"Keep Moving Forward!" -Walt Disney
I realize I have been a bit MIA lately. I have just been feeling a bit like a cheerleader for a losing team. You can go along great for a while (in my case a LONG while) but at some point you need a cheerleader yourself. I guess I have just finally made it to that point. I don't want to feel this way and believe me I am FULLY aware that my negativity is effecting my life right now. I am trying....and that is all I can say.
Just as I did a few years ago, everyday I put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. My head tells me to give up but I just keep going. We don't always have to like what is happening to us but we do have the choice in how we deal. today....I am not doing that great. I know that, but the beauty of this roller coaster of life is that I get to make another choice tomorrow!
I am training for a Triathlon this summer and train 6 days a week. I have lost weight, inches, and gained a new found confidence. I feel great physically. Mentally, that may be a different story. this whole cancer thing has screwed up my head. I try to turn off these horrible thoughts but sometimes I just can't. I don't want to die but sometimes I convince myself that I am going to. I feel crazy. I don't even have cancer anymore (according to the doctors). Cancer may leave your body, but it lies in your mind forever...just trying to use the best coping strategies I have to deal each day. Here is the thing though when you get cancer, especially at a young age, you have a lot of time on your hands to contemplate your mortality. Truth is if today was my last day I feel 100% at peace with what I have done with the life I have had. The problem is though there is soooo much I want to DO before I go. There is so much beauty in this world that I want to see! When cancer hits many want to go out and live this great bucket list, but at 32 with 2 kids, a husband, and 2 dogs.....not gonna happen. It makes life a bit difficult to travel the world when you have a young family ( and NO MONEY). Guess for now will have to hope that I get to live long enough to make that stuff happen later.
Well now that all that negativity crap is out of my brain I have to admit I do feel a bit better. Maybe writing, my new love, is the thing keeping me from living happy again. I should make more of an effort to keep with it. It really is cheap therapy and for know it is the only therapy I can afford LOL!
Today on FBW I asked "What songs to pull you out of a funk?" Yes, I realize it was a bit selfish to ask for total strangers to post uplifting music to inspire me, but I gotta say it kinda worked! Maybe just maybe someone else is having a bad day and will too be inspired by these wonderful lyrics! Thank you to all the facebook fans for being wonderful. I will leave with one positive note since the majority of this post is a bit whiny.... Bob Marley says, "Don't worry....about a thing....because every little thing is gonna be alright!"
I too know that everything will be alright...maybe not today....but it WILL SOON!!!
Have a great day and enjoy the little things that make life so wonderful! That is what I will be doing today! :)
