Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
Dale Carnegie
I love this one. It is so attitude based isn't it? I am so blessed to have both of these. I have what I want and want what I have!! Here is my newest idea.....
The Friends of the Bald Woman is going to begin a group. Many of you who heard me speak the other night heard me say, we are in an "Exclusive Club" that nobody wants to join! Now that we are in it and don't have a choice, we can embrace it, right?
We are going to start linking newly diagnosed cancer patients with those of us who have "been there done that". My plan is to create a database of survivors and "newbies" (which I have already done). Then I will enter those who are interested on either side and link them up with a "Friend". The Friends will send cards, give phone calls every now and then, and if they are local to each other meet up possibly. I think there is great power in having a friend you can call that knows where your at and what you have been through. After all the "Newbies" are just waiting to become "Survivors" right?
If you know a new cancer patient or are one let me know. Same for you "old hats" please let me know if you want to be involved in this project! This is for ALL cancers and for men and women! Heck we could even link it up with children and their families! The possibilities are endless!
Spread the word....
The Diary of the Bald Woman
Friday, September 24, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Why having cancer is like being in High Shcool.......
Why having cancer is like being in High School.......
Dinners are made by other people and all you have to do is eat it!
House is cleaned by someone else (but there is no nagging to do it when you have cancer)
You lay around the house watching TV all afternoon because....YOU CAN
People are constantly calling and "checking in" on you
Friends come and go but just like high school the one's that matter stick with you no matter what
In high school my dad used to always say nothing good happens after midnight, with cancer....same is true...Nothing good happens to you after midnight!
In high school you worry about getting into groups or cliques when you have cancer...you worry about getting out of the "Club"
Being the Homecoming Queen was quickly replaced with being the current reigning Chemo Princess
In high school I had the memory of a blonde, now I have NO memory.
Instead of worrying about Bad Hair Days you worry about NO hair days!
Dinners are made by other people and all you have to do is eat it!
House is cleaned by someone else (but there is no nagging to do it when you have cancer)
You lay around the house watching TV all afternoon because....YOU CAN
People are constantly calling and "checking in" on you
Friends come and go but just like high school the one's that matter stick with you no matter what
In high school my dad used to always say nothing good happens after midnight, with cancer....same is true...Nothing good happens to you after midnight!
In high school you worry about getting into groups or cliques when you have cancer...you worry about getting out of the "Club"
Being the Homecoming Queen was quickly replaced with being the current reigning Chemo Princess
In high school I had the memory of a blonde, now I have NO memory.
Instead of worrying about Bad Hair Days you worry about NO hair days!
Getting back up
If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.
H. G. Wells
Oh boy this one is good today. Bruised or not we dust off and get back up again. sometimes we are exhausted and don't want to keep trying. What makes us get up one time or one hundred times? What is it in each of us that says to keep going or quit? In my fight there were a billion times that I thought (in my head) that I was done. I was just going to quit.
I know more times than not I gloss over that sucky part of having cancer. The reason I do that is because the world knows all about that part. The part where you are sitting there unable to move off the couch, the times you are sicker than a long night's hangover, and pains like one will never know. Yes, everyone knows cancer sucks. You lose your hair, sometimes pride, and even some modesty. Everyone knows the horrible stories that are shared of bad doctors, medicines that have negative side effects, and even the lives that this stupid disease proclaims daily. WE KNOW this....Why do we need to focus on that part. Cancer brings people together, cancer brings new perspectives (usually for the better), and cancer brings chances over and over to practice "getting back up"! Cancer brings cool T shirts, house cleaning, and even better food! :) Why don't we relish in these things instead of pining over what it takes from us.... I am just a young kid though, right. What do I know? I am 30 year old mother of two that had a job, kids to LIVE for, and something to prove. Many people out there don't know me, but if they did I (think) they would see that I really try to live my life this way. I want to make a dent on this planet and if I can change a few perspectives along the way....wonderful. Those that don't...I am sorry now for all the pain and suffering that you will endure in your lifetime. We all will have that over and over (it is called life).....but how you choose to deal with it....that is what makes us!
When you have climbed a really big mountain and try to explain what you have seen it will never sound as wonderful as actually being there experiencing it. Each of us has to climb our own mountains and see....my hope is that you don't use your whole life to get to the top!
H. G. Wells
Oh boy this one is good today. Bruised or not we dust off and get back up again. sometimes we are exhausted and don't want to keep trying. What makes us get up one time or one hundred times? What is it in each of us that says to keep going or quit? In my fight there were a billion times that I thought (in my head) that I was done. I was just going to quit.
I know more times than not I gloss over that sucky part of having cancer. The reason I do that is because the world knows all about that part. The part where you are sitting there unable to move off the couch, the times you are sicker than a long night's hangover, and pains like one will never know. Yes, everyone knows cancer sucks. You lose your hair, sometimes pride, and even some modesty. Everyone knows the horrible stories that are shared of bad doctors, medicines that have negative side effects, and even the lives that this stupid disease proclaims daily. WE KNOW this....Why do we need to focus on that part. Cancer brings people together, cancer brings new perspectives (usually for the better), and cancer brings chances over and over to practice "getting back up"! Cancer brings cool T shirts, house cleaning, and even better food! :) Why don't we relish in these things instead of pining over what it takes from us.... I am just a young kid though, right. What do I know? I am 30 year old mother of two that had a job, kids to LIVE for, and something to prove. Many people out there don't know me, but if they did I (think) they would see that I really try to live my life this way. I want to make a dent on this planet and if I can change a few perspectives along the way....wonderful. Those that don't...I am sorry now for all the pain and suffering that you will endure in your lifetime. We all will have that over and over (it is called life).....but how you choose to deal with it....that is what makes us!
When you have climbed a really big mountain and try to explain what you have seen it will never sound as wonderful as actually being there experiencing it. Each of us has to climb our own mountains and see....my hope is that you don't use your whole life to get to the top!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Do we hate change?
The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.
Charles Kettering
It seems as if the only thing that is constant is change??? I have obviously been through tremendous change in the last year but really at many points in my life I have been forever changed. I think it has made me a better person for each one of them.
I am in the midst of change right now. I am trying to develop a new normal now after having gone through such a tiring fight. I never once wanted to give up (I don't think....I may need to go back and read what I wrote in like March huh!?) but there were definitely those days that were more of a challenge to get through. I fought each and every day to live to see the next. Thinking about it that way seems way more dramatic than I felt actually doing it. Sometimes I wonder why people seem to think I did such an "amazing thing" or why they think I am "sooo strong". I am serious. I guess I just felt that I did what needed to be done and tried to look at the good....Is that amazing???? Maybe? I am not trying to downplay those comments or not appreciate them....It just seems as if people do this everyday you know! Now you know I LOVE the attention....so go ahead and keep them coming! I am just thinking out loud I guess!
Now that the fight is over, each day I am blessed to open my eyes feels like it should be having a bit more meaning....I am still here...why, obviously I have some mission or purpose. I am not trying to complain that I am still here but more trying to figure out the why so I can get to doing it. When I addressed that crowd the other night it felt amazing (well after it was done). I don't really remember doing it...it was like I went to auto pilot! :) When it was over there was a great response from people I knew and didn't know. My hope is that they weren't just saying nice things to be kind but that I really was able to change lives or ways of thinking. That is really what I feel I need to be doing. I guess that can be done in any setting, but it was especially gratifying to do it in such a dramatic BW fashion! I told you before the BW is much braver than I am, much more courageous, and much more "with it"! I got to incorporate everything I love music, talking, and attempting to be funny!
I know most wouldn't agree but I really think that having HAD cancer (PAST TENSE) changed me for the better. I am grateful that I got to have this chance to be that change I have been waiting to see!!!! This great change that I once hated has brought me the most progress yet?? Maybe we should not spend so much energy HATING the change rather than just being thankful for what is important. (Those things don't ever change). Establishing that makes life much more meaningful (which is great progress). Guess that guy knows what he is talking about huh???
Charles Kettering
It seems as if the only thing that is constant is change??? I have obviously been through tremendous change in the last year but really at many points in my life I have been forever changed. I think it has made me a better person for each one of them.
I am in the midst of change right now. I am trying to develop a new normal now after having gone through such a tiring fight. I never once wanted to give up (I don't think....I may need to go back and read what I wrote in like March huh!?) but there were definitely those days that were more of a challenge to get through. I fought each and every day to live to see the next. Thinking about it that way seems way more dramatic than I felt actually doing it. Sometimes I wonder why people seem to think I did such an "amazing thing" or why they think I am "sooo strong". I am serious. I guess I just felt that I did what needed to be done and tried to look at the good....Is that amazing???? Maybe? I am not trying to downplay those comments or not appreciate them....It just seems as if people do this everyday you know! Now you know I LOVE the attention....so go ahead and keep them coming! I am just thinking out loud I guess!
Now that the fight is over, each day I am blessed to open my eyes feels like it should be having a bit more meaning....I am still here...why, obviously I have some mission or purpose. I am not trying to complain that I am still here but more trying to figure out the why so I can get to doing it. When I addressed that crowd the other night it felt amazing (well after it was done). I don't really remember doing it...it was like I went to auto pilot! :) When it was over there was a great response from people I knew and didn't know. My hope is that they weren't just saying nice things to be kind but that I really was able to change lives or ways of thinking. That is really what I feel I need to be doing. I guess that can be done in any setting, but it was especially gratifying to do it in such a dramatic BW fashion! I told you before the BW is much braver than I am, much more courageous, and much more "with it"! I got to incorporate everything I love music, talking, and attempting to be funny!
I know most wouldn't agree but I really think that having HAD cancer (PAST TENSE) changed me for the better. I am grateful that I got to have this chance to be that change I have been waiting to see!!!! This great change that I once hated has brought me the most progress yet?? Maybe we should not spend so much energy HATING the change rather than just being thankful for what is important. (Those things don't ever change). Establishing that makes life much more meaningful (which is great progress). Guess that guy knows what he is talking about huh???
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Kiss Cancer Goodbye
Wow! What an event last night. I went to the Kiss Cancer Goodbye event last night and had my speaking debut. The event was so well put together and came off with a bang! I had a dozen of my closest friends and family standing there supporting me and we had a great time.
The speech went pretty well. I decided to cross off #4 on the "list of things to do before my time expires" which was sing in public. I was soooo nervous it was ridiculous. Nothing a sip of champagne won't cure right!!? I got up there and did my spiel and hopefully made a few people laugh and think differently about cancer patients and survivors! The speech ended with what was supposed to be my choreographed dance number.....but the stage was not big enough. I decided to put on the beautiful mullet with my bandanna and rock out to I'm a Survivor by Destiny's Child. It was memorable for sure!! :)
I think the thing that was the best for me however was after I finished. The response from people I knew and people I didn't know. They told me about their struggles, triumphs, and humorous stories too! What it really showed me is that we are all people.....we all struggle, we all have triumphs, and we all need humor! I was honored to be the one up there sharing in that victory that each survivor in the room was feeling! My goal was to open eyes to laughter even in times that are scary and I hope that is what I was able to accomplish up there.
What a great night! Thanks to all who came!
The speech went pretty well. I decided to cross off #4 on the "list of things to do before my time expires" which was sing in public. I was soooo nervous it was ridiculous. Nothing a sip of champagne won't cure right!!? I got up there and did my spiel and hopefully made a few people laugh and think differently about cancer patients and survivors! The speech ended with what was supposed to be my choreographed dance number.....but the stage was not big enough. I decided to put on the beautiful mullet with my bandanna and rock out to I'm a Survivor by Destiny's Child. It was memorable for sure!! :)
I think the thing that was the best for me however was after I finished. The response from people I knew and people I didn't know. They told me about their struggles, triumphs, and humorous stories too! What it really showed me is that we are all people.....we all struggle, we all have triumphs, and we all need humor! I was honored to be the one up there sharing in that victory that each survivor in the room was feeling! My goal was to open eyes to laughter even in times that are scary and I hope that is what I was able to accomplish up there.
What a great night! Thanks to all who came!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Let Susy Sunshine Through...Please
I love love love this quote. It goes so much with what I believe right now and my current view of life (minus a few bum days)
Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.
Lou Holtz
If only we could all be so lucky as to really know what this means. It is much more freeing to live like that. I will have to say even my Susy sunshine attitude is tested....read yesterday's post if you don't believe me. I am hoping it is just these fabulous meds that they give me. Mood altering and all I will quit them if it takes that positive attitude away. I would rather have cancer again then go back to the negative, woa is me, and everything is wrong kind of life. I will chat with the doc next week and see if these mood swings are a side effect or if I am just having an off day/week! Lets hope for the latter. We welcomed a new puppy into our home last week also (maybe potty training,chewing, and just being a puppy are making me have this mini crazy moment)
Oh well, Today is so far so good. Lets ride these moods like a roller coaster! I am getting really excited to speak at the Kiss Cancer Goodbye event on Wednesday. I have a little something prepared...let's see if my nerves of steel will cooperate with my idea! Very busy these days trying to get the Friends of the Bald Woman up off the ground. I think time will tell....I will do my best to keep this thing going and the ideas are rolling in my head. In my experience, when something just starts falling together so easily...let it! It is probably going to be a good thing. Will have our first meeting after this event next week. I am hoping to bring the pink toilet to the event to maybe get some sign ups for businesses to host it.
The sun is shining and hopefully Susy will be pushing through today. (This really makes me sound like I have multiple personalities doesn't it????)
Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.
Lou Holtz
If only we could all be so lucky as to really know what this means. It is much more freeing to live like that. I will have to say even my Susy sunshine attitude is tested....read yesterday's post if you don't believe me. I am hoping it is just these fabulous meds that they give me. Mood altering and all I will quit them if it takes that positive attitude away. I would rather have cancer again then go back to the negative, woa is me, and everything is wrong kind of life. I will chat with the doc next week and see if these mood swings are a side effect or if I am just having an off day/week! Lets hope for the latter. We welcomed a new puppy into our home last week also (maybe potty training,chewing, and just being a puppy are making me have this mini crazy moment)
Oh well, Today is so far so good. Lets ride these moods like a roller coaster! I am getting really excited to speak at the Kiss Cancer Goodbye event on Wednesday. I have a little something prepared...let's see if my nerves of steel will cooperate with my idea! Very busy these days trying to get the Friends of the Bald Woman up off the ground. I think time will tell....I will do my best to keep this thing going and the ideas are rolling in my head. In my experience, when something just starts falling together so easily...let it! It is probably going to be a good thing. Will have our first meeting after this event next week. I am hoping to bring the pink toilet to the event to maybe get some sign ups for businesses to host it.
The sun is shining and hopefully Susy will be pushing through today. (This really makes me sound like I have multiple personalities doesn't it????)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Caios
My life feels as if it is in a huge snowball rolling down a hill. It is going faster and faster and I am stuck in the middle gettting more and more buried in it. I am praying for a road block to just let it stop for a minute so I can see where the heck I am. I am feeling like I don't know who I am anymore. I have so many responsiblities and I am pulled in 100 different directions everyday! My question is nothing has changed (except me) and I have less to deal with now than before, so why?
I am still processing that thought. You would think one would be over the moon and thankful every second of each day that they are cancer free. I am and I do, but I still have these moments where I get pissed off that I even have had to deal with this. Why? It is over!
From what I have read and talked with others I know this is normal, but for a few days I have really felt like Susy Sunshine (my normal persona) is gone and Negative Nelly is all I am left with. I feel better when I laugh, but haven't been laughing much lately. Need that back again for sure. I had to quit the gym which was the only thing keeping me sane (my running and training).Additionally, fall is in full swing and I am so wrapped up in working and slowly heading right back down the path of losing what made this journey so memorable. I set out to be the "best cancer patient" there was and to break the "sterotypes" that people have of cancer patients. Now....I guess I am just left with me again. I want to help others and really have passion for that but it is so quickly getting snowballed and pretty soon I will be at the bottom of the mountain with too much around me to get out!
I realize this is not in true bald woman fashion, but today I felt it was important to share this because I am just like everyone else with ups and downs. My famous quote that I made up is "Life has ups and downs but it is how we choose to deal with them that makes us who we are."
I should take my own advice from time to time!! :)
Feeling better allready I guess.
Ironically here is the quote of the day today,
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan
I guess we can all persevere over whatever we are going through and the positive mind that I have is just being tested right now. I have more power than I realize over my current status and the sooner I can come to the realization of that....the sooner I can enjoy what I really am wanting to do!!!! Watch out world because I have somehow just given myself a pep talk while I was writing and now I am ready to be the change I wish to see!!!!!
I am still processing that thought. You would think one would be over the moon and thankful every second of each day that they are cancer free. I am and I do, but I still have these moments where I get pissed off that I even have had to deal with this. Why? It is over!
From what I have read and talked with others I know this is normal, but for a few days I have really felt like Susy Sunshine (my normal persona) is gone and Negative Nelly is all I am left with. I feel better when I laugh, but haven't been laughing much lately. Need that back again for sure. I had to quit the gym which was the only thing keeping me sane (my running and training).Additionally, fall is in full swing and I am so wrapped up in working and slowly heading right back down the path of losing what made this journey so memorable. I set out to be the "best cancer patient" there was and to break the "sterotypes" that people have of cancer patients. Now....I guess I am just left with me again. I want to help others and really have passion for that but it is so quickly getting snowballed and pretty soon I will be at the bottom of the mountain with too much around me to get out!
I realize this is not in true bald woman fashion, but today I felt it was important to share this because I am just like everyone else with ups and downs. My famous quote that I made up is "Life has ups and downs but it is how we choose to deal with them that makes us who we are."
I should take my own advice from time to time!! :)
Feeling better allready I guess.
Ironically here is the quote of the day today,
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan
I guess we can all persevere over whatever we are going through and the positive mind that I have is just being tested right now. I have more power than I realize over my current status and the sooner I can come to the realization of that....the sooner I can enjoy what I really am wanting to do!!!! Watch out world because I have somehow just given myself a pep talk while I was writing and now I am ready to be the change I wish to see!!!!!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Make the difference
Quote of the Day
It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference.
Tom Brokaw
Oh this could not be more fitting to my current life!!! I am struggling to find balance right now. Balance between my work and home, balance between my financial security and my passion, and just simply create a new "normal". I never dreamed it would be so difficult. Maybe I am having a Pre-Mid-Life Crisis??? :)
I guess we never know if we are making a difference untill after we have made it. Does that mean that EVERYTHING we do should be with that purpose in mind???
It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference.
Tom Brokaw
Oh this could not be more fitting to my current life!!! I am struggling to find balance right now. Balance between my work and home, balance between my financial security and my passion, and just simply create a new "normal". I never dreamed it would be so difficult. Maybe I am having a Pre-Mid-Life Crisis??? :)
I guess we never know if we are making a difference untill after we have made it. Does that mean that EVERYTHING we do should be with that purpose in mind???
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Back to Reality
Well here is an update on the busy "back to reality" bald woman. I went to the Oncologist on Tuesday and got my Tamoxifen that I will now be taking daily for the next 5 years. I guess when I am taking meds or pumping crap or zapping this stuff is when I actually feel protected. She and I talked and I have a 17% chance of the cancer returning. Pretty great odds you might say....to me honestly...it is all 50/50. I like to think that it will never return but I will not spend my life worrying if it will because that ultimately means Cancer won the fight. If you live your life in fear of cancer you are not really living and it has won! I will think of it from time to time and then let it pass. I will continue to make each day count and let the people around me know how much I care.
I will help others and the slow start of the Friends of the Bald Woman will not stop me from doing something that NEEDS to be done. We have way too many people that have cancer and too many need help. I will help these people no matter what. I want to help some local people, help our local cancer center, and then even allot some to big time groups. We are all doing the same thing, but my goal is to take care of people here first. I have some promising leads of really big contacts but it is becoming a lot harder to do this and work and be mom and house cleaner and....whatever else.
We will have our first meeting soon to get things rolling.
Big news: I have been thinking lots about what I would most love to do with life. I really wish writing was my full time job because I really love doing this now. I also would love to talk...I know big shocker those who know me...me, talking???? I have been given the opportunity to speak at the KISS CANCER GOODBYE EVENT (they have a facebook page, check them out) I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am for this. You give me a mic and....let's just say they will probably need a hook. I am hoping to get a few more of these and maybe my speaking career will take off. :) Who knows the directions we will travel but we will be fine as long as we enjoy the ride and check out the scenery along the way!! Those in WA should come check it out...I will try to sneak in a few unexpected surprises!!
Reality is what YOU make it so if this is really what I want....YOU WILL see me on some talk show one day. Get on board now before I become famous and don't have time to meet you anymore :) I love dreams!!!!
I will help others and the slow start of the Friends of the Bald Woman will not stop me from doing something that NEEDS to be done. We have way too many people that have cancer and too many need help. I will help these people no matter what. I want to help some local people, help our local cancer center, and then even allot some to big time groups. We are all doing the same thing, but my goal is to take care of people here first. I have some promising leads of really big contacts but it is becoming a lot harder to do this and work and be mom and house cleaner and....whatever else.
We will have our first meeting soon to get things rolling.
Big news: I have been thinking lots about what I would most love to do with life. I really wish writing was my full time job because I really love doing this now. I also would love to talk...I know big shocker those who know me...me, talking???? I have been given the opportunity to speak at the KISS CANCER GOODBYE EVENT (they have a facebook page, check them out) I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am for this. You give me a mic and....let's just say they will probably need a hook. I am hoping to get a few more of these and maybe my speaking career will take off. :) Who knows the directions we will travel but we will be fine as long as we enjoy the ride and check out the scenery along the way!! Those in WA should come check it out...I will try to sneak in a few unexpected surprises!!
Reality is what YOU make it so if this is really what I want....YOU WILL see me on some talk show one day. Get on board now before I become famous and don't have time to meet you anymore :) I love dreams!!!!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Pray for peace
Sorry but today brings a more sobering post. Two families from my hometown have just received the most devastating news that their loved ones have passed on. Although I was not close with either, I feel their pain like it was my own. One family lost a friend, son, and father at way too young of an age. The other lost their 2 year old child to cancer. I can barely keep tears from eyes just to write about this today. I realize that we all have a plan and that when our time is up we are the one's in a better place, but it seems so unfair. As someone who has had cancer thinking about a little girl at 2 years old dealing with this....why is all I can come up with. I have a 3 year old and I can not even imagine the pain that these parents must be dealing with. I am 100% she is in a better place looking down at them but prayers today go with the parents and families of these two people. I am so sorry for each of these families losses and I pray for them just as if it was my own family. I read a blog that the mom started and the facebook page of the other and so many posts about the wonderful things that they had done. I was glad to see so many that knew them and some that didn't sharing prayers with each of these families. My prayer today is for peace for the families and the knowledge that their loved ones have changed lives around them whether we knew them well or not. It will definitely make me continue to live each and every day that I am blessed to wake up and be here like it is my last, hug my kids more than my 1000 times I already do a day, and tell each and everyone around me how they have changed my life for the better.
RIP Mackenzie Brownlee
RIP Josh McCandless
Peace be with you and your families.
RIP Mackenzie Brownlee
RIP Josh McCandless
Peace be with you and your families.
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