Anger is all I feel at this moment. I feel as if I have just crossed the finish line of a marathon only to have them tell me...sorry the finish line is 3 miles that way! I was pretty much under the impression I would not need radiation. After today's consult with the rad oncologist that is not the case. Aparrently the studies show that having the radiation after the chemo reduces the risk of it coming back. Me not wanting to do this challenged her with a, "well how much could it really reduce". She informs me 3-4% a year. Being that I am so young (which seems to be the great factor that makes everything about this 10 times worse on me) I need 33 daily treatments of radiation. This will lower the chances of it coming back unless I want to get a masectomy. So now here I am sitting here wondering what the hell to think. Part of me says stay true to my original philosiphy of DO WHAT IT TAKES and do everything humanly possible to keep being here. At the end of the day I will know that I have done all I can to make sure I don't deal with this again. Now the other part says WTF....this is BS and I am done. I am not gaining that much so why spend 7 more weeks of my life on this sh**! The radiation is nothing compared to what I have done already, but I am so disappointed. I just really had the end in sight and now....whatever!! I am feeling defeated right now but I don't know why. I have no reason to. I have kicked this thing pretty hard. It just feels like a low blow in order to go a few more rounds you know! I know what I need to do I am just pissed off that I have to do it. I think I know how this stupid disease gets people.. it wears on you till your just done! I look at my family and I know there really isn't a choice and I WILL suck it up and just get it done. I never promised no complaining. I am praying that tomorrow will be a new day and I will have a better attitude to share. Too funny...song on the tv right now is "You've had a Bad Day"!!!! Makes me smile actually...go figure. I guess we all have them no matter where we are or what our health is. Can't win them all but you can sure try!
Bald Woman's words of wisdom today....Have a Good Day! That's it!
The Diary of the Bald Woman
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