Beautiful life

Great quote for today....
The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.
Frank Lloyd Wright

I like this quote today. Just finished a very great but busy and almost unrelaxing weekend. We had some great family get togethers in the evenings, my husband put together a two hour shed for three days at his parents house, and I organized a few closets (didn't realize we had so much stuff). Now hopefully a nice garage sale will get it all out of here. And then just like a flash....the long 4 day weekend (for us) was gone. Now back to close up shop at work for the next two weeks and then...off till August.

I have been trying to run more and more and now my 2 mile run has become the standard. I feel good about it, but still wish I could push a bit harder...all in good time I guess. I also just received from the local cancer center a membership to the WELL-FIT program. The local gym partnered with them to offer a group personal trainer sessions for 2 days a week for a 10 week program. Then the rest of the week you can use the facilities which include a pool and babysitting....not bad for a FREE service to patients. If I show up and do well they will extend it for another 10 week session! A trainer is just what I need to get myself back into shape after this little war that has been going on inside. Starts next Tuesday and I am very excited!

I see the doctor this week too...been a while since we talked. I will find out the next steps I guess. I hope that includes....NOTHING! :) I am trying to plan a surprise for the staff at the cancer center for my last day of chemo party! We will see how fast my brain allows me to do it! The staff there are ALL so awesome. I have yet to meet one who even seemed to have a bad day! When you are in this type of a situation having people like that is soooo important and for that I am very thankful.

Last but certainly not least, I talked with a wonderful local photographer and friend last week. She is going to help me by taking a "Bald Woman" photo shoot. I am nervous to bear the bald for the world to see, but I think it will be freeing too. My hope is that next year when I am complaining about my hair I can pull the pics out and realize where I have come from. The other goal behind this is to use them next year with the middle school girls to talk about self esteem and not being a follower. I hope it provides some power to them and I hope to change some ways of thinking......we will see!

My pink toilet is painted and almost ready to go. I got the wonderful idea to flush out cancer with the toilet from a friend in Missouri. She is doing this and is cool with me copying her wonderful idea. I would like to raise some money for some local people that need help. More info to come. (Any advice on starting a 501 C3 would be accepted right about now too!

Oh yeah....can't wait till Dec 14th...going to the Carrie Underwood concert with my 3 favorite women on the planet!

Challenge of the day....Everyone that reads this today....Help someone randomly today and then tell them to do the same. Let's see how many good things can happen to people today...who knows maybe it will come around to you when you need it most. Have a wonderful day...hope the sun is shining where you are, even if it's raining.

Tales of the Morning, BW

The Bald Woman woke up rather refreshed today. There was nobody in her bed, no elbows in the face, and she wasn't crammed as close to the edge as humanly possible. She knew then it was going to be a good day.....
She knew it would be good until... the great battle between the two short residents began. A battle it was too. They both decided that playing spies would be a good idea and it was too for a little while. Then just like any great movie the oldest one turned out to be a double agent and he quickly turned on his partner in crime. This only angered the smallest one and she was going to let him have it. Before pinching him to show her disapproval of his double crossing she let out the sound only dogs can hear. Well Bald Woman heard it too but that is because she has super frequency "mom" ears. It was so loud, so long, and so high pitched that even the dog went into the other room. I think she showed him....
Then a quick refuel with her coffee but today it was filled with those little black bits that make your stomach turn. Maybe a refuel with some juice instead this morning. Off to the next task, laundry. She wonders for a small family that seems to wear the same clothes each day they sure have a lot of laundry to do...never ending in fact. Oh well just keep moving she says. When you sit down here they find more things for you to do. She has learned this over and over.
The troops are hungry so the battle of breakfast begins again. This is a daily battle with the smallest child over weather cookies and ice cream are considered breakfast. Oh the tears were flowing like she lost her best friend. Finally a more appropriate choice was made and bald woman encountered yet another victory.
Then the streaking began. There is a small streaker running around the home and she rounds her up like cattle and moves to the next oh so fun task of getting dressed. Style is on the minds of these two up and coming super stars! With mismatched outfits in hand and weather outside not even being a factor the "trendsetters" get on their gear for the day. She allows them to win this battle because she knows there will be at least 2 or 3 "costume changes" throughout the day.
She goes a few more rounds with the small ones over very important topics such as....voice tone, telling the truth, what toys are used for and where they go vs. don't go, tattling vs. being helpful, how to treat an animal, what is Smart-Alick (which is better than yesterday's discussion of what is a smart a**), and many more hot topics! For a brief moment she notices the two sitting together under a shared blanket. They are laughing and making 'fart noises' at each other. The Bald Woman sits down (even with the dangers of having to do more work) and watches. She wipes a small tear from her eye and knows that she is lucky to be employed here at this place. She finally has the dream job that doesn't feel like a job! She realizes yet again on this day how lucky she really is and says thank you.......then in a blink of an eye she moves off to the crisis in the next room and begins utilizing her UN peacekeeping skills!
AHHHH, All in a mornings work!

Laughter is the best medicine

Why does life always pass you by so quickly when you are filling it with things to do? We watched the season's last baseball game, went to a birthday party, and even a bit of yard work. It was a wonderful weekend. I went into a bit of a funk for a few days, but felt like a different person yesterday. I get these mood swings every now and then that last like a day or two. They are not fun. I feel as if everything in the world is wrong and turn into this negative person....The humorous thing about these is I can feel when I am doing it. I just can't stop doing it is the problem. I do think that laughter pulled me out of this one.

You see I have this crazy family...they are big, loud, and the most loving bunch of crazies I have ever met. Most people when they are having a bad day, like the one I was talking about, would like to just sit quietly and ride it out...right? No, not me I have the pep squad cheering me on like I am the losing football team. They call or send cards or just check in and let me vent every now and then. Some try to solve my "problem" (that is not really a problem just a case of bad attitude) some just listen and offer advice when I ask them.
BUT......there is one family member that knows how to cheer someone up! She came over to bring me a wonderful home cooked meal (that the restaurant was going to prepare for her). We talked for a few minutes checking in and she asks, "Hey did you go running today?"....."Why yes I did, this morning in fact I finally made 2 miles"......"Oh?? I thought I saw you a little while ago running."......"Nope, not me sorry. I ran this morning"......."Huh,She looked just like you, she was BLONDE, PONYTAILED....OOOO!" (slight pause).......
Then..... just laughter and talking about "cancer burn dude". It was pretty funny. I am so thankful that I don't get upset about this stuff. I think she just wanted to read about herself on my blog today...she likes attention! I am sure you have seen the comments we make back and forth on facebook too! Please don't worry the mean lady insulting the poor cancer victim will get her karma one day! On a serious note that stupid ponytail comment was the beginning of the lifting of the bad mood, so thank you for reminding me that I am bald and can't have a ponytail for a long while! :) It took some humor and some wine but by Saturday night I was fine! Others may wonder if I get offended.....NOT A CHANCE! I would be more offended if we stopped being mean to one another! We both know that we are too funny for our own good (me more so than her) and so we keep each other in check. (I love that right now I could write anything too without reading any comments!!)

All in all it was a great weekend full of laughs and fun. I am so lucky to have all of the wonderful people in my life that make it so much more manageable. A special thank you to my mom this week who, by the way, sits with me for over 2 hours EVERY WEEK. She has a full time job, she cleans her own house, cleans my house, sits with me a few hours each week, and makes us a dinner every other week. I am pretty sure that I don't tell her enough how much her being there means to me. This week we had to sit in radiology for almost 2 hours. She didn't complain one time....I did! My arm went numb while getting meds this week...had to go check and make sure there was no leak in the port. There isn't. Long wait to find out that the needle was probably just pushing on a nerve or something. By the time we returned there was no time to do the chemo cycle so I was lucky enough to get to come back the next day. It went well and I got to sit with a very positive co-worker who always lifts my spirits.

To all of you that continue to make a difference in my life or the lives of those around you, BIG HUGE THANKS! Thanks for the laughs too they were much needed!

I HATE CANCER!

The more I think I have life figured out the more I realize I don't have clue.

I have hope, faith, love and all that stuff but sometimes it's just not enough. I start to wonder... do we make more of a difference on people when we are gone rather than when we are alive? If that's true then why do we spend so much time trying to make a differnce now? I live each day thankful to wake up. I have a disease that can kill me when it wants. It may or may not be 100% over. That is a strange concept to accept. The only way I am able to live well right now and after this is over is to treat this as any great battle. When I win... it is over. That's it. If it comes back... then we fight again! I won't stop fighting till I am not able to fight anymore.

I am so sad today thinking about others that have this stupid disease. So many have lost their battles or have to fight this over and over. Why do some make it and some not? The most difficult stories to hear about are with children. It just doesn't seem fair. I realize we live in a very unfair world, but children... This is disease needs to be gone! I am filled with tears thinking about others that lost their battles when I am kicking this things a**. Why am I any different? Will I have to fight again? Maybe this point is when your faith is really tested and I have to trust that I am still here for a reason. The quote of the day fits well here today too....

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.MLK Jr.

I guess no matter what my path has in store I will just KEEP MOVING FORWARD! This is and has been my motto from day 1!! I occasionally have to remind myself of that, but I feel I have been pretty true to it!

Rise of the Baldies

Bald is the new blonde , that is what they say
Remebering is hard, what day is it today?

The hair goes first, within fourteen days
the memory goes next, Is it really May?

Then you get distracted just like your two
you forget what you've said... I have no clue?

I think I am writing all the greats of this chemo
I feel like that fish in Finding Nemo

Cancer is not fun according to some
but my house is clean and my dinner is done

So watch out blondes don't get enraged
Baldies around are coming to upstage

Being a baldie may be the new "it" for spring
We have Brittany and Demi and this forgetful thing

We have more fun because we are pampered
you have an old fad that's looking quite dampered

Our time is coming just watch and see
Everyone will want to be just like me

Baldies are in now and blondes are out
Sooo....what was I trying to write about???

Book of Life

I have been looking at life alot lately like it is a great book. Think of the greatest books you have read and imagine if the story would have been any good without the difficulties. I am going to guess no! We are all going to go through difficulties in our lives, some more difficult than others, but that is life and living. Some of the people I look up to most in my life have suffered the greatest difficulties. I think what separates us is the way we deal with them. There are those who curse them, blame others, and get wrapped up in them. Then there are the others who try to take each difficulty for what it is....a lesson or opportunity to gain something. You can gain something out of even the most devastating situations. I am not sure why or how we choose our side, but the division is there. I am openly choosing the side of learning. There are critics however that think that is not possible. They want to know why I am not angry or blaming others or the environmental factors that cause cancer. They think there could be a quick fix or if only someone would have...whatever. I smile, knowing that their motives are only to protect me from any pain, worry, or stress. Does it really matter what happened to lead up to this? If I felt it would save someone else...sure I would go around shouting to anyone that would listen. In my case, however, there is nothing I would have done differently.

*****I would encourage 100% to do self exams EVERY month to catch things as early as possible... I did catch mine early and that made life much easier.******

Maybe this is why writers have great stories to tell. They understand and are on the side of lessons and learning. They can take the negatives and find a way to learn something or show others how. They are able to share that with the world and people stop and evaluate their own life. Once you change your thinking to the positive your whole life begins to change. (I am NOT even remotely saying you will never complain, so don't get me confused here) It is like any great skill that you develop it takes practice. It is a skill or an art to think like that. Anyone can do it, I certainly had dark points in my life long before cancer came around. I gave in to self pity and felt powerless. All I could think about or focus on was how I couldn't get out....and I didn't. I had to make that choice to change though not anyone else.

In my grandfathers great story of life he had MANY ups and downs. His last day we shared them all and how those ups and yes even the downs all put everyone into the places that we are in our lives now. If it weren't for some of HIS biggest struggles people wouldn't have met, some of us not born, and attitudes would have been different. Knowing this, how could you say his struggles were a bad thing. Not very fun at the time yes, but to never have had them would have changed everything...I say everything happens for a reason and some would argue that is just what we say to make ourselves feel better. So to that I say....Everything may not happen for a reason, but you can find a reason out of everything! My grandfather received the most perfect last day ever. He listened to how he changed and formed all of our lives and then just like a great story a few hours after we left...so did he holding the hand of his true love and wife.

Today, I can only hope my own story will be as full and impactful as he was to each of us. Go make an impact today!

Waiting

Looking back, on the things I've done
waiting...for the world to see
They don't know, they can't see
all the change, that I've had in me

If they only knew all the things that I've seen
they would see how we oughta be
I wish they could trust in the love and faith
it could make them live so free

I'm waiting on the world you see, a little at a time
I'm waiting on the world you see, to step right up and shine
I am waiting on the world you see, to finally do their part
I am waiting on the world you see, to make a brand new start

I've gotta be strong, hold my head up high
pushing through no matter what, you see
I've gotta be strong, hold my head up high
waiting....for them to sing with me

It's not too late no matter who you are
to be the one, to be that shining star
You can make a difference if you try
Just love and live and forget about the why

I'm waiting on the world you see, a little at a time
I'm waiting on the world you see, to step right up and shine
I am waiting on the world you see, to finally do their part
I am waiting on the world you see, to make a brand new start

And there we are, more than one you see
standing...for all the world to see
One by one they join harmoniously
singing... knowing how to be free

And we'll wait...on the world
No matter what people say
And we'll keep trying..to change the world
And give them all a better day.

Making strides

Off to the spa yet again. When you look at it from how far I have come it looks better. I have been in treatments for 14 weeks so far. That seems longer than I thought I guess. I am at the halfway point for the new stuff today. Number 6 today which means 6 more to go...considering school is out in 4 weeks that should fly by just from being sooo busy. I sure hope so. In the big picture this is really a very small amount of time to have given up. Really though I haven't given up much of anything...if anything I have become a better listener to my body and pay attention more to what I am doing to it. I can see the finsih line now so get ready for my full on sprint here soon! Better go get ready...more later!

Balance

Ohhhhh, watching hair grow is about as fun as watching paint dry or grass grow! The stupid hair fell out on the 14th day and only took about one full week to be gone. Growing back....whole new story. Should have seen some more growth by now (in my opinion) but there are only a few new guests to that party!
Today I am going to be thankful because yesterday I was a bit grouchy. No reason just was...so to counteract that grumpiness I will list my things to be thankful for!

1. That I have a job that supports me through this whole journey. Even if it comes with middle schoolers with spring fever and eighth grade itus. They are just crazyville right now, but I know that no matter what they say they are glad to be there with us! Beats their alternatives....boredom, gang activities, or video games!!!

2. My children looking up to their parents still. They want to be like us so much right now that even all of the characteristics that drive us crazy they want to display. I have a mini attorney on my hands right now and an it's all about me diva rockstar!

3. My husband being such a great listener. He is the only one on this planet that does not treat me as if I am broken. He is the one who will not give me the pity even when I am saying that is what I want. This is something to be thankful for....when this whole thing started he asked what he could do for me to help. I told him...DO NOT PITY ME and DO NOT LET ME FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF...NO MATTER WHAT I SAY TO YOU! Why is this the one time he listens to me????? I should have asked for new shoes!

4. The beauty of the world around us. We live on such a wonderful planet with amazing beauty all around us. I am glad I take the time to notice this more and appreciate it! My goal is to see it all before my timer is up!

5. I am most thankful that I continue to be blessed each and everyday with many gifts of love and happiness!

There that should balance out that grouchy day from yesterday!!! I already feel better and the sun is shining..."It's a great day to be alive"

Love your MOM!

What a fantastic weekend. It was Mother's Day yesterday and I could not have asked for a more perfect day. My wonderful husband made breakfast and we worked outside in the yard on a gorgeous day. I planted some new plants and we got a yard looking more yard like!! My husband gave me the ultimate gift....he finished the fence in the back 100%! This has been an adventure in itself...but it is done and our dog can finally go to the bathroom alone! OH the little things.....
I also got a new bike which will now let us go bike riding on the trail together. I am very excited for this too!
My hard working mommy spent the entire day working at the flower shop so we took the party to her and gave her a little surprise. That was nice but I don't think she wants to see another flower again...I was going to show up with flowers (from another store) just to get a reaction....oh well next year!
I am so thankful for my mom....I am so lucky that she stayed home all those years with us kiddos eating bon bons (just kidding it was truffles)!!! As a mom now too, there is a new found appreciation for the sacrifices, the sports, the driving around, the cooking, cleaning, and other daily "chores" that she did. Nobody tells you how difficult this job can be when they are handing you this little bundle of joy. Even if they did....you wouldn't care because every second is worth it. Thank you to my mom for putting up with my arguments, my vast knowledge of life as a teen, my dancing through the stores, and my testing my sister's patients levels daily. Thanks for showing me how to be a mother, how to turn junk into treasures, and never give up on the things you want!
Feeling great but getting more tired than normal...or maybe just easier. Will push through especially because this week (Thursday) marks visit 6 which is the halfway point for the new treatment.....that means 6 more weeks and no more chemo, hello hair, and back to life (yeah like it really stopped!) Getting excited because that will be the home stretch and I am a sprinter at the end of a race!

Quote to remember

Another great quote I don't want to forget about....

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Mohandas Gandhi

Well I have woke up feeling great but it took another 2 1/2 hours after my 2am post before I was finally able to sleep for like 2 more. This makes a whopping total of 5!!! Oh well its enough for now! Have some really good ideas up my sleeve though and I feel blessed to have been given my life's plan revealed last night....more to come....

Impact

Just a pre-warning, this post is more than likely not going to be very humorous unfortunately. I have been sitting up awake again on another Thursday after chemo and thinking. It started with all I have to do at work tomorrow, so I originally got up to work. Then I started thinking about my grandfather who passed away last year, so if you are not in a position to hear about a difficult topic...you might want to skip this one or read later. Sorry but getting this out will help me go back to sleep i think....
Thinking about death this evening...not my own so don't worry. Almost one year ago I lost my grandfather. He was a wonderful man that anyone would be happy to have known. He was funny,possessed great strength and knowledge, and very compassionate to others. Right before he passed all of his 6 children, almost all of his grandchildren and great grandchildren, and family friends gathered around him. We, for almost 8 hours, sat and told story after story of the "good old days". We cried, laughed, and remembered. Some we all knew and some were heard for the first time. It was one of the most memorable days of my life. I saw impacts on others that I am sure he never knew he made but the beauty of that day, his last day, was that he was there listening to each and everyone of those stories. He left this world a few hours after we left for the evening quietly with his wife of almost 50 years. He left with his own memories of the years that he was here but with the knowledge of the impact he had made on each of us. If only we could all be so lucky.
So I sit here on another sleepless night thinking....We are approaching mother's day now with father's day around the corner. I am fairly certain that the perfect gift is not diamonds or a round of golf. Those things are fine but if you are so lucky to have a mother, father, or wife or husband give them the gift of memories too. Give them the gift that will never go away and the knowledge that they have impacted you in some way. We are who we are right now at this moment because of lots of people that have come in and out of our lives. You never know.... this knowledge may change theirs forever too.
Just a little something to think about from a girl who is still awake at 2am......

BW...superhero

Baldy is Back!! For those who don't know the BALD WOMAN is somewhat of a superhero now. She can handle all of life's crazy problems much better than I can. She has battles with kids, a job, and battles cancer all without missing a beat!
Have no fear BALD WOMAN is here...that's what they say when she enters the room!!!! :)

She begins her day just as anyone else would....slaps in the face with the two littlest household members asking, "Are you awake?" or "I have to go to the bathroom". She pops up like a pop tart never grouchy or tired and is ready to attack the day! She walks out and sees 3 or 4 ants. She has been battling them for months and just when she thinks they are gone, they return for more. She knows that if there are 3 there will quickly be more if she doesn't strike first! Armed with her bleach spray she attacks the half dozen ants like she is battling for her life. She assures them they have stepped into the wrong home! She rids the home of the enemy with a quick and painless victory. She silently celebrates and thinks to herself 'When you've got it, you've go it'!
Sitting for BW is not much of an option so that lasted about 10 seconds. In the background,she hears the two wonderful children that attempt to run this house screaming at each other. On one hand she counts backwards from 5. 5,4,3,2,.........MOOOOOOOOMMMMMM! He did this and she did that (does it really matter what it was?)Ok she says and walks away. This is bald woman's trick move. MOOOOOMMM, she did this and he said that. They clearly were not feeling that justice had been served. She tries again asking if they would both like to spend some time apart in their wonderfully overstocked rooms??? Neither wanted that option so with a quick OK she moves on to solve the next problem. She moves on to picking up the overstocked home. Those toys are overflowing from every room in the house so she attempts to enlist the help of the two house patrons. They basically laugh at her and tell her she is crazy....ah but BW has secret weapons they don't know about. In her travels all around the world she has discovered that these short little patrons are easily bribed with items such as "smart pills" (aka chocolate chips). Negotiations were especially difficult this day. They are either picking up on the trick or they were holding out for more on this particular morning. It cost her 3 "smart pills" per person today, she may need to work on a new bribe for next time. "Molding dough" (aka play dough) is being saved for the next negations.... She wonders if it is bribery or just a negotiation of services. They do what is asked and then she allows them to do something else??? Negotiation is a helpful skill later in life in some professions...oh but that bigger one....he is getting better. She battles him daily on subjects ranging from clothing choices, playtime options, food options, and if the sky blue some days. He is getting better too....it must be all the practice.
She takes another 10 second break to fuel up. They don't realize that she can only do everything because of her "fuel"....(aka coffee). She fuels up for the second or third cup(she has lost track at this point). She hears the next task being bellowed by the troops. It's now breakfast time. After another slightly shorter negotion session breakfast is made and served. She moves on to laundry but not before feeding the dog, watering the plants, and making all the beds. Once that is complete the little short ones allow her to take a shower but only if it does not exceed 4 1/2 minutes! She being a superhero does it in 4 minutes, so she got 30 seconds to use as she wishes! Take that!
One last fuel up and they are off to do their errands around town. They return books, go to the bank, and fuel up their rocketship (aka car) with gas. (Which is getting really expensive these days here so their trips will be limited due to the current economic state....what you don't think BW has time to read the paper or watch the news???)
Upon their return home, the oldest is fed and shipped off to learn how to one day rule the world! The youngest is left at home with her grandpa to rule hers! BW changes to her alter ego and goes off to blend in with the work force for the other half of her day....but don't worry she still has several more hours once she walks back in the door to be BW superhero!!!!

The race

I am running a race everyday
Started in a cool clean stride, looked at all my surroundings and
I am still running
Felt pride about my motivations ,only victory in my head and
I am still running
Time goes on and so does the race but
I am still running
Pushed through the cramps or bumps in the road and
I am still running
Battling the mind with each step but
I am still running
Self doubt, pity, and worth being tested every moment but yet
I am still running
Pushing through and hitting a harmonious rhythm and
I am still running
Questioning and wondering what I am doing and
I am still running
Seeing the finish line in the distance for the first time and
I am still running
Pushing harder and seeing it get closer and
I am still running
Crossing the line beaming with pride and
I am still running
Looking back at the road I traveled and amazed at the journey but
I am done running......for now!

Roses

Well life is like a bunch of roses isn't it? It is beautiful if you care for them and nurture them. The sun does it's job, water does it's job, and even the insects do theirs. It is a perfect example of nature working in harmony to produce beauty. Why can't we be more like that and just trust the harmonious nature of life will help produce the beauty from within each of us. We always want to control or change or "improve" what is there. Why can't we be satisfyed with the beauty that is right there in front of us or within us. We have everything we need to do this but our minds tell us differently. What is beauty anyway?? Do any of us know or do we just do what we are programed to think is beautiful?

I have been thinking about this long and hard the last week. I clearly have lost all things that would consider me beautiful on the outside. Hair is gone, scars everywhere, that extra weight from my now 6 year old child (too many ice creams i think), lack of clothing without holes in it (would rather buy my kids clothes than try them on myself), and lack of knowledge on good makeup styles. It may be in or out of my control on any one of these but the fact is they are gone. I have to come to realize especially with the latest one, the hair loss, that these standards really are unattainable for any of us.
Here is why... I have no hair and could choose any style in which I think is good, right. There is no committments to a style, it never is cut incorrectly or grows out. I never have to fix it because it is always ready to go. It is perfect hair so to speak, or is it?? I have tried on tons of wigs and have two great ones, but the fact remains that I am still not satisfyed. I caught myself being annoyed with my hairstyle this weekend....MY HAIRstyle....What is this all about? I hand picked my hair, I can change it whenever I want, and it is never not "perfectly" fixed. This is what our surroundings have done to us. We have become so focused on the things we want that we don't have. Wether it is hair, bigger or smaller boobs, facial features we hate,or whatever it is this week. Why do we constantly try to change who we are on the outside? I can tell you 100% that at the end of the day the person looking in the mirror at the end of the day will still be there no matter what you have done to the outside. I know this because I look at the white bald head EVERY day and wish that it wasn't true but the bald head I stare at is me and the world can take it or leave it. As long as I can become ok with it so will the rest of you. If I wanted to walk bald it would be hard for me but maybe freeing too?? who knows, for now the bandana is enough (this causes enough stares that occoasionally make me very insecure)
It is like we are trying to turn the little yellow roses into big giant sized red ones. It will never happen....how do you make the women and men of the world realize this though? If we all quit pretending to be something we were not in the name of beauty maybe we would get along better...we would not be hiding from what we are all the time.
What is funny is that going out in the bandana is my obvious "I have cancer" statement. It always causes faces to look at me with pity. maybe it is for me or maybe they are just soooo gald it is not them. They don't do it to be offensive or mean. I think they are just happy it's not their problem. Really though their life would be easier if it was them. All of which used to be important really isn't and it makes it difficult to listen to people who say otherwise. I am what I am at the end of the day the good and the bad. Have you ever seen a rose that wasn't beautiful for what it was? I feel the same about each of you. Have a beautiful day! Stay true!