Roses

Well life is like a bunch of roses isn't it? It is beautiful if you care for them and nurture them. The sun does it's job, water does it's job, and even the insects do theirs. It is a perfect example of nature working in harmony to produce beauty. Why can't we be more like that and just trust the harmonious nature of life will help produce the beauty from within each of us. We always want to control or change or "improve" what is there. Why can't we be satisfyed with the beauty that is right there in front of us or within us. We have everything we need to do this but our minds tell us differently. What is beauty anyway?? Do any of us know or do we just do what we are programed to think is beautiful?

I have been thinking about this long and hard the last week. I clearly have lost all things that would consider me beautiful on the outside. Hair is gone, scars everywhere, that extra weight from my now 6 year old child (too many ice creams i think), lack of clothing without holes in it (would rather buy my kids clothes than try them on myself), and lack of knowledge on good makeup styles. It may be in or out of my control on any one of these but the fact is they are gone. I have to come to realize especially with the latest one, the hair loss, that these standards really are unattainable for any of us.
Here is why... I have no hair and could choose any style in which I think is good, right. There is no committments to a style, it never is cut incorrectly or grows out. I never have to fix it because it is always ready to go. It is perfect hair so to speak, or is it?? I have tried on tons of wigs and have two great ones, but the fact remains that I am still not satisfyed. I caught myself being annoyed with my hairstyle this weekend....MY HAIRstyle....What is this all about? I hand picked my hair, I can change it whenever I want, and it is never not "perfectly" fixed. This is what our surroundings have done to us. We have become so focused on the things we want that we don't have. Wether it is hair, bigger or smaller boobs, facial features we hate,or whatever it is this week. Why do we constantly try to change who we are on the outside? I can tell you 100% that at the end of the day the person looking in the mirror at the end of the day will still be there no matter what you have done to the outside. I know this because I look at the white bald head EVERY day and wish that it wasn't true but the bald head I stare at is me and the world can take it or leave it. As long as I can become ok with it so will the rest of you. If I wanted to walk bald it would be hard for me but maybe freeing too?? who knows, for now the bandana is enough (this causes enough stares that occoasionally make me very insecure)
It is like we are trying to turn the little yellow roses into big giant sized red ones. It will never happen....how do you make the women and men of the world realize this though? If we all quit pretending to be something we were not in the name of beauty maybe we would get along better...we would not be hiding from what we are all the time.
What is funny is that going out in the bandana is my obvious "I have cancer" statement. It always causes faces to look at me with pity. maybe it is for me or maybe they are just soooo gald it is not them. They don't do it to be offensive or mean. I think they are just happy it's not their problem. Really though their life would be easier if it was them. All of which used to be important really isn't and it makes it difficult to listen to people who say otherwise. I am what I am at the end of the day the good and the bad. Have you ever seen a rose that wasn't beautiful for what it was? I feel the same about each of you. Have a beautiful day! Stay true!