I have a dream

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
James Dean

This quote always reminds me yet again to live for today and to really follow where my dreams take me. What if you don't know what your dream is? What if you do but talk yourself out of it because of fear? It could be fear of failure or the unknown. We just too often let those dreams go to settle for something else that is ok.

This morning I am envisioning all the directions my life could take at this crossroad that I am on. I have made descions to follow my dream and now I am second guessing it as the time draws near to actually do it. Is this a normal reaction? Does every one's brain do this and run down all the possible things that could go wrong or the ways I could fail? Is what makes us successful in life pushing past those thoughts and fears and doing it anyway? Maybe....

For many years I have been the girl who can't say no. I will do anything to help someone, whether I know them or not. What I have learned in the last few days is this....If you want something, I mean really want it, it can be yours. You have to put in the work and not stop till you get it though. The work may be to focus on the dream and not stop till it is there. My problem has always been this, I over commit. I used to think that I over committed because I was this girl who couldn't say no. I have now learned that is not true. My over commitments are actually a lack of commitment on my part. It sounds strange I know but I will explain. If I load up my plate with an abnormal amount of activities and things to be responsible for then I will always have something to fall on if one fails. My whole life I thought it was because I liked living that busy life, but really was it just a lack of putting everything I had in to one thing?? I have been so afraid to fail at things in life that I loaded up with numerous things to do. This kept me from feeling the failure of one thing because I had so many others going on. Today I sit and wonder if I should change. If we don't change something then we will ALWAYS see the same results. If we can change ourselves, we will see different results. Today I will try (I said try) to make a change. For once I will commit to something with all I have not a portion. If I fail, which I may, then I can always go back to my ways. Today I have a dream and I am going to make it happen.......the rest is still as they say "unwritten"...........................

Whose day is this????

There is nothing in the world that I love more than being a mother. It is the most wonderful crazy ride that I have ever been on. I love that we have a day to stop and think about our mom's and all they do for us. If you are married it's a day where your husband will make you remember that he did things for you for the rest of the year.

My day.....I wake up at 7:30 which is the latest I have slept in for like a year. I woke to my husband outside finishing the garage clean out and my son wide awake excitedly awaiting me to open his present. I opened the wonderful story, poem, and clay project that he worked so hard on. He then says to me, "This is the greatest thing I have ever made.....Did you know that your mom kept ALL of your projects from when you were little??" After he showed and explained all of the uses it brought and places it could go he took me over to a sign that he had made above the fireplace. "notice anything different over here....(pointing to the sign)?" It read on several sheets of paper " H....A.....PPY.....Mothers......day.mom"

What a way to start the day right. I thought to myself at that moment, "this will be a great day"....ahh!

Then about 30 minutes later I hear the screams from my room....MMMMMOOOOOOOMMMMMM! My little diva is awake! I go in and she eagerly shouts..."happy mother's day" (This is the same thing she has said to me every day that she has woke up in the morning for a week. Each day I tell her...not today, a few more days)
Then she looks at me and says "It's mother's day. I am going on STAGE today!!!!!" "Uh no sorry dear that is Tuesday for the Mother's Day tea at school," I say.... Tears start to flow. "I wanna go on stage and sing today!"
"Oh I know honey a few more days"........Now I begin to wonder, "is this going to be a good day?"

The festivities included a great breakfast made by my husband, a nice 2.5 mile run on my treadmill, a clean garage, a HUGE temper tantrum (because she could not change clothes for the 3rd time into her Easter dress), and the dreaded trip to Wal-Mart for groceries!

Wal-mart was great. I listened to a mini fit about not being able to have popcorn chicken, new water shoes, and cheap check out isle crap. It was great. The best part of the trip was the in the makeup section. I was standing there waiting for my daughter to pick out a princess lip gloss and she laughed as I told her that I couldn't think of anything I would rather be doing than walking around W.M for mother's day. A woman was standing in the isles she just laughed as I said that to my daughter. She said the greatest thing to me though...."Your living it!" (Yes I am I thought and smiled)

After that comment, I felt great. I don't need the 'perfect' day. I had the perfect day!! I am living it each and every day that I am blessed to open my eyes! This is the greatest present that I will ever receive. I am allowed to be here to listen to all of these screams and the laughter.

The rest of the day was filled with them screaming at each other, tattling, hearing my husband tell the kids that it was MOM's day not theirs, and then finally sitting arms around each other with a movie. I even had a relaxing back massage from my 3 year old, but I had to keep carrying her around to get it! I took a deep breath and thought.....I AM LIVING IT!

The BW Ball

It's a great day to be alive! The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the stress is momentarily lifted. Yesterday, I went for my every 3 mo. check up. This is the day I get to go in give lots of blood and find out if I will have to climb that stupid cancer mountain again. Lucky for me, at this time, that will not be happening. I am still clear for 9 mo now! This is always an anxiety filled day or two. I really don't believe that I have cancer again, but until there is a doctor telling me that I tend to get nervous. It has not gotten any easier to do, but hey that is life. If it was easy, it wouldn't be a great story. Yesterday was filled with reflections of the journey that the last year has brought me. It was a long and unknown road but worth the ride for sure. I am much happier today than I ever anticipated being. I feel like I am finally headed on the right path.

Our first FBW event was a huge success in my book. The competitive natured person in me wanted more to have attended, but I am told for a first time under-publicized event.. it was awesome. I have some lessons learned for next year, but overall the event and fundraising exceeded my expectations! I have the most wonderful group of people behind this organization that don't always get the spotlight, but I am so thankful to have them and their support.

Now what....well don't worry I am not a sit down for long kind of gal. I have 3 projects waiting for me to begin tackling them. More info will come. We are still working on the calendar and that will be ready to go out by October. I am also in grant research mode for a very large scale idea. Then there is our next fundraiser...just wait till I announce this one. Gonna be different and lots of fun!!! Stay tuned.

Oh and don't worry all the fame from the TV and paper didn't go to my head. I am still the same person as I was before but now I can sign autographs :) Ha I love being semi-famous. Now, how to keep that going?????