Silence

Silence is something I struggle with. I don't like it. I fill my days as full as possible, can't ever sit still, and purposely put more than enough on my plate so I will never be empty.
I am sure many can relate to this busy moms problems. I never get breaks of silence, but when I do I fill them quickly with something else to avoid it and then become frustrated when I don't have any me time. Humorous isn't it! I am not sure why I do this. I have just been sitting here on a rare occasion with no kids or husband, my workout complete, and working later today. I don't even know what to do. When I sit in silence I think (well I think 24/7 but I think about me I mean). I now sit here in the silence analyzing every decision I have made, friendships gone astray, my struggles seeming to never be ending, my families health, and what have i done with my life. I have been given a gift to be here on this earth. I was given a chance to change things and there are days I feel I don't live up to that high expectation I have placed upon myself. If I am only here one time why don't I do more?? Why can't I just find what it is I am here for?? I often wonder if these are problems of everyone. Maybe?  This kind of silence is brutal and probably why I avoid it.
When I run alone out on a trail I am in silence. The same thoughts race through my mind but there is a release out there on that trail that doesn't happen when i sit here thinking. That must be why this blog is still so important to me. I don't even post all of the things I am thinking.  Can you imagine how long it would be!!? Since cutting way back on my training due to injury and trying not to re-injur myself those great moments have been taken from me.
Silence is hard for me but silence is good for me. It gives me a chance to think of all my inadequacies, my strengths, and my gifts I have been given. When I use the silence to focus on all my things I wish were different I have just wasted the welcomed break in the day. I often think my purpose is to do something huge and grand but maybe just maybe that is not it at all. Maybe I just need to sit in this silence and listen.

 

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I may be in, therin to be content.
-Helen Keller

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For Kellie

Thank you to Danni and Lizzy for writing this amazing song!


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=725482594135015&l=2510060511766981008


RIP tribute to my beautiful friend Kellie