned some valuable lessons. Some of these lessons I have been given over and over and over and over and still can't get them right.
One of these lessons is patience. I am still not great at this, but oh how I have practiced. The newest lesson that I already knew but am not great at is, 'Things are just Things'! Oh boy did I practice this one this week. Let's start with my clothes. I have spilled more on myself than I have made in my mouth. I even managed to get mascara on my shirt?? How does one do that!? Then their is my kids clothes. The cute little outfits that poured my money into have rips, stains, and most recently MARKER! I apparently have a budding artist that simply cannot contain her creativity! Then there is my furniture. I have two super cute dogs, but one is a puppy...need I say more! My yard that was once a beautifully sodded oasis is now filled with holes. Maybe they are just helping me to get the swimming pool I wanted??? Then the couch that I also poured in many hard earned dollars....let's just say we had a snow storm of couch stuffing. (NOT ONCE but THREE times!!) Then to finish this great story off that budding young 3 year old artist found a marker yesterday. She felt that her brothers room was not decorated enough and helped out by making pictures on the walls, closet doors, lamp shade, and the furniture!
Today I want to thank God for helping me learn these valuable lessons in life and ask that he please let them stop now. I get the point! I will now patiently wait for these lessons to be over!!! :)
In all honesty, in the moment I was less than thrilled at these things. Now, I swear, I think it is pretty funny. Don't tell anyone...oops too late for that! Things really are just things at the end of the day. They won't keep you company, they won't cheer you up when you have had a bad day, and they won't tell you after doing all these things that "YOU ARE THE BESTEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD". Lucky me!
Mammo fun
Oh mammograms how I love thee, let me count the ways.......
1. The thing they call a gown is really not a gown at all. It is more like a piece of bad fabric with one snap button at the top. (oh,that snap will help keep you covered)
2. The fact they even give you a "gown". This is a humorous concept too. There really is no need for modesty at this point is there. I mean they have seen one and will see the other in a few short squishes....
3. The squishing....need I say more. They are squished till it takes your breath and then they say, OK HOLD YOUR BREATH....TOO FUNNY!
4. The stickers. These are for scars, moles, and a few other spots :) These are actually more painful to pull off at the end than the squishing! That must be why they do it that way. Then when people say, "oh how was the mammogram?" They say, "GREAT" (pain is all relative right?)
5. After the "girls" have been through 2 kids, surgeries, and everything else they have been subjected to...what is a few painful squishes. After all they tried to kill me, so....this is least of their ways to make it up to me. (See therapy has helped me to forgive) They are lucky they are still here! I could have traded them in for a younger model....there is still time! :)
1. The thing they call a gown is really not a gown at all. It is more like a piece of bad fabric with one snap button at the top. (oh,that snap will help keep you covered)
2. The fact they even give you a "gown". This is a humorous concept too. There really is no need for modesty at this point is there. I mean they have seen one and will see the other in a few short squishes....
3. The squishing....need I say more. They are squished till it takes your breath and then they say, OK HOLD YOUR BREATH....TOO FUNNY!
4. The stickers. These are for scars, moles, and a few other spots :) These are actually more painful to pull off at the end than the squishing! That must be why they do it that way. Then when people say, "oh how was the mammogram?" They say, "GREAT" (pain is all relative right?)
5. After the "girls" have been through 2 kids, surgeries, and everything else they have been subjected to...what is a few painful squishes. After all they tried to kill me, so....this is least of their ways to make it up to me. (See therapy has helped me to forgive) They are lucky they are still here! I could have traded them in for a younger model....there is still time! :)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thankful
Thanksgiving is coming up and I am filled with mixed emotions. Almost one year ago this journey began! I can't believe how crazy of a ride this last year was. I am going to be the most thankful person this year. I am thankful for the obvious (my family, a wonderful husband, and my great friends. I am also thankful for my health this year. I am thankful for the this year filled with change and growth. I am thankful that I am now able to help others the way that so many stepped in to help me.
Thanks to each of you who have cared for my family.
There is one more major thing to be thankful for today...a clean bill of health for 3 more months. Mammogram was good today and hopefully the MRI results will say the same in the next few days. It is hard to go in there without being anxious, but it is what it is! No matter what my future will hold I will be fine. I will fight and live thankful EVERY day for the rest of my life.
Thanks to each of you who have cared for my family.
There is one more major thing to be thankful for today...a clean bill of health for 3 more months. Mammogram was good today and hopefully the MRI results will say the same in the next few days. It is hard to go in there without being anxious, but it is what it is! No matter what my future will hold I will be fine. I will fight and live thankful EVERY day for the rest of my life.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Keep trying
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill
I really needed this one today. I keep thinking that I may not be doing the right thing. I dump all my time into this non profit and the return right now is lots of doors slamming in my face. I feel like myself and a handful of others are the only ones who care. I get like this when doors are shut in my face over and over. I think though that my husband is actually a smart guy (I know....) He told me last night that I should keep fighting for those who can't. I will not stop trying to bring awareness and resources for YOUNG women to this community. They don't know (or care) what it is like to be 30 years old in the prime of your youth and BOOM you have a disease that could KILL you! I think that if they could only feel that struggle they too would see these things are needed. I try not to take it personal because it is just what everything around here comes down to...MONEY! So if it's money they want...Money they will get! I will get this childcare for patients done if I have to build it MYSELF. I have failed over and over but I will not let these bumps in the road keep me from trying.
On another note, I am headed today to my DAY OF BEAUTY at the salon that I won as a prize. I get a hair cut and color (yes I finally have enough to cut!!! This is a big day to me!) I get a mani/pedi and a massage! I can't wait and the company will be great too. I love her she is fun!
Have a great day and KEEP TRYING no matter what!!!
Winston Churchill
I really needed this one today. I keep thinking that I may not be doing the right thing. I dump all my time into this non profit and the return right now is lots of doors slamming in my face. I feel like myself and a handful of others are the only ones who care. I get like this when doors are shut in my face over and over. I think though that my husband is actually a smart guy (I know....) He told me last night that I should keep fighting for those who can't. I will not stop trying to bring awareness and resources for YOUNG women to this community. They don't know (or care) what it is like to be 30 years old in the prime of your youth and BOOM you have a disease that could KILL you! I think that if they could only feel that struggle they too would see these things are needed. I try not to take it personal because it is just what everything around here comes down to...MONEY! So if it's money they want...Money they will get! I will get this childcare for patients done if I have to build it MYSELF. I have failed over and over but I will not let these bumps in the road keep me from trying.
On another note, I am headed today to my DAY OF BEAUTY at the salon that I won as a prize. I get a hair cut and color (yes I finally have enough to cut!!! This is a big day to me!) I get a mani/pedi and a massage! I can't wait and the company will be great too. I love her she is fun!
Have a great day and KEEP TRYING no matter what!!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Fighting Myself
I realize I have not been posting so much. I guess the therapy sessions with the whole world are winding down. Maybe I don't need therapy anymore??? I am so busy being a mom, holding a job, cleaning my house, and, oh yeah, running an up and coming non-profit organization. I think I ran myself in the ground doing too many things, and therefore was sick the entire week last week. I decided to allow myself some rest (still very hard for me) and I have to say, I do feel better. Physically anyway! :)
I am fighting a battle each and every day right now, with myself! I have beat cancer and come out of this thing changed. I mean, how could you not, right?! I want something so bad right now that it is the ONLY (no seriously) the ONLY thing I think about all day! You would think because I feel so strongly about this that all I would need to do is just do it right? Nope, I wish it were that simple. There are many other things involved that complicate this choice. Each and every decision we make in our lives leads us to where we are. I know in my heart it is the right thing to do, but...it is not that simple. This choice is in front of me every single day. It the first thing I think about, the last thing I think about, and the path I KNOW in my heart is right. Then why so hard? I wish I knew because then I could stop processing it here in "online therapy" and just be happy. One thing I did learn is that Life is WAY to short and I don't want to miss a second of it!
This weekend cancer took another person from this world. My heart breaks for the family and I think about how I was spared this fate. I know that I am here for a reason. I think I may even know what that reason is, but....how do you really know? How do you really know that you are meant to do something? Is it when that is all you can think about, talk about, and want to do? How can someone be so confident in their path, that they take risks just to get on it? Is that what faith really is? Jumping out towards that path, when you don't even know for sure it exists? Maybe? I wish I knew but I am just a person trying to process a difficult choice in front of the whole world! Maybe I need real therapy! :) At least I can laugh at this time of chaos. I will ALWAYS remember to laugh each day...it is the only way we stay sane!
The more I write the more I become convinced in my choice. Is this even a choice or is this just a lack of courage from me? In all my experiences so far when something just keeps falling in to place and working out for you....it's right! Guess I need to find that Tough Guy that I write about! Funny how you can write about things, tell others what they should do, but for some crazy reason you can't always take your own advice. I know what I would tell myself to do....do I have the guts????
TO BE CONTINUED.....
I am fighting a battle each and every day right now, with myself! I have beat cancer and come out of this thing changed. I mean, how could you not, right?! I want something so bad right now that it is the ONLY (no seriously) the ONLY thing I think about all day! You would think because I feel so strongly about this that all I would need to do is just do it right? Nope, I wish it were that simple. There are many other things involved that complicate this choice. Each and every decision we make in our lives leads us to where we are. I know in my heart it is the right thing to do, but...it is not that simple. This choice is in front of me every single day. It the first thing I think about, the last thing I think about, and the path I KNOW in my heart is right. Then why so hard? I wish I knew because then I could stop processing it here in "online therapy" and just be happy. One thing I did learn is that Life is WAY to short and I don't want to miss a second of it!
This weekend cancer took another person from this world. My heart breaks for the family and I think about how I was spared this fate. I know that I am here for a reason. I think I may even know what that reason is, but....how do you really know? How do you really know that you are meant to do something? Is it when that is all you can think about, talk about, and want to do? How can someone be so confident in their path, that they take risks just to get on it? Is that what faith really is? Jumping out towards that path, when you don't even know for sure it exists? Maybe? I wish I knew but I am just a person trying to process a difficult choice in front of the whole world! Maybe I need real therapy! :) At least I can laugh at this time of chaos. I will ALWAYS remember to laugh each day...it is the only way we stay sane!
The more I write the more I become convinced in my choice. Is this even a choice or is this just a lack of courage from me? In all my experiences so far when something just keeps falling in to place and working out for you....it's right! Guess I need to find that Tough Guy that I write about! Funny how you can write about things, tell others what they should do, but for some crazy reason you can't always take your own advice. I know what I would tell myself to do....do I have the guts????
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Sick
I've been sick this whole week and am wishing I could snap out of this thing. Lungs apparently are very important to your body and when they don't work...not good.
I hate being sick and try as much as humanly possible to ignore it when I am. This time however after pretending for three days that I was fine, I decided to go to the doctor. Respiratory infection...yuck. I like breathing so I decided to rest, drink water all day, and stay home. Mostly I did that, but it is hard for me to stop because if I don't do it...most of the time it won't get done. Oh well there is a time for everything.
I had a nice conversation the other day....
Me: "I feel like I am gonna die" (this is dramatic I know, but i just meant that I felt horrible)
Friend: "Really??" (laughter like crazy)
Me: "What?" (scrunched face wondering what was funny about that)
Friend: "Didn't you just beat cancer? That didn't take you so I don't think a cold will either." (laughing still)
Me: "Yeah but this is way worse" (laughing hysterically at my comment by this point)
Friend: (She thinks I am crazy) Shakes her head and keeps walking
It is all relative right? Sick is half mental and half actually being sick!
Today I am starting to feel better but still not great. I may try to rest today???
On another note, I am very thankful for my life today. I am still going rounds with a difficult choice, but I feel with a bit more time it will go my way! I am thankful for the people in my life that have helped me to get to where I am now and I am thankful that each of them know how much they mean to me. If I was not here tomorrow there would be no questions as to how I felt about all of them. Hug your kids, hug your parents, and tell those people that are important to you how you feel about them. Make it a day: Speak your heart day! If they were gone tomorrow would they know how you felt...give them a great gift and tell them!
I hate being sick and try as much as humanly possible to ignore it when I am. This time however after pretending for three days that I was fine, I decided to go to the doctor. Respiratory infection...yuck. I like breathing so I decided to rest, drink water all day, and stay home. Mostly I did that, but it is hard for me to stop because if I don't do it...most of the time it won't get done. Oh well there is a time for everything.
I had a nice conversation the other day....
Me: "I feel like I am gonna die" (this is dramatic I know, but i just meant that I felt horrible)
Friend: "Really??" (laughter like crazy)
Me: "What?" (scrunched face wondering what was funny about that)
Friend: "Didn't you just beat cancer? That didn't take you so I don't think a cold will either." (laughing still)
Me: "Yeah but this is way worse" (laughing hysterically at my comment by this point)
Friend: (She thinks I am crazy) Shakes her head and keeps walking
It is all relative right? Sick is half mental and half actually being sick!
Today I am starting to feel better but still not great. I may try to rest today???
On another note, I am very thankful for my life today. I am still going rounds with a difficult choice, but I feel with a bit more time it will go my way! I am thankful for the people in my life that have helped me to get to where I am now and I am thankful that each of them know how much they mean to me. If I was not here tomorrow there would be no questions as to how I felt about all of them. Hug your kids, hug your parents, and tell those people that are important to you how you feel about them. Make it a day: Speak your heart day! If they were gone tomorrow would they know how you felt...give them a great gift and tell them!
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