I realize I have not been posting so much. I guess the therapy sessions with the whole world are winding down. Maybe I don't need therapy anymore??? I am so busy being a mom, holding a job, cleaning my house, and, oh yeah, running an up and coming non-profit organization. I think I ran myself in the ground doing too many things, and therefore was sick the entire week last week. I decided to allow myself some rest (still very hard for me) and I have to say, I do feel better. Physically anyway! :)
I am fighting a battle each and every day right now, with myself! I have beat cancer and come out of this thing changed. I mean, how could you not, right?! I want something so bad right now that it is the ONLY (no seriously) the ONLY thing I think about all day! You would think because I feel so strongly about this that all I would need to do is just do it right? Nope, I wish it were that simple. There are many other things involved that complicate this choice. Each and every decision we make in our lives leads us to where we are. I know in my heart it is the right thing to do, but...it is not that simple. This choice is in front of me every single day. It the first thing I think about, the last thing I think about, and the path I KNOW in my heart is right. Then why so hard? I wish I knew because then I could stop processing it here in "online therapy" and just be happy. One thing I did learn is that Life is WAY to short and I don't want to miss a second of it!
This weekend cancer took another person from this world. My heart breaks for the family and I think about how I was spared this fate. I know that I am here for a reason. I think I may even know what that reason is, but....how do you really know? How do you really know that you are meant to do something? Is it when that is all you can think about, talk about, and want to do? How can someone be so confident in their path, that they take risks just to get on it? Is that what faith really is? Jumping out towards that path, when you don't even know for sure it exists? Maybe? I wish I knew but I am just a person trying to process a difficult choice in front of the whole world! Maybe I need real therapy! :) At least I can laugh at this time of chaos. I will ALWAYS remember to laugh each day...it is the only way we stay sane!
The more I write the more I become convinced in my choice. Is this even a choice or is this just a lack of courage from me? In all my experiences so far when something just keeps falling in to place and working out for you....it's right! Guess I need to find that Tough Guy that I write about! Funny how you can write about things, tell others what they should do, but for some crazy reason you can't always take your own advice. I know what I would tell myself to do....do I have the guts????
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Holly I thought a lot about you today. Stubborn Faith was the topic. I was told by a wise gentleman that being stubborn means you are very smart. Stubborn Faith is Faith that will help you do the IMPOSSIBLE. So if we ponder Stubborn Faith we can come up with three things: Stubborn Faith overcomes storms; Stubborn Faith has no room for fear; & Stubborn Faith sees the end at the beginning.... You are an absolutely amazing woman and with your courage you have inspired many and have done the IMPOSSIBLE....
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