What do you say in those situations with your kids when they ask the most difficult questions. "Mom,where do babies come from? Why do people get married? Why do people fart?" Some make you laugh, some make you cry, and some just stop you in your tracks and think....
My son is 7 years old, he is funny, smart as whip, and cute as a button. He changed my life when he was born. He is very inquisitive and always asking questions that could have many answers. Most of the time I can still answer these questions in the most simple way possible. Last night however he got me. I had no answer. I am the mom and am supposed to know ALL the answers and last night....well I could barely even respond.
He asked me last night if I was going to have to do chemo again. I told him, "I don't think so". He doesn't need to know that I worry about this same question all the time still, so I answer and look down at this huge 7 year old kid barely fitting on my lap. He wipes his eyes. "Are you crying?" I ask him a bit confused. The whole time I went through treatments he never really said anything much about it. I tried to get him to talk about it but he never really did so I guess in my mind I believed he was unaffected by this as my 3 year old was and will be. I was wrong.
He looks up with those little blue eyes filled with tears and says,"Cancer can kill people". I shake my head, attempting to not burst into tears too, and say, "you are right love it does sometimes". He lays on my chest and tells me that he doesn't want me to die because he would miss me and not see me again till he dies. Tears are flowing now and I am trying to have some great things to say to ease his poor little mind. I remind him how I won my fight and my cancer is all gone. Then he asks the hard one, is it gonna come back?.....What do say to this? Do lie and say no way or never? Do you tell the truth and say maybe? Do you hug your little one tight and tell him you love him and you are doing everything possible to make sure that you never see this again?
My fear from day one was not treatment but that my kids would be affected by this disease too. Take what you want from me but leave my kids alone. Cancer effects an ENTIRE family not just the one receiving the treatments. Yes, treatment is the harder part BUT I would rather go through treatments than watch it any day! Seeing my 7 year old son so upset about this makes me hate this disease even more than I already do! I really didn't think that was possible. My fuel that occasionally runs out for helping those with cancer and their families was just refilled for like a year and I am on a mission to destroy this worry.
I hugged my son last night I told him that I loved him and will forever love him. I told him that even though my cancer is gone I will fight EVERY day to keep it away for him and his sister. I don't know if what I said helped ease his fears but it was 100% truth. I don't know what my future has in store for me so there is really no point in worrying about it. I have said it a million times in this blog and live it each day, "keep moving forward".....that is all we can do.
What do you say when you don't know the answers? I guess maybe sometimes the answer is just not having one.
The Diary of the Bald Woman
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Sparks
Some will say that one person can not change the world. Maybe, but ONE person can spark a chain of events that in turn does change the world.....One small thing that you do could be that spark. It could be as simple as smile or kind words to a stranger. You never know....
Will you be the spark or will you be the one who blows it out?
Just some random thoughts of the day from the gal who is trying to light as many sparks as possible to see one huge fireworks show this fourth of July!
Have a good one!!!
Will you be the spark or will you be the one who blows it out?
Just some random thoughts of the day from the gal who is trying to light as many sparks as possible to see one huge fireworks show this fourth of July!
Have a good one!!!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
A challenge today
Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?
Benjamin Franklin
Should I consider this a sign that this quote came up twice in a weeks time? The quotes randomly rotate each day and I have only now after a year seen a repeated quote. Why this one repeated so soon after it just came up?
I am not sure if I have a talent. I am very good at finding talent in others but not myself. Hey wait is that a talent?? I guess it all is how you look at it right!?
I could list out all the things that I am not, but today I will focus on what I AM.....
I AM.....
funny (at least I crack myself up)
loud (always being asked to be quiet)
compassionate (want the world to see there are good people out there)
resourceful (I may not know but I will find it)
driven (although the goal may change my focus on that goal does not)
scattered (a master at juggling 800 things at a time)
What are you? All too often we focus on what we are NOT in our lives and what we do NOT have. Today your challenge is to focus on what you DO have and what you ARE!!
Good luck, it is not that easy but for 24 hours just try it...nothing negative. So even your negatives need to have a "silver lining" just for a day.
Benjamin Franklin
Should I consider this a sign that this quote came up twice in a weeks time? The quotes randomly rotate each day and I have only now after a year seen a repeated quote. Why this one repeated so soon after it just came up?
I am not sure if I have a talent. I am very good at finding talent in others but not myself. Hey wait is that a talent?? I guess it all is how you look at it right!?
I could list out all the things that I am not, but today I will focus on what I AM.....
I AM.....
funny (at least I crack myself up)
loud (always being asked to be quiet)
compassionate (want the world to see there are good people out there)
resourceful (I may not know but I will find it)
driven (although the goal may change my focus on that goal does not)
scattered (a master at juggling 800 things at a time)
What are you? All too often we focus on what we are NOT in our lives and what we do NOT have. Today your challenge is to focus on what you DO have and what you ARE!!
Good luck, it is not that easy but for 24 hours just try it...nothing negative. So even your negatives need to have a "silver lining" just for a day.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Are we there yet???
"Are we there yet?" We have all heard it and said it..... This was the phrase of the day on my most recent big adventure.
I recently took 40 middle school children to the Seattle Science Center. It was a jam packed day that began at 5am. My own son was off school so I decided to bring him along with us. He felt that at 3:20am that we were going to be late and woke me up to share in his panic....we weren't supposed to get up for about another 40 minutes. He then returned to bed but me....not so fortunate, so...the day began at 3am!
45 tired people entered the bus at 5am and we were off for the first leg of our 4 1/2 hour school bus ride! Now I want you to imagine back to your school bus days for a minute....now not so bad to remember as a kid, right. As an adult, well, that's a different story. Assuming both of your legs comfortably fit facing forward in your seat, it is still no way to spend the next 4 hours of your life. There is also the knees up on your seat approach, this works temporarily untill all the blood rushes out of your legs and the pins and needles begin. The only option is to toss and turn and distract yourself in good conversation. did I mention I took 40 middle school age kids?
2 hours fly by...I am laughing out loud right now.....Only 25 "Are we there yet's" have been noted. Rest stop #1....oh boy. This fabulous rest stop had no real working bathrooms. Yes, I did say rest stop. Isn't that their main job??? Who owns rest stops because boy they would get an earful! It did however have 2 full port-a-potties! FULL! I was desparate so I used one but almost stepped in vomit to use it. OH the memories made!!! The other my son used and when he opened the door the smell was so horrible I almost vomitted myself. Maybe that is what happened in my port-a-pottie?>?? Only half of the students were brave enough to use them so back to the bus it was!
Another speedy 2 1/2 hours go by but this time about 35 "Are we there yet's". Finally I was able to tell them, YES we are (and mean it)! The day flies by at the Science Center. Watching the students in my group of 10 weave in and out of the 50 other school groups that were there that day was about as fun as the whole port-a-potty incident. In all seriousness, seeing the students learn about science when they all claim they hate it...that was priceless! The I-Max was somewhat of a bust for them but the laser show made up for that entirely! We ate lunch right in font of the Key Arena and were given some oh so fragrant smells of herbal remedies as we ate. We unknowingly walked all 40 students through a street fair. That wasn't stressful at all! It reminded me of the movie UP where the dog sees the squirrels. We made it to the Space Needle together and those who had never been were in awe, so for me the stress was well worth it. The day completed with the oh so fun visit to the gift shop! Then back on the road.
We were on the road for about 15 minutes before the "Are we there yet's" started back up. This time it was referring to dinner. Before we made it to Mc D's we were stuck in a Memorial Day road construction traffic jam! The kids really got to experience one more true Seattle site.....for over an hour! this is when the "Are we there yet's" were flowing like the rain and snow that was beginning outside the bus!
After 5 1/2 hours on the bus we finally arrived home to the school!
Overall, we realize we spent more time on the road than we did actually in Seattle, BUT from my perspective worth the ride! We often get caught in getting from point a to b and don't always look at the road along the way. I have learned through my disease that the ride is where the memories will come. I hope that I have given each of those students a memory that they will take with them as they move on in life. I believe that is the greatest gift that I can give them on my last days there.
The bus was filled with "Are we there yet's" but we were "THERE" the second we stepped on that bus.....
Enjoy your journey today!
I recently took 40 middle school children to the Seattle Science Center. It was a jam packed day that began at 5am. My own son was off school so I decided to bring him along with us. He felt that at 3:20am that we were going to be late and woke me up to share in his panic....we weren't supposed to get up for about another 40 minutes. He then returned to bed but me....not so fortunate, so...the day began at 3am!
45 tired people entered the bus at 5am and we were off for the first leg of our 4 1/2 hour school bus ride! Now I want you to imagine back to your school bus days for a minute....now not so bad to remember as a kid, right. As an adult, well, that's a different story. Assuming both of your legs comfortably fit facing forward in your seat, it is still no way to spend the next 4 hours of your life. There is also the knees up on your seat approach, this works temporarily untill all the blood rushes out of your legs and the pins and needles begin. The only option is to toss and turn and distract yourself in good conversation. did I mention I took 40 middle school age kids?
2 hours fly by...I am laughing out loud right now.....Only 25 "Are we there yet's" have been noted. Rest stop #1....oh boy. This fabulous rest stop had no real working bathrooms. Yes, I did say rest stop. Isn't that their main job??? Who owns rest stops because boy they would get an earful! It did however have 2 full port-a-potties! FULL! I was desparate so I used one but almost stepped in vomit to use it. OH the memories made!!! The other my son used and when he opened the door the smell was so horrible I almost vomitted myself. Maybe that is what happened in my port-a-pottie?>?? Only half of the students were brave enough to use them so back to the bus it was!
Another speedy 2 1/2 hours go by but this time about 35 "Are we there yet's". Finally I was able to tell them, YES we are (and mean it)! The day flies by at the Science Center. Watching the students in my group of 10 weave in and out of the 50 other school groups that were there that day was about as fun as the whole port-a-potty incident. In all seriousness, seeing the students learn about science when they all claim they hate it...that was priceless! The I-Max was somewhat of a bust for them but the laser show made up for that entirely! We ate lunch right in font of the Key Arena and were given some oh so fragrant smells of herbal remedies as we ate. We unknowingly walked all 40 students through a street fair. That wasn't stressful at all! It reminded me of the movie UP where the dog sees the squirrels. We made it to the Space Needle together and those who had never been were in awe, so for me the stress was well worth it. The day completed with the oh so fun visit to the gift shop! Then back on the road.
We were on the road for about 15 minutes before the "Are we there yet's" started back up. This time it was referring to dinner. Before we made it to Mc D's we were stuck in a Memorial Day road construction traffic jam! The kids really got to experience one more true Seattle site.....for over an hour! this is when the "Are we there yet's" were flowing like the rain and snow that was beginning outside the bus!
After 5 1/2 hours on the bus we finally arrived home to the school!
Overall, we realize we spent more time on the road than we did actually in Seattle, BUT from my perspective worth the ride! We often get caught in getting from point a to b and don't always look at the road along the way. I have learned through my disease that the ride is where the memories will come. I hope that I have given each of those students a memory that they will take with them as they move on in life. I believe that is the greatest gift that I can give them on my last days there.
The bus was filled with "Are we there yet's" but we were "THERE" the second we stepped on that bus.....
Enjoy your journey today!
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