Quote of the Day
Life is half spent before we know what it is.
George Herbert
Not here....Lucky me gets to know what it's about a bit earlier than halfway. I am not going anywhere at 60!!!!! I will be like 90 at least! :)
I heard two stories in the last two days that really shook me. The both had to do with cancer in the brain, both were spread there by another cancer, and both came on very quick. It definitely makes this disease more real to me. When you are fighting this thing you keep your eye on the end. I had so much focus on the "end of chemo" and now the "end of radiation" (which is Aug 17th if you haven't heard)! When you do that, your focus goes there, your anger, your hope, and even your happiness...everything focused on that day. Then the day comes and goes and you begin to think and see and hear about what you have just done. This stupid disease takes lives and it could've taken mine. That is alot to process. I am still here and obviously I have much more work left to do. I have to remind myself more often right now not to focus on that negative side. I will tell you even for Ms. Positivity here that is hard. When you have something that threatens your life it is hard not to think about it. The fact that they can't even tell me 100% that I am done dealing with this (for the rest of my life) is even less comfortable. Doing with style once is one thing...more than once...I am not going to find out.
OK I think I have got all my negativity out for the day...sorry. My heart and prayers go out to each of those families and I hope that a miracle comes their way! (Never know..seen a few in 30 years)
No matter if you are fighting for your life, living your life, or anything in between just remember what it is that is important to you and surround yourself with it.
The Diary of the Bald Woman
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Time
On this blog I get daily quotes and the ones I like the most end up on facebook and here. Yesterday's was this.....
Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.
William Penn
Oh time... How I wish it could just hurry up sometimes. The whole time I am wishing it away I am wasting it.....Time is funny little thing isn't it. It's like everything else we have in our lives is held on to, let go, cursed, praised, kept, forgotten, and too often used poorly. Why are we never satisfied? Watch the movie "Click" for a great example of this. We could have all the time in the world and wish it would "hurry up". How many times have you hurried time with your young children only to wish it would slow down when they are older. Being in the current moment of time is difficult. If we were more content with what we have maybe we could live in the moment more. I have a hard time with this too believe me.
Try this...for one day be totally satisfied with EVERYTHING...the amount of money, kind of house, the screams out of the working lungs of your children, the crappy cold coffee you are drinking, and the constant interruptions when you are trying to type really important information on your blog!!!!! (OK that one was mine) Toss away the watch and for one day do not worry about time. Eat when you are hungry not when it is "time", play, and be in the day and moment not the time. I have done this before (at first it was because of the chemo brain and I couldn't remember the day or time) but now it is fun. I can't live my whole life like that at this moment but sometimes for sure. Caution to you strict schedule followers....You will not like this but it is good for you....I promise!
Good luck and let me know how it goes! (Don't start making excuses for why you can't. If you are a person you can do this...It's ONE day out of your life. You can still do things that are mandatory on a schedule but challenge yourself to do the rest of the day!)
Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.
William Penn
Oh time... How I wish it could just hurry up sometimes. The whole time I am wishing it away I am wasting it.....Time is funny little thing isn't it. It's like everything else we have in our lives is held on to, let go, cursed, praised, kept, forgotten, and too often used poorly. Why are we never satisfied? Watch the movie "Click" for a great example of this. We could have all the time in the world and wish it would "hurry up". How many times have you hurried time with your young children only to wish it would slow down when they are older. Being in the current moment of time is difficult. If we were more content with what we have maybe we could live in the moment more. I have a hard time with this too believe me.
Try this...for one day be totally satisfied with EVERYTHING...the amount of money, kind of house, the screams out of the working lungs of your children, the crappy cold coffee you are drinking, and the constant interruptions when you are trying to type really important information on your blog!!!!! (OK that one was mine) Toss away the watch and for one day do not worry about time. Eat when you are hungry not when it is "time", play, and be in the day and moment not the time. I have done this before (at first it was because of the chemo brain and I couldn't remember the day or time) but now it is fun. I can't live my whole life like that at this moment but sometimes for sure. Caution to you strict schedule followers....You will not like this but it is good for you....I promise!
Good luck and let me know how it goes! (Don't start making excuses for why you can't. If you are a person you can do this...It's ONE day out of your life. You can still do things that are mandatory on a schedule but challenge yourself to do the rest of the day!)
Friday, July 23, 2010
Fear
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anais Nin
Perception is everything isn't it?
Last night my 6 year old son attended a break dance workshop put on by the Massive Monkeez. They were on America's Best Dance Crew and are amazing break dancers. He has been out of break dance class for a few months for summer break. He went to the workshop excited and as soon as he arrived his tone changed. He got very nervous and quiet. Anyone that knows my son knows he is anything but quiet especially when it comes to dancing. When it was time to get up and go in there he said no. He said he didn't want to go. I told him it was time and helped slightly push him in the direction of the door where his teacher stood. His teacher greeted him and said come on. He turned his head and looked at my smile and went in. He took a 2 hour class with kids that were 13-19 years old. Just to remind you he is 6!!! He was intimidated at first but quickly perked up and tried every single thing they were teaching. He didn't get them all right, and some were really challenging for him. I never once saw him quit and never once saw him not try.
He made a choice right there as we all often do. He was afraid. He could have let that fear take over, but he didn't. I am so proud of him pushing through a fear and just doing it. How many times have we as adults chose to not do something based solely on fear? Fear can stop us from so many things in life. It could be fear of rejection, not being good enough, or fear of the unknown. So what to all those fears....what if we are rejected, what if we are not the best, what if we don't know what comes next? I learned a great lesson from my 6 year old last night. No matter what comes at you just keep moving forward. It is like the saying says, "We have nothing to fear except fear itself"
I read the tough guy poem yesterday morning to my son and explained how tough guys are in each of us when we need them. Last night after his workshop I asked him if the tough guy came out and with a big smile he said "I am the tough guy!"
Whatever you may be fearful of today weather it is cancer or a big test remember that we all have a tough guy within us. Have less fear and more faith!
Anais Nin
Perception is everything isn't it?
Last night my 6 year old son attended a break dance workshop put on by the Massive Monkeez. They were on America's Best Dance Crew and are amazing break dancers. He has been out of break dance class for a few months for summer break. He went to the workshop excited and as soon as he arrived his tone changed. He got very nervous and quiet. Anyone that knows my son knows he is anything but quiet especially when it comes to dancing. When it was time to get up and go in there he said no. He said he didn't want to go. I told him it was time and helped slightly push him in the direction of the door where his teacher stood. His teacher greeted him and said come on. He turned his head and looked at my smile and went in. He took a 2 hour class with kids that were 13-19 years old. Just to remind you he is 6!!! He was intimidated at first but quickly perked up and tried every single thing they were teaching. He didn't get them all right, and some were really challenging for him. I never once saw him quit and never once saw him not try.
He made a choice right there as we all often do. He was afraid. He could have let that fear take over, but he didn't. I am so proud of him pushing through a fear and just doing it. How many times have we as adults chose to not do something based solely on fear? Fear can stop us from so many things in life. It could be fear of rejection, not being good enough, or fear of the unknown. So what to all those fears....what if we are rejected, what if we are not the best, what if we don't know what comes next? I learned a great lesson from my 6 year old last night. No matter what comes at you just keep moving forward. It is like the saying says, "We have nothing to fear except fear itself"
I read the tough guy poem yesterday morning to my son and explained how tough guys are in each of us when we need them. Last night after his workshop I asked him if the tough guy came out and with a big smile he said "I am the tough guy!"
Whatever you may be fearful of today weather it is cancer or a big test remember that we all have a tough guy within us. Have less fear and more faith!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Tough Guy
The tough guy never flinches
he never moves a muscle
He goes through life unafraid
and always brings his hustle
He never backs down from a fight
and he never walks away
A tough guy will take one in the eye
and still come back another day
The tough guy takes some falls
he takes some great big beatings
He gets back up and tries again
with a knowledge that is defeating
No matter what or who he's fighting
he always does the same
He goes head on with the attitude
that he is gonna win this game
They say that when the going gets tough
that tough will only get going
Its true he will rise to the top
sometimes without even knowing
This guy that sounds so fierce and tough
that I speak of hear today
Is in fact not just a man
that fights things everyday
He can be in any shape or form
he can be a woman or a man
He is the one in each of you
who knows that no matter what, he can
Old or young, big or small
you have him in times of doubt
When you fall just get back up
and the tough guy will come out
he never moves a muscle
He goes through life unafraid
and always brings his hustle
He never backs down from a fight
and he never walks away
A tough guy will take one in the eye
and still come back another day
The tough guy takes some falls
he takes some great big beatings
He gets back up and tries again
with a knowledge that is defeating
No matter what or who he's fighting
he always does the same
He goes head on with the attitude
that he is gonna win this game
They say that when the going gets tough
that tough will only get going
Its true he will rise to the top
sometimes without even knowing
This guy that sounds so fierce and tough
that I speak of hear today
Is in fact not just a man
that fights things everyday
He can be in any shape or form
he can be a woman or a man
He is the one in each of you
who knows that no matter what, he can
Old or young, big or small
you have him in times of doubt
When you fall just get back up
and the tough guy will come out
Tough Guys
Tough times never last, but tough people do.
Robert H. Schuller
I had to put this quote in here. I love it. We all go through tough times. We deal with good and bad things in our lives all the time. They come and go throughout lives like a roller coaster. The WAY in which we deal with times like these is the key to being a tough person. As long as we ride out the good and go through the bad learning things we too can be tough.
The toughest people I know are not afraid of anything. They take each challenge head on and don't quit. Those people learn from every fall and then get up and do it again a little differently. Those people inspire and change ways of thinking. They do this most of the time without even realizing it. Tough people come directly from tough times. If nothing difficult ever came your way you would never find out what you are made of. Another favorite quote that goes so well with this today is this...
You never know how tough you are until tough is your only option.
Now go out today and tackle all of your life's challenges with the attitude that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE. If you fall, learn something and then get back up and do it again.
Robert H. Schuller
I had to put this quote in here. I love it. We all go through tough times. We deal with good and bad things in our lives all the time. They come and go throughout lives like a roller coaster. The WAY in which we deal with times like these is the key to being a tough person. As long as we ride out the good and go through the bad learning things we too can be tough.
The toughest people I know are not afraid of anything. They take each challenge head on and don't quit. Those people learn from every fall and then get up and do it again a little differently. Those people inspire and change ways of thinking. They do this most of the time without even realizing it. Tough people come directly from tough times. If nothing difficult ever came your way you would never find out what you are made of. Another favorite quote that goes so well with this today is this...
You never know how tough you are until tough is your only option.
Now go out today and tackle all of your life's challenges with the attitude that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE. If you fall, learn something and then get back up and do it again.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Battles Continue
Yesterday at the gym I was talking with another lady that works as a volunteer at the cancer center. She and I were talking about the programs they have to offer. I suggested a class or group for women in their 30's or younger. For me it would have been nice to not only know there were others this young out there but connect with them because of similar life experiences. Maybe I will do this as a class. I would like to start the charity, but am having difficulties understanding the setup and paperwork piece. I have so many things to do and a short window....guess that is better than nothing to do and tons of time, right?
On a different note, the battles here continue to roll on. Parenting reminds of a great battle. There are ups and downs, stratigical thinking, and sneak attacks. It is a battle of wills and power. There is no winner or loser but we dance through each day trading rolls of the "lead".
I took my 2 year old to dance last night. Sometimes I wonder if it is for me or for her. She is hit and miss on her listening and sometimes she just stands there staring....Then, just when I am ready to say OK let's try this again at another time...she busts out at home with the moves they have been working on in class. I am wondering if this is just power for her? Everyone that knows this little 2 year old diva knows she loves to be in charge. She knows every button to make me crazy. Is that what "good parenting" is knowing the buttons they push and getting through it without going crazy?
My son hits the argue button daily many many times and I am pretty close to going crazy with that one. His new thing is telling me how many years till he drives, it is 10 by the way. I think this is a new weapon on behalf of the kids. It is like their version of psychological warfare. I don't want to think about him growing up like that....AHHHHH! IN the great battle between bald woman (me) and the little people (them) I think I am losing currently, but that is the beauty of this great battle (otherwise known as PARENTING) it goes up and down constantly. I could be back on top as soon as I flash a cookie! This is one battle I would never want to miss a second of. This must be good preparation for the most difficult piece of the battle....The TEEN years!
On a different note, the battles here continue to roll on. Parenting reminds of a great battle. There are ups and downs, stratigical thinking, and sneak attacks. It is a battle of wills and power. There is no winner or loser but we dance through each day trading rolls of the "lead".
I took my 2 year old to dance last night. Sometimes I wonder if it is for me or for her. She is hit and miss on her listening and sometimes she just stands there staring....Then, just when I am ready to say OK let's try this again at another time...she busts out at home with the moves they have been working on in class. I am wondering if this is just power for her? Everyone that knows this little 2 year old diva knows she loves to be in charge. She knows every button to make me crazy. Is that what "good parenting" is knowing the buttons they push and getting through it without going crazy?
My son hits the argue button daily many many times and I am pretty close to going crazy with that one. His new thing is telling me how many years till he drives, it is 10 by the way. I think this is a new weapon on behalf of the kids. It is like their version of psychological warfare. I don't want to think about him growing up like that....AHHHHH! IN the great battle between bald woman (me) and the little people (them) I think I am losing currently, but that is the beauty of this great battle (otherwise known as PARENTING) it goes up and down constantly. I could be back on top as soon as I flash a cookie! This is one battle I would never want to miss a second of. This must be good preparation for the most difficult piece of the battle....The TEEN years!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Post chemo thoughts
Well the last few days have been busy. Radiation appears to still be going well. It is really a strange thing though. Other than the noise the machine makes you would never know anything is happening. I hear 4 zapping sounds and then leave. It is quite the opposite of the chemo. I am 1/3 of the way done and am on #12 of 33 today.
Here are the major highlights of life currently.....
The Hair:
The hair is slowly, I mean slowly, coming back. I still currently look like a man with boobs, but all in good time right. I have stopped wearing the wigs for now (mostly because it is about 100 degrees outside). I do not like the way it looks right now at all but am happy that the hair is my own.
The Boobs:
Got to keep them.... Think I made the wrong choice! New and better boobs sounds much better right about now. One appears smaller than the other (probably 2 surgeries worth). One will be tan here shortly from the radiation and has began to slightly have some discomfort. They too however, are my own so that is OK I guess!
The Body:
It shockingly is keeping up with the trainer sessions and workouts. I am happy to say that with a small amount of training prior to, I ran a 10k. That is about 6.2 miles. I decided to get back out there and try. My time was slower than I had hoped (hour and 3 min), but I finished. The thing I was most pleased with is that 3 weeks ago I was sitting in a chemo chair and now 3 days ago I was running 6 miles. This race taught me alot about racing against myself. It was hard to have so many people passing me and not physically being able to keep up with everyone that I wanted to. I did finally somewhere around mile 3 accept that this was a race to see if I could complete it, and not compete in it! To my amazement I did it and I am so happy that I did. Half marathon in Sept. here I come!!!!
The Fam:
All are great. Same old battles with each other and I love and cherish every one of them!!!! Still write something to be thankful for each day in my journal. I have one thing everyday since may.
The Mind:
It is strange how when chemo is done you are just cut off. The docs that were a part of your life soooo much just pass you to the next one. Family too, sort of. Now the immediate threat of my death has passed all is good. I must be fine now, right? This is strange for the person with the cancer. Everyone was overly concerned for so long and then literally one day (last chemo treatment)....OK your on your own. I think that everyone thinks that when the last chemical is pumped you are fine and it is over. Mostly....I am and it is. I do still get really tired, moody, and still forgetful as ever. I am not saying this to get anything from anyone I promise, but more to capture a strange feeling you have when treatments are complete. This may be out of the thoughts of others, but to me I think this is my time to analyze what just happened. I think more now about how I could have died than I did while I was doing the treatment. (I am still in treatment too...I won't call myself a survivor till radiation is complete Aug 17) In treatment all you focus on is your end date...that gets you through (along with the huge support from family and friends). When that is over and the date has come and gone and the help has come and gone....you are returned to your "normal life" but with a different person. You have to now make a new "normal" with who you are now. It is really difficult sometimes to recreate this with your new mind. I am eternally grateful to each and every single person who helped me to get through this experience. It really is the reason I kept up a pretty good attitude.
I will continue to do crazy things, have a crazy life, and LOVE every second of it. Maybe more now than before. My goal in life is to help, inspire, and reach as many people as God will allow. For now it is daily trips to overpriced "tanning" and then daily pills to make this not be a reality ever again......the reality is though.....
It doesn't matter. Cancer or no cancer I will live this way regardless. I could fight this a million times and each time I will give it all I have and live the exact same way! That to me is finally feeling at peace, and who could ask for anything more!
Here are the major highlights of life currently.....
The Hair:
The hair is slowly, I mean slowly, coming back. I still currently look like a man with boobs, but all in good time right. I have stopped wearing the wigs for now (mostly because it is about 100 degrees outside). I do not like the way it looks right now at all but am happy that the hair is my own.
The Boobs:
Got to keep them.... Think I made the wrong choice! New and better boobs sounds much better right about now. One appears smaller than the other (probably 2 surgeries worth). One will be tan here shortly from the radiation and has began to slightly have some discomfort. They too however, are my own so that is OK I guess!
The Body:
It shockingly is keeping up with the trainer sessions and workouts. I am happy to say that with a small amount of training prior to, I ran a 10k. That is about 6.2 miles. I decided to get back out there and try. My time was slower than I had hoped (hour and 3 min), but I finished. The thing I was most pleased with is that 3 weeks ago I was sitting in a chemo chair and now 3 days ago I was running 6 miles. This race taught me alot about racing against myself. It was hard to have so many people passing me and not physically being able to keep up with everyone that I wanted to. I did finally somewhere around mile 3 accept that this was a race to see if I could complete it, and not compete in it! To my amazement I did it and I am so happy that I did. Half marathon in Sept. here I come!!!!
The Fam:
All are great. Same old battles with each other and I love and cherish every one of them!!!! Still write something to be thankful for each day in my journal. I have one thing everyday since may.
The Mind:
It is strange how when chemo is done you are just cut off. The docs that were a part of your life soooo much just pass you to the next one. Family too, sort of. Now the immediate threat of my death has passed all is good. I must be fine now, right? This is strange for the person with the cancer. Everyone was overly concerned for so long and then literally one day (last chemo treatment)....OK your on your own. I think that everyone thinks that when the last chemical is pumped you are fine and it is over. Mostly....I am and it is. I do still get really tired, moody, and still forgetful as ever. I am not saying this to get anything from anyone I promise, but more to capture a strange feeling you have when treatments are complete. This may be out of the thoughts of others, but to me I think this is my time to analyze what just happened. I think more now about how I could have died than I did while I was doing the treatment. (I am still in treatment too...I won't call myself a survivor till radiation is complete Aug 17) In treatment all you focus on is your end date...that gets you through (along with the huge support from family and friends). When that is over and the date has come and gone and the help has come and gone....you are returned to your "normal life" but with a different person. You have to now make a new "normal" with who you are now. It is really difficult sometimes to recreate this with your new mind. I am eternally grateful to each and every single person who helped me to get through this experience. It really is the reason I kept up a pretty good attitude.
I will continue to do crazy things, have a crazy life, and LOVE every second of it. Maybe more now than before. My goal in life is to help, inspire, and reach as many people as God will allow. For now it is daily trips to overpriced "tanning" and then daily pills to make this not be a reality ever again......the reality is though.....
It doesn't matter. Cancer or no cancer I will live this way regardless. I could fight this a million times and each time I will give it all I have and live the exact same way! That to me is finally feeling at peace, and who could ask for anything more!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Book time
I was going to type a great post today but my two year old wants a story....sorry she wins!!!! :)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Isn't it strange?
I have cancer. It kills many people everyday. It can take your pride, your dignity, and your strength. There is no cure and after you have battled it there is no way of knowing that it is "truly" gone. It can leave physical marks on your body and mental ones too. This disease is powerful and can bring you to your knees very quickly. The treatment is long, can be experimental, and draining.
Why is this the happiest I have ever been?????
Could it be seeing people come together or step up in a time of need? Could it be that some things seem less important than before and some things are way more important? Could it be that you are reminded of these everyday? Could it be a realization that your mind and perception of things drives much of what happens? Or is it that no matter what the end result may be I have lived each day learning, loving, and laughing!!!!?
You decide!
Why is this the happiest I have ever been?????
Could it be seeing people come together or step up in a time of need? Could it be that some things seem less important than before and some things are way more important? Could it be that you are reminded of these everyday? Could it be a realization that your mind and perception of things drives much of what happens? Or is it that no matter what the end result may be I have lived each day learning, loving, and laughing!!!!?
You decide!
Comedy or Tragedy?
Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel.
Horace Walpole
I am a thinker so the comedy thing just fits! I wonder if it is because us thinkers don't get wrapped up in life. We take it for what it's worth and try to learn things from each experience we have. Who knows but the world needs both kinds. We need the variety to keep us from being boring!
This last week I have been thinking a lot about what I am doing. I go everyday to radiation treatments and they zap away the remaining cancer cells...maybe if there are any. The biggest question I get now is...Is it gone? I just wish I could answer it. I can't. The "think" it was gone when they took it out in surgery on Dec. 22! The chemo and radiation are supposed to be insurance that it never will return. Why does that answer not feel good enough?
I guess I wanted something like a blood test or like pregnancy tests that says "YES You have cancer" or "NO it is gone"!! My whole thinking has been focused on getting to the last day of chemo....OK, now that has come and gone several weeks ago....NOW WHAT??? Focus on the end of radiation....OK fine but then can I call myself a survivor? I had a mammogram before radiation but it was inconclusive meaning it couldn't give me a clean bill of health but it couldn't give me a negative one either. It is just a post surgery/radiation baseline. I just want this to be out of my life for good, but I don't think that will ever happen. This is a part of me now just as any healed scar. It gone from being threatening to just a reminder.
I guess we all need those from time to time to keep us grounded!
Oh well, now on to new projects...the goal is to help as many people as possible. I am hoping to begin the "Friends of the Bald Woman" charity very soon. Maybe then we can turn those who are feeling sorry for themselves into great thinking comedians too!
Horace Walpole
I am a thinker so the comedy thing just fits! I wonder if it is because us thinkers don't get wrapped up in life. We take it for what it's worth and try to learn things from each experience we have. Who knows but the world needs both kinds. We need the variety to keep us from being boring!
This last week I have been thinking a lot about what I am doing. I go everyday to radiation treatments and they zap away the remaining cancer cells...maybe if there are any. The biggest question I get now is...Is it gone? I just wish I could answer it. I can't. The "think" it was gone when they took it out in surgery on Dec. 22! The chemo and radiation are supposed to be insurance that it never will return. Why does that answer not feel good enough?
I guess I wanted something like a blood test or like pregnancy tests that says "YES You have cancer" or "NO it is gone"!! My whole thinking has been focused on getting to the last day of chemo....OK, now that has come and gone several weeks ago....NOW WHAT??? Focus on the end of radiation....OK fine but then can I call myself a survivor? I had a mammogram before radiation but it was inconclusive meaning it couldn't give me a clean bill of health but it couldn't give me a negative one either. It is just a post surgery/radiation baseline. I just want this to be out of my life for good, but I don't think that will ever happen. This is a part of me now just as any healed scar. It gone from being threatening to just a reminder.
I guess we all need those from time to time to keep us grounded!
Oh well, now on to new projects...the goal is to help as many people as possible. I am hoping to begin the "Friends of the Bald Woman" charity very soon. Maybe then we can turn those who are feeling sorry for themselves into great thinking comedians too!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
All American Campout
The Fourth of July is one of the best times of the year. There is fun, fireworks, bbq, and even a bit of camping if your lucky. This year my husband and I wanted to give our kids all of those things. You know it is there right of childhood or some crap like that. We wanted to give them a full 4th experience. Boy are we stupid over-achiever parents.....
I am an idea person. I love thinking up new ways of doing things, new experiences that our kids need to have, and ways to make life fun! I am really good at coming up with ideas.... BUT.... I need people around to kind of "shoot some holes in them" sometimes. I need someone to help think of all the things that could go wrong or would be the negatives of my brilliant plans. That is actually a negative to being a pretty positive person (that is weird to write). On this particular plan nobody "shot any holes in the plan". I wonder if that is because I said it out loud in front of our kids before really thinking about it much or even discussing it???? NO THAT COULDN'T BE IT!
We decided to camp out in our backyard after having a small bbq. We walked down a block and watched the fireworks for a few minutes and then back to our campout. That is really all they wanted to do was get in the tent. I realize that many are hysterically laughing right now because you know what I should have known. A 20 year old body camping holds up way better than our 30 year old bodies did. Let's be glad that we are only in our early 30's! Is this why older people get RV's??? The last time we went camping (4 or 5 years ago I think) I remember not being phased by sleeping on the ground. This time however the short amount of time we did sleep out there it was miserably uncomfortable (and that is actually me being positive minded about it)! So here we all are 2 kids, 2 excited adults, and one dog on complete sensory overload trying to get comfy in our huge tent.
2 year old is out within in 10 seconds. I am thinking this is gonna be easy...oh but it never is! Is it?
6 year old wants to go back in the house. HUH??? He states that he doesn't really want to be out here to sleep anymore....oh no he didn't. Didn't he realize the work that went into doing this? didn't he realize that I was giving him MEMORIES???? NO of course not he is 6!! I calmly talk to him telling him all the great things about camping and he decides that it will be fun and falls asleep 5 minutes later.
The dog after sniffing every square inch of our two room tent settled but startled several more times before settling down right on top of the kid's legs. I smiled and went to sleep.....yeah right guys seriously. It wouldn't be in this post if it were easy would it. I really wonder why people think this fun anymore. This includes me. Several times I thought about going in and leaving my husband out there with the kids and just pulling the whole "I have cancer and the doctor says no sleeping on the ground....or I have cancer and I can easily get sick. The elements out here are too much." I thought of all the reasons I could give and must of fallen asleep. So actually I did fall asleep with a smile thinking about all the excuses I could give.
Then 4am rolls around. The sun was beginning to come up and my son woke me up to go to the bathroom. We go in the house and come back out. My husband who hadn't slept either was awake. I then have the great plan....."Hey, well we camped outside all night and it is morning (I made that 'we can count this now as good parenting' face). How about we go in to the couch and put a movie on and some coffee????" He got what I was saying immediately and we all went in the house with a blanket and pillow. We piled on the couch and watched.....don't have a clue! We all slept there till 8am! Well everyone except my husband....he was wide awake!
It didn't stop there though....when we did get up. We had breakfast and coffee outside. We got backpacks on (the kids) and "hiked" our neighborhood. Then we geocashed the rest of the day.
Overall, our parenting this weekend gets an A. We tried our best, we did it, and we made it through. That is all parenting really is though... Hey isn't that like life??? I think we did give our kids memories that hopefully they will take with them to adulthood and eventually use as reasons why they have all the issues they have later! (just kidding but that's what I do)
I think this is the best thing you can give someone...memories! It doesn't matter if the trip was good or bad. It matters if they remember it!
I am an idea person. I love thinking up new ways of doing things, new experiences that our kids need to have, and ways to make life fun! I am really good at coming up with ideas.... BUT.... I need people around to kind of "shoot some holes in them" sometimes. I need someone to help think of all the things that could go wrong or would be the negatives of my brilliant plans. That is actually a negative to being a pretty positive person (that is weird to write). On this particular plan nobody "shot any holes in the plan". I wonder if that is because I said it out loud in front of our kids before really thinking about it much or even discussing it???? NO THAT COULDN'T BE IT!
We decided to camp out in our backyard after having a small bbq. We walked down a block and watched the fireworks for a few minutes and then back to our campout. That is really all they wanted to do was get in the tent. I realize that many are hysterically laughing right now because you know what I should have known. A 20 year old body camping holds up way better than our 30 year old bodies did. Let's be glad that we are only in our early 30's! Is this why older people get RV's??? The last time we went camping (4 or 5 years ago I think) I remember not being phased by sleeping on the ground. This time however the short amount of time we did sleep out there it was miserably uncomfortable (and that is actually me being positive minded about it)! So here we all are 2 kids, 2 excited adults, and one dog on complete sensory overload trying to get comfy in our huge tent.
2 year old is out within in 10 seconds. I am thinking this is gonna be easy...oh but it never is! Is it?
6 year old wants to go back in the house. HUH??? He states that he doesn't really want to be out here to sleep anymore....oh no he didn't. Didn't he realize the work that went into doing this? didn't he realize that I was giving him MEMORIES???? NO of course not he is 6!! I calmly talk to him telling him all the great things about camping and he decides that it will be fun and falls asleep 5 minutes later.
The dog after sniffing every square inch of our two room tent settled but startled several more times before settling down right on top of the kid's legs. I smiled and went to sleep.....yeah right guys seriously. It wouldn't be in this post if it were easy would it. I really wonder why people think this fun anymore. This includes me. Several times I thought about going in and leaving my husband out there with the kids and just pulling the whole "I have cancer and the doctor says no sleeping on the ground....or I have cancer and I can easily get sick. The elements out here are too much." I thought of all the reasons I could give and must of fallen asleep. So actually I did fall asleep with a smile thinking about all the excuses I could give.
Then 4am rolls around. The sun was beginning to come up and my son woke me up to go to the bathroom. We go in the house and come back out. My husband who hadn't slept either was awake. I then have the great plan....."Hey, well we camped outside all night and it is morning (I made that 'we can count this now as good parenting' face). How about we go in to the couch and put a movie on and some coffee????" He got what I was saying immediately and we all went in the house with a blanket and pillow. We piled on the couch and watched.....don't have a clue! We all slept there till 8am! Well everyone except my husband....he was wide awake!
It didn't stop there though....when we did get up. We had breakfast and coffee outside. We got backpacks on (the kids) and "hiked" our neighborhood. Then we geocashed the rest of the day.
Overall, our parenting this weekend gets an A. We tried our best, we did it, and we made it through. That is all parenting really is though... Hey isn't that like life??? I think we did give our kids memories that hopefully they will take with them to adulthood and eventually use as reasons why they have all the issues they have later! (just kidding but that's what I do)
I think this is the best thing you can give someone...memories! It doesn't matter if the trip was good or bad. It matters if they remember it!
Friday, July 2, 2010
The Hospital
In my great rush to post and get out the door I forgot one of the main highlights of our trip. We in this house believe that anytime we go on vacation we need to visit a hospital or ER. This vacation was no different than any others. The very first night after a long 6 hour drive we settled into our hotel. We swam in the pool because it was the first thing the kids saw when we arrived and we had a nice dinner. We walked and explored the town and the beach and life was good. Vacation was underway! Then after we all settled into our rooms and began to drift off into dreamland it started. The tears were flowing and the pain was high....I am not talking about one of the kids....IT WAS ME!!!! Water had been stuck in my ear and I couldn't get it out. I had been trying for hours. When it was time to lay down however there was the bulging pain coming out of my right ear. It was terrible. I muttled silently through till 2 AM. After not sleeping a minute I finally woke up my husband. I sat there in sooooo much pain and me being the prepared chemo-brained person had not one Tylenol to take! He so kindly went down to the front desk to ask about a walk in clinic(I knew what was wrong...ear infection. Just curious as to why I got one). They had no Tylenol so my wonderful husband drove to the nearest gas station and got me some at 2am! There was not only no walk in clinic near by but NOWHERE to go see a doctor for 30 miles. I medicated myself through the evening and half the next day but it wouldn't go away and we had 5 more days left. We drove the 30 miles and went to the hospital. They told me they would "fast track" me into a spot. It would literally take them 10 seconds to look in my ear. 3 HOURS later I was "fast tracked" into a room where the 10 seconds confirmed what I had said....EAR INFECTION. Now I am thinking I should go to med school with this great knowledge I have! We finally left to go to an 8:00 dinner and pick up my "NOT COVERED HERE" medicine. (Those who don't know this is not the first time this has happened to us!). We ended this fabulous day with a laugh that we visited yet another doctor while on vacation.......all in the day of the bald woman!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Ocean
What is it about the ocean that just calms me down. I can be having the worst day, best day, or anywhere in between but feel relaxed listening and watching the waves crash. I love the smells, sounds, and feel of that cool breeze that constantly keeps blowing. Every good vacation must come to end...that is why they call them vacations and not LIFE. Today is back to reality. The bald woman here and my lovely family went to the coast for 6 days. It was not all fun for me because part of this trip (2 days) I was working. I went to training while my husband and kids played endlessly on the beach and in the pool! Training and work barely felt like that though. I was very inspired, challenged to think, and now have returned with many new ideas on how to change the lives of teenagers! That is the main goal of any training I think, so I can actually say it was all fun I guess!
I also did something I have never done before. I went in the pool no wigs or bandanna. It was just "1/2 inch hair woman" (I can't say I am technically bald anymore...although hair or no hair I will always be "The Bald Woman") It was pretty freeing and apart from the training and one dinner the wig was off and I had a hat on. I am on my way to real hair....it has been sooooo long since I have had hair. I am ready to feel wind in it, put it in a pony tail, and curse it to death when I am headed out for the night. I want it to move faster, but one lesson thing to know about cancer is "NOTHING BUT THE CANCER MOVES FAST IN THIS CANCER WORLD" Oh well, all in good time I guess. You lovely ladies with hair be thankful! :)
Well here are the highlights of the Ocean Shores trip!!!!!!
7. Took a four mile run with a great friend right on the beach. I could run there EVERYDAY. I was not as fast as I had hoped but I DID it so I will give myself that credit! On this run we saw about 30 steps away a BALD EAGLE staring at us. It was absolutely amazing!!! Wow to nature. It was so cool to feel a part of nature with the ocean the animals and us there!
6. Sandcastle and sawdust festival. There were some super creative people creating great works of art out of nothing but a square of sand and tree. Wow. It is amazing to see art in progress!
5. Our hotel was the Lighthouse Inn and it had a lighthouse on top of it. Hearing my 2 year old call it "Our Castle" every time she referred to it was pretty funny. "Lets go home to our castle mommy" never got old.
4. Watching my son get so excited to just dig in the sand everyday and occasionally play cooperatively with his sister! They can go from best buddies to beating each other in 10 seconds flat...that is a skill!
3. Spending 3 times more money than we inteded too! This could be because of the $40 sweatshirts we had to purchase for everyone, the overpriced knick knacks, or the overpriced mediocre food (only at a few places- not all). All in the spirit of a good VACATION right!!! :)
2. Stopping 5 times on the way home for potty breaks! on one of the stops we stopped at a small store in the mountain pass. We stopped there a year and half ago after skiing. My husband wanted a drink and only had a card. The guy said it would cost more to run the card in his machine than to just give it to him. He said take it and next time you come through get it back to him. Well we stopped bought a water and suprised hime with the money for the drink he had given him plus a BUNCH of interest. He was thankful, suprised, and hopefully he knows what goes around always will come back around (even if it is years later). He did remember my husband too!
1. The group hug on the beach on the last day. We were thankful to have gone. No matter how many times those beautiful children drove us nuts with fighting, argueing, and being crazy in public we were incredibly greatful that they were ours to have had this great adventure.
I can't call myself cancer free or a survivor yet because the last leg of the journey begins in 45 minutes, but I am thankful to be hear EACH and EVERY day. That will never change no matter if I have cancer or not! Love the life you have and you will have a life to love!!!! Forgot who said it and it may not be exact, but you get the idea!!! Have a great day!
I also did something I have never done before. I went in the pool no wigs or bandanna. It was just "1/2 inch hair woman" (I can't say I am technically bald anymore...although hair or no hair I will always be "The Bald Woman") It was pretty freeing and apart from the training and one dinner the wig was off and I had a hat on. I am on my way to real hair....it has been sooooo long since I have had hair. I am ready to feel wind in it, put it in a pony tail, and curse it to death when I am headed out for the night. I want it to move faster, but one lesson thing to know about cancer is "NOTHING BUT THE CANCER MOVES FAST IN THIS CANCER WORLD" Oh well, all in good time I guess. You lovely ladies with hair be thankful! :)
Well here are the highlights of the Ocean Shores trip!!!!!!
7. Took a four mile run with a great friend right on the beach. I could run there EVERYDAY. I was not as fast as I had hoped but I DID it so I will give myself that credit! On this run we saw about 30 steps away a BALD EAGLE staring at us. It was absolutely amazing!!! Wow to nature. It was so cool to feel a part of nature with the ocean the animals and us there!
6. Sandcastle and sawdust festival. There were some super creative people creating great works of art out of nothing but a square of sand and tree. Wow. It is amazing to see art in progress!
5. Our hotel was the Lighthouse Inn and it had a lighthouse on top of it. Hearing my 2 year old call it "Our Castle" every time she referred to it was pretty funny. "Lets go home to our castle mommy" never got old.
4. Watching my son get so excited to just dig in the sand everyday and occasionally play cooperatively with his sister! They can go from best buddies to beating each other in 10 seconds flat...that is a skill!
3. Spending 3 times more money than we inteded too! This could be because of the $40 sweatshirts we had to purchase for everyone, the overpriced knick knacks, or the overpriced mediocre food (only at a few places- not all). All in the spirit of a good VACATION right!!! :)
2. Stopping 5 times on the way home for potty breaks! on one of the stops we stopped at a small store in the mountain pass. We stopped there a year and half ago after skiing. My husband wanted a drink and only had a card. The guy said it would cost more to run the card in his machine than to just give it to him. He said take it and next time you come through get it back to him. Well we stopped bought a water and suprised hime with the money for the drink he had given him plus a BUNCH of interest. He was thankful, suprised, and hopefully he knows what goes around always will come back around (even if it is years later). He did remember my husband too!
1. The group hug on the beach on the last day. We were thankful to have gone. No matter how many times those beautiful children drove us nuts with fighting, argueing, and being crazy in public we were incredibly greatful that they were ours to have had this great adventure.
I can't call myself cancer free or a survivor yet because the last leg of the journey begins in 45 minutes, but I am thankful to be hear EACH and EVERY day. That will never change no matter if I have cancer or not! Love the life you have and you will have a life to love!!!! Forgot who said it and it may not be exact, but you get the idea!!! Have a great day!
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