Post chemo thoughts

Well the last few days have been busy. Radiation appears to still be going well. It is really a strange thing though. Other than the noise the machine makes you would never know anything is happening. I hear 4 zapping sounds and then leave. It is quite the opposite of the chemo. I am 1/3 of the way done and am on #12 of 33 today.

Here are the major highlights of life currently.....

The Hair:
The hair is slowly, I mean slowly, coming back. I still currently look like a man with boobs, but all in good time right. I have stopped wearing the wigs for now (mostly because it is about 100 degrees outside). I do not like the way it looks right now at all but am happy that the hair is my own.

The Boobs:
Got to keep them.... Think I made the wrong choice! New and better boobs sounds much better right about now. One appears smaller than the other (probably 2 surgeries worth). One will be tan here shortly from the radiation and has began to slightly have some discomfort. They too however, are my own so that is OK I guess!

The Body:
It shockingly is keeping up with the trainer sessions and workouts. I am happy to say that with a small amount of training prior to, I ran a 10k. That is about 6.2 miles. I decided to get back out there and try. My time was slower than I had hoped (hour and 3 min), but I finished. The thing I was most pleased with is that 3 weeks ago I was sitting in a chemo chair and now 3 days ago I was running 6 miles. This race taught me alot about racing against myself. It was hard to have so many people passing me and not physically being able to keep up with everyone that I wanted to. I did finally somewhere around mile 3 accept that this was a race to see if I could complete it, and not compete in it! To my amazement I did it and I am so happy that I did. Half marathon in Sept. here I come!!!!

The Fam:
All are great. Same old battles with each other and I love and cherish every one of them!!!! Still write something to be thankful for each day in my journal. I have one thing everyday since may.

The Mind:
It is strange how when chemo is done you are just cut off. The docs that were a part of your life soooo much just pass you to the next one. Family too, sort of. Now the immediate threat of my death has passed all is good. I must be fine now, right? This is strange for the person with the cancer. Everyone was overly concerned for so long and then literally one day (last chemo treatment)....OK your on your own. I think that everyone thinks that when the last chemical is pumped you are fine and it is over. Mostly....I am and it is. I do still get really tired, moody, and still forgetful as ever. I am not saying this to get anything from anyone I promise, but more to capture a strange feeling you have when treatments are complete. This may be out of the thoughts of others, but to me I think this is my time to analyze what just happened. I think more now about how I could have died than I did while I was doing the treatment. (I am still in treatment too...I won't call myself a survivor till radiation is complete Aug 17) In treatment all you focus on is your end date...that gets you through (along with the huge support from family and friends). When that is over and the date has come and gone and the help has come and gone....you are returned to your "normal life" but with a different person. You have to now make a new "normal" with who you are now. It is really difficult sometimes to recreate this with your new mind. I am eternally grateful to each and every single person who helped me to get through this experience. It really is the reason I kept up a pretty good attitude.

I will continue to do crazy things, have a crazy life, and LOVE every second of it. Maybe more now than before. My goal in life is to help, inspire, and reach as many people as God will allow. For now it is daily trips to overpriced "tanning" and then daily pills to make this not be a reality ever again......the reality is though.....
It doesn't matter. Cancer or no cancer I will live this way regardless. I could fight this a million times and each time I will give it all I have and live the exact same way! That to me is finally feeling at peace, and who could ask for anything more!