I grew up in a small town. We had 1 High School, 1or2 good clothing store choices, and a Wal-Mart. Being "from" a small town is great. Growing up there...well I can't really say I appreciated its simple beauty. I wanted BIGGER and BETTER and that place just wasn't cutting it. As soon I hit 18, I was gone. I left what I felt was a "prison" in the dust behind my little Toyota Trecel.
When I was 4 years old we had lived all over the world. In other countries, states, and great places. My dad was from a small town and decided to head back there and visit my grandma who was still there. On this particular visit he decided it would be his last "visit" and we moved to Missouri. I used to ask often why I could not have grown up in California (where we were at right before this move) or England (where we had lived and where my mom grew up) or....well ANYWHERE but here!! It wasn't till I moved away and had a family of my own that I understood just why my family picked that town.
They picked this place because of the simple charm. There were wonderful old homes on Broadway. There were the tornado's. I know that doesn't seem like a reason to pick a town and I am sure it wasn't, but it is something I miss. The way everything outside turns an Eire shade of green and it is more still and quiet than anything I have ever seen, really is amazing. I miss porch swings and people in their front yards talking to each other. The skating rink where I grew up and spent countless hours playing the limbo and dice game. I miss the State Fair and how the town got 20 degrees hotter each year on that week. I miss going out to old dirt roads and blasting music and having weekend bonfires. I miss how the town seemed to revolve around Friday night football games at JJ stadium. I miss the cold evenings in a cheer uniform drinking hot chocolate and cheering on the team. Everyone looked out for each other. At the time I felt it was an annoyance. Everyone knew everything about you and I wanted to disappear into a city of people. Then there were the greatest "Goober Burgers" in the world at the Wheel In Drive In! Wow do I wish you could still sit a 50's style diner counter and eat a peanut butter burger with a chocolate shake.
There are about a million more things that once made me hate this place that I wish I could have again. It makes me reminisce of a wonderful time in my life where my dad coached my soccer team and everything was simple. I know now just why that is the place where I got to grow up and I could not be more proud to say where I come from. Maybe you just need to go away from it in order to appreciate it? I haven't been back in over 10 years.....The skating rink was demolished in a tornado this past year. The Wheel In Drive In is gone to make the road bigger I think (?). The roads that so many bonfires were lit are now paved and used. My High School is even no longer being used. It was like the oldest coolest old building around. I know that things change and time changes everything, but I am so thankful that I have the memories from my Small Town USA!!!!
The Diary of the Bald Woman
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
What is rock bottom?
Do you remember the movie "Pursuit of Happiness"? The moment of the movie when the dad is sitting in the bathroom floor crying with his son is one of the most memorable moments of the movie to me. I had that moment the other day. In the movie it his rock bottom. It is the moment when he felt lower than he ever had and the moment in which his life changed. What we know about rock bottom is after it happens.....it always heads back up! It doesn't happen overnight or even quickly but I am sure we can all look back on a time or two when we truly were at our rock bottom.
I am not going to bore you with the details of my rock bottom moment but tears were shed, hope was temporarily lost, and I felt like I had let everyone around me down. It felt as if that moment was frozen in time never to go away. It is still frozen in time but now as a moment in which my life changed yet again for the better. In the middle of my "moment" that I was having I realized that I had promised a friend I would help with a Make a Wish Foundation party. I had to dress as a princess and tell a little gal she was going to get her wish of going to Disney World. The timing could not have been worse....(or better)! I got ready and was determined to fake a smile for this girl even though I was miserable on the inside. When I arrived at the makeup, hair dos, and dress up were in full swing for the little gals. Their smiles were contagious. For the next hour and a half I was Snow White and I didn't have a care in the world. I feel that I was sent that opportunity at just the right time to remind me how simple life really is. It's not about the money (or lack there of). It is about making people smile and doing that really put me back in balance. That is why I am here. I am here to share stories of my crazy times raising children, humorous things that happen when battling a not so humorous disease, and telling a story. I am a storyteller. I always have been and sometimes it just takes a kick in the butt to realize what you knew all along.
I am moving past the set back that we experienced a few weeks ago. I was given a book the other day that again changed the course of my life. It is called "Heaven is for Real". For those who don't know the last time I read a book was 1999. I know, I know....don't laugh but kids and life have gotten in my way lately! :) Anyway, I read this book in 3 days. FYI it would have been 2 but I had work to do on day 2 so only got one chapter in. I am not saying this to boast about my speed reading but to speak to the book. It was so good that I could not put it down. What I took from this book was a great story of everyday people. I also took from it that we can choose what to believe but it strengthened for me what I do believe. After reading this book amazing things started to happen. I went out the door one morning to find a basket full of things that were for my family. There was no "from" name on it so no thanks could go out. I am certain that the sender is well aware of my thanks to them though!
Just as when you are climbing a mountain, you have set backs and difficult times, but it is not about the climbing of the mountain or where you are at on it. It is the journey getting there that is really what life is about. Rock bottom is really not as bad as you would think, it just means the only way to go now is UP!
I am not going to bore you with the details of my rock bottom moment but tears were shed, hope was temporarily lost, and I felt like I had let everyone around me down. It felt as if that moment was frozen in time never to go away. It is still frozen in time but now as a moment in which my life changed yet again for the better. In the middle of my "moment" that I was having I realized that I had promised a friend I would help with a Make a Wish Foundation party. I had to dress as a princess and tell a little gal she was going to get her wish of going to Disney World. The timing could not have been worse....(or better)! I got ready and was determined to fake a smile for this girl even though I was miserable on the inside. When I arrived at the makeup, hair dos, and dress up were in full swing for the little gals. Their smiles were contagious. For the next hour and a half I was Snow White and I didn't have a care in the world. I feel that I was sent that opportunity at just the right time to remind me how simple life really is. It's not about the money (or lack there of). It is about making people smile and doing that really put me back in balance. That is why I am here. I am here to share stories of my crazy times raising children, humorous things that happen when battling a not so humorous disease, and telling a story. I am a storyteller. I always have been and sometimes it just takes a kick in the butt to realize what you knew all along.
I am moving past the set back that we experienced a few weeks ago. I was given a book the other day that again changed the course of my life. It is called "Heaven is for Real". For those who don't know the last time I read a book was 1999. I know, I know....don't laugh but kids and life have gotten in my way lately! :) Anyway, I read this book in 3 days. FYI it would have been 2 but I had work to do on day 2 so only got one chapter in. I am not saying this to boast about my speed reading but to speak to the book. It was so good that I could not put it down. What I took from this book was a great story of everyday people. I also took from it that we can choose what to believe but it strengthened for me what I do believe. After reading this book amazing things started to happen. I went out the door one morning to find a basket full of things that were for my family. There was no "from" name on it so no thanks could go out. I am certain that the sender is well aware of my thanks to them though!
Just as when you are climbing a mountain, you have set backs and difficult times, but it is not about the climbing of the mountain or where you are at on it. It is the journey getting there that is really what life is about. Rock bottom is really not as bad as you would think, it just means the only way to go now is UP!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Try Again Tomorrow??
Lets just try again tomorrow.....
These words are coming out of my mouth a lot lately. Nobody said that raising children would be easy, but really do there have to be days like this??
It starts like they all do with tiny hands in my face or a finger in my eye. I head out at 5am to sneak in the only "me" time I will have ALL day. Off to the gym and home before almost everyone wakes up. My son is the early riser in our house so he usually greets me as I walk back in the door. One check off my 'million things to do today' list. Today is gonna be the day I get all the stuff done at home that I have been procrastinating. I will clean, catch up on quickbooks, and do some organizing. Sick child means productive day for mom.....Right???
My 4 year old little diva has been telling me since the day before that her throat is "burning" and rather than potentially infecting the whole preschool I decided a doctors visit is needed. Her cooperation in the morning is also needed but not given. After I finally get her dressed (I mean this literally because she was refusing to put her clothes on this morning) and my son ready for school we load up into the car and drop him off at school. On the way out the door we see the poor starving dogs need food so....a quick stop at the pet store and we will come home. Nope, they don't open for another 25 minutes and I do not feel like waiting in the parking lot with this lovely little lady with the "fabulous" attitude. Ok so home it is to call the doctor. Appointment scheduled so we will hit the pet store on the way home. Doctors appointment goes good, but no meds because it is a virus. I spend all the money and time to go see a doctor and it's nothing. Well not nothing, but nothing I feel like is "cured" with a single dose of pink stuff??? Ok great so rest is what he ordered and rest is what she'll get. yeah right, not if she has anything to do with it. Tears were the common factor of the entire day. Tears when we didn't get candy from the stupid pink pumpkin for breakfast. Tears when her mean mother made her put clothing on. Tears when the same movie that was just on didn't get repeated. Tears Tears and more tears.
Tears I can handle. I fix them all the time with hugs and love, but today I was literally unable to walk out of the room to use the restroom without them. Tears turned to full on screaming tantrum as we picked up my son from the bus. So here I am on my "day off work" actually hoping to return tomorrow. The neighbors got their ears full this afternoon. This tantrum began before we even walked out of the house when I so stupidly suggested tennis shoes instead of pink flip flops. Tired of the drama I gave in on this one and said "Fine but your feet will be really cold". Cold wasn't the issue today though. As we walked to the corner to get my son from the bus we had to take the princess scooter...."really the scooter, I thought you were sick" Ok Fine so we slowly, and I mean turtles moved faster, head down to the bus stop. Somewhere along that short walk the scooter became too difficult to handle and I was ordered by the tiny princess to carry it. We meet my son and head back to the house. While walking home, her great weather appropriate pink flip flops kept falling off her feet. Now let me explain something, she has worn these about 100,000 times and NEVER had an issue. Today, they were just jumping off of her feet though. My son and made the HUGE HUGE mistake of giggling about how dramatic she was attempting to be. I mean she could have received a Daytime Emmy for this performance she was putting on. Oh big mistake because the ENTIRE rest of the walk home was filled with screams at the top of her lungs for us to stop laughing, and of course this made it even harder to stop laughing....It was one of my definite TOP 5 Parenting Moments of the Year!! We walk home with smiles and the second we hit my front door my "I am a great parent face" quickly jumped to "oh little girl you are in trouble face". After a 15 minute screaming session in her room she decided to come out and join the world again. She comes out and looks at me and sobbingly says...."But I just love you mom!!"
The rest of the day was pretty much the same. At the end of the day we sat on the couch and snuggled. I asked her if she thought today was a good one. She said "no because I cried alot today." I hugged her and said tomorrow is a new day and the beauty of tomorrow is that we can always try again! And after a kiss, a smile, and a hug her eyes closed and she was out like a light.
The great day of productivity was over and I had done nothing on the list. I started think about what I had just told her a few moments before. I may not have done anyting on the list BUT....The beauty of tomorrow is though....we get to it all try again!
These words are coming out of my mouth a lot lately. Nobody said that raising children would be easy, but really do there have to be days like this??
It starts like they all do with tiny hands in my face or a finger in my eye. I head out at 5am to sneak in the only "me" time I will have ALL day. Off to the gym and home before almost everyone wakes up. My son is the early riser in our house so he usually greets me as I walk back in the door. One check off my 'million things to do today' list. Today is gonna be the day I get all the stuff done at home that I have been procrastinating. I will clean, catch up on quickbooks, and do some organizing. Sick child means productive day for mom.....Right???
My 4 year old little diva has been telling me since the day before that her throat is "burning" and rather than potentially infecting the whole preschool I decided a doctors visit is needed. Her cooperation in the morning is also needed but not given. After I finally get her dressed (I mean this literally because she was refusing to put her clothes on this morning) and my son ready for school we load up into the car and drop him off at school. On the way out the door we see the poor starving dogs need food so....a quick stop at the pet store and we will come home. Nope, they don't open for another 25 minutes and I do not feel like waiting in the parking lot with this lovely little lady with the "fabulous" attitude. Ok so home it is to call the doctor. Appointment scheduled so we will hit the pet store on the way home. Doctors appointment goes good, but no meds because it is a virus. I spend all the money and time to go see a doctor and it's nothing. Well not nothing, but nothing I feel like is "cured" with a single dose of pink stuff??? Ok great so rest is what he ordered and rest is what she'll get. yeah right, not if she has anything to do with it. Tears were the common factor of the entire day. Tears when we didn't get candy from the stupid pink pumpkin for breakfast. Tears when her mean mother made her put clothing on. Tears when the same movie that was just on didn't get repeated. Tears Tears and more tears.
Tears I can handle. I fix them all the time with hugs and love, but today I was literally unable to walk out of the room to use the restroom without them. Tears turned to full on screaming tantrum as we picked up my son from the bus. So here I am on my "day off work" actually hoping to return tomorrow. The neighbors got their ears full this afternoon. This tantrum began before we even walked out of the house when I so stupidly suggested tennis shoes instead of pink flip flops. Tired of the drama I gave in on this one and said "Fine but your feet will be really cold". Cold wasn't the issue today though. As we walked to the corner to get my son from the bus we had to take the princess scooter...."really the scooter, I thought you were sick" Ok Fine so we slowly, and I mean turtles moved faster, head down to the bus stop. Somewhere along that short walk the scooter became too difficult to handle and I was ordered by the tiny princess to carry it. We meet my son and head back to the house. While walking home, her great weather appropriate pink flip flops kept falling off her feet. Now let me explain something, she has worn these about 100,000 times and NEVER had an issue. Today, they were just jumping off of her feet though. My son and made the HUGE HUGE mistake of giggling about how dramatic she was attempting to be. I mean she could have received a Daytime Emmy for this performance she was putting on. Oh big mistake because the ENTIRE rest of the walk home was filled with screams at the top of her lungs for us to stop laughing, and of course this made it even harder to stop laughing....It was one of my definite TOP 5 Parenting Moments of the Year!! We walk home with smiles and the second we hit my front door my "I am a great parent face" quickly jumped to "oh little girl you are in trouble face". After a 15 minute screaming session in her room she decided to come out and join the world again. She comes out and looks at me and sobbingly says...."But I just love you mom!!"
The rest of the day was pretty much the same. At the end of the day we sat on the couch and snuggled. I asked her if she thought today was a good one. She said "no because I cried alot today." I hugged her and said tomorrow is a new day and the beauty of tomorrow is that we can always try again! And after a kiss, a smile, and a hug her eyes closed and she was out like a light.
The great day of productivity was over and I had done nothing on the list. I started think about what I had just told her a few moments before. I may not have done anyting on the list BUT....The beauty of tomorrow is though....we get to it all try again!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What you have left
"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts - it's what you do with what you have left." ~Hubert Humphrey
On paper I appear to have nothing. Our finances have been cut in half since the layoffs, every bill is late, and I actually had to hold off on important testing for my health because the copay is too high. I am like many others who have been hit by this economic crisis. I don't know and have no way of knowing how long we will have to "ride this out". Yes, on paper my life sucks. Our truck broke down, there are no interviews to the 500 applications that have been put in, and Christmas....well it will be one of those "this is what is really important holiday seasons for us". It will not have tvs and video games. It will not have a tree filled with countless toys to open. It will "that" year for us.
This is on paper. You would think I would be a depressed train wreck right??! I mean all this on the back of a year long cancer battle myself....
I think if it wasn't for the horrible ugly beast cancer coming into my life I wouldn't be able to tell you this.......
None of what I just told you matters! My husband used to go to work at 5am and we would not see him again until somewhere between 5pm and 1am (for ot). He now picks up kids from school, has had a few lunches with my son, and sits at every football practice! Yes every bill is late and I get calls daily for money but we have learned to live much simpler. Christmas will not be filled with tons of presents but we will make sure somehow our children will remember it forever. We are blessed to have this experience and when we come out on the other side the things we gained will make us stronger people. Life may go back to "normal" eventually, but we won't!
When people ask how I am I think they expect a big sad answer and I just don't have that. It is not comfortable by any means in my life right now but being uncomfortable for a while makes you grow right. Think about exercise....I am training for a triathlon right now and my life really is a lot like swimming. If you stop swimming you will drown. Keep moving and slow or fast you will get to the end! That is what we have to do right now too! Keep pushing and this too will pass!!! On my cancer journey I wrote my favorite quote..."keep moving forward" and the same is still true even now.
Today I just wanted to point out as we go through our hustle and bustle of life that life has its ups and downs and how we choose to deal with that makes us who we are! Don't dwell on what you have lost or you won't be able to see what great things you still have left!
On paper I appear to have nothing. Our finances have been cut in half since the layoffs, every bill is late, and I actually had to hold off on important testing for my health because the copay is too high. I am like many others who have been hit by this economic crisis. I don't know and have no way of knowing how long we will have to "ride this out". Yes, on paper my life sucks. Our truck broke down, there are no interviews to the 500 applications that have been put in, and Christmas....well it will be one of those "this is what is really important holiday seasons for us". It will not have tvs and video games. It will not have a tree filled with countless toys to open. It will "that" year for us.
This is on paper. You would think I would be a depressed train wreck right??! I mean all this on the back of a year long cancer battle myself....
I think if it wasn't for the horrible ugly beast cancer coming into my life I wouldn't be able to tell you this.......
None of what I just told you matters! My husband used to go to work at 5am and we would not see him again until somewhere between 5pm and 1am (for ot). He now picks up kids from school, has had a few lunches with my son, and sits at every football practice! Yes every bill is late and I get calls daily for money but we have learned to live much simpler. Christmas will not be filled with tons of presents but we will make sure somehow our children will remember it forever. We are blessed to have this experience and when we come out on the other side the things we gained will make us stronger people. Life may go back to "normal" eventually, but we won't!
When people ask how I am I think they expect a big sad answer and I just don't have that. It is not comfortable by any means in my life right now but being uncomfortable for a while makes you grow right. Think about exercise....I am training for a triathlon right now and my life really is a lot like swimming. If you stop swimming you will drown. Keep moving and slow or fast you will get to the end! That is what we have to do right now too! Keep pushing and this too will pass!!! On my cancer journey I wrote my favorite quote..."keep moving forward" and the same is still true even now.
Today I just wanted to point out as we go through our hustle and bustle of life that life has its ups and downs and how we choose to deal with that makes us who we are! Don't dwell on what you have lost or you won't be able to see what great things you still have left!
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