"Keep Moving Forward!" -Walt Disney
I realize I have been a bit MIA lately. I have just been feeling a bit like a cheerleader for a losing team. You can go along great for a while (in my case a LONG while) but at some point you need a cheerleader yourself. I guess I have just finally made it to that point. I don't want to feel this way and believe me I am FULLY aware that my negativity is effecting my life right now. I am trying....and that is all I can say.
Just as I did a few years ago, everyday I put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. My head tells me to give up but I just keep going. We don't always have to like what is happening to us but we do have the choice in how we deal. today....I am not doing that great. I know that, but the beauty of this roller coaster of life is that I get to make another choice tomorrow!
I am training for a Triathlon this summer and train 6 days a week. I have lost weight, inches, and gained a new found confidence. I feel great physically. Mentally, that may be a different story. this whole cancer thing has screwed up my head. I try to turn off these horrible thoughts but sometimes I just can't. I don't want to die but sometimes I convince myself that I am going to. I feel crazy. I don't even have cancer anymore (according to the doctors). Cancer may leave your body, but it lies in your mind forever...just trying to use the best coping strategies I have to deal each day. Here is the thing though when you get cancer, especially at a young age, you have a lot of time on your hands to contemplate your mortality. Truth is if today was my last day I feel 100% at peace with what I have done with the life I have had. The problem is though there is soooo much I want to DO before I go. There is so much beauty in this world that I want to see! When cancer hits many want to go out and live this great bucket list, but at 32 with 2 kids, a husband, and 2 dogs.....not gonna happen. It makes life a bit difficult to travel the world when you have a young family ( and NO MONEY). Guess for now will have to hope that I get to live long enough to make that stuff happen later.
Well now that all that negativity crap is out of my brain I have to admit I do feel a bit better. Maybe writing, my new love, is the thing keeping me from living happy again. I should make more of an effort to keep with it. It really is cheap therapy and for know it is the only therapy I can afford LOL!
Today on FBW I asked "What songs to pull you out of a funk?" Yes, I realize it was a bit selfish to ask for total strangers to post uplifting music to inspire me, but I gotta say it kinda worked! Maybe just maybe someone else is having a bad day and will too be inspired by these wonderful lyrics! Thank you to all the facebook fans for being wonderful. I will leave with one positive note since the majority of this post is a bit whiny.... Bob Marley says, "Don't worry....about a thing....because every little thing is gonna be alright!"
I too know that everything will be alright...maybe not today....but it WILL SOON!!!
Have a great day and enjoy the little things that make life so wonderful! That is what I will be doing today! :)
The Diary of the Bald Woman
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
KEEP MOVING.....
We are exactly where we have chosen to be.---Vernon Howard
During my cancer journey, and now even after, exercise has always played a role in my day to day life. When I had cancer, people would think I was crazy to get on a treadmill and run. I think they expected me to sit on the couch, cry, and throw up. I told everyone from day one that I would not be that gal....I consulted with my doctor and when I was well enough to run, I ran. When I was sick or tired I let myself rest. It was the first time I listened to myself. I wasn't running for fitness or training for one of my many races, but this was running to keep sane. I felt "normal" when I was running. My doctor told me a story of a patient that completed a triathlon while under going and finishing chemo treatments! Wow, I thought, if he can do that...I can work out lightly here and there. My wonderful local cancer center also offered a WELL FIT program that I attended. This was personal training and gym memberships (FREE to us after completion of treatment). I had my doc sign off on the waiver and entered while still actually in chemo treatments. I remember one day in particular going from the chemo chair straight to the gym, running a mile on the treadmill and then doing 2 circuits of training that day....I even impressed my self that day. All this being said I have come across a great article relating to the benefits of physical activity during and after treatment. Wanted to share this with anyone out there that is diagnosed, in treatment, or finishing treatment.
The article is by David Hass.....Check out more of his work on http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog
Exercise Speeds Recovery and Increases Survival for Cancer Survivors
Oncologists have long urged their patients to take it easy and avoid physical exertion during cancer treatment and recovery, especially following surgeries and complex procedures. This medical advice has been reversed, due to clinical findings of the past decade, that physical fitness plays a strong role in relieving the symptoms of cancer and treatment and improving health outcomes for patients.
The new guidelines, issued at an expert panel meeting with the American Society of Clinical Oncology, recommend 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise each week, the same as is recommended to the general public. Though clear on the amount of exercise recommended, these guidelines are purposefully vague as to the type. The panel also urged oncologists to integrate professionally trained fitness professionals into their treatment teams, for the safety of patients.
Including Physical Fitness in Your Treatment and Follow-up Plan
The evidence is clear for people battling breast cancer, exercise helps speed recovery times after operations, helps restore body-image, and aids in preventing the weight gain associated with hormone-based cancers. On the other side of the spectrum, sufficient evidence shows that exercise counters weight loss by maintaining and increasing lean muscle. Managing body mass and composition through exercise is a powerful tool for preventing many other symptoms, including recurrence of breast cancer.
What Types of Exercise Are Most Beneficial?
Ideally, the exercise regimen should depend on the coordinated expertise of the oncologist and fitness expert. It should be monitored and adapted to the increasing or declining physical health of the patient. All aerobic exercise is considered to offer benefits, including yoga, resistance training, and cardiovascular workouts. Specifically, there are a few suggestions for specific situations.
Post-surgery patients need exercise to complete recovery. Restoring adequate blood flow, prompting the body to repair tissue, and overcoming fatigue all rely upon exercise. More is better, so long as it takes place under the guidance of a fitness expert. The American Cancer Society has put together a list of simple exercises to do after breast surgery. Some patients, such as those with advanced mesothelioma or brain cancer, may be limited to range of motion exercises and brief walks.
Some patients are out of shape to begin with. A sedentary lifestyle is a leading risk factor for cancer, after all. The help of an expert on exercise for cancer patients will be invaluable. Talk to your doctor about making exercise a part of your treatment plan.
by David Hass
I am currently training for an Olympic Triathlon (1mi swim, 25 mi bike (i think), and 6 mi run. This, just like cancer, is going to be hard! I know now because of cancer however, that I am capable of things I never thought were possible and ALL of you out there are too! Today's challenge, especially now that New Year's is around the corner is to get out and get active. It doesn't have to be a triathlon but don't let your body control you...YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE TILL STRONG IS YOUR ONLY OPTION....my motto from day 1 still rings true!! Have a fabulous day!!! :)
During my cancer journey, and now even after, exercise has always played a role in my day to day life. When I had cancer, people would think I was crazy to get on a treadmill and run. I think they expected me to sit on the couch, cry, and throw up. I told everyone from day one that I would not be that gal....I consulted with my doctor and when I was well enough to run, I ran. When I was sick or tired I let myself rest. It was the first time I listened to myself. I wasn't running for fitness or training for one of my many races, but this was running to keep sane. I felt "normal" when I was running. My doctor told me a story of a patient that completed a triathlon while under going and finishing chemo treatments! Wow, I thought, if he can do that...I can work out lightly here and there. My wonderful local cancer center also offered a WELL FIT program that I attended. This was personal training and gym memberships (FREE to us after completion of treatment). I had my doc sign off on the waiver and entered while still actually in chemo treatments. I remember one day in particular going from the chemo chair straight to the gym, running a mile on the treadmill and then doing 2 circuits of training that day....I even impressed my self that day. All this being said I have come across a great article relating to the benefits of physical activity during and after treatment. Wanted to share this with anyone out there that is diagnosed, in treatment, or finishing treatment.
The article is by David Hass.....Check out more of his work on http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog
Exercise Speeds Recovery and Increases Survival for Cancer Survivors
Oncologists have long urged their patients to take it easy and avoid physical exertion during cancer treatment and recovery, especially following surgeries and complex procedures. This medical advice has been reversed, due to clinical findings of the past decade, that physical fitness plays a strong role in relieving the symptoms of cancer and treatment and improving health outcomes for patients.
The new guidelines, issued at an expert panel meeting with the American Society of Clinical Oncology, recommend 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise each week, the same as is recommended to the general public. Though clear on the amount of exercise recommended, these guidelines are purposefully vague as to the type. The panel also urged oncologists to integrate professionally trained fitness professionals into their treatment teams, for the safety of patients.
Including Physical Fitness in Your Treatment and Follow-up Plan
The evidence is clear for people battling breast cancer, exercise helps speed recovery times after operations, helps restore body-image, and aids in preventing the weight gain associated with hormone-based cancers. On the other side of the spectrum, sufficient evidence shows that exercise counters weight loss by maintaining and increasing lean muscle. Managing body mass and composition through exercise is a powerful tool for preventing many other symptoms, including recurrence of breast cancer.
What Types of Exercise Are Most Beneficial?
Ideally, the exercise regimen should depend on the coordinated expertise of the oncologist and fitness expert. It should be monitored and adapted to the increasing or declining physical health of the patient. All aerobic exercise is considered to offer benefits, including yoga, resistance training, and cardiovascular workouts. Specifically, there are a few suggestions for specific situations.
Post-surgery patients need exercise to complete recovery. Restoring adequate blood flow, prompting the body to repair tissue, and overcoming fatigue all rely upon exercise. More is better, so long as it takes place under the guidance of a fitness expert. The American Cancer Society has put together a list of simple exercises to do after breast surgery. Some patients, such as those with advanced mesothelioma or brain cancer, may be limited to range of motion exercises and brief walks.
Some patients are out of shape to begin with. A sedentary lifestyle is a leading risk factor for cancer, after all. The help of an expert on exercise for cancer patients will be invaluable. Talk to your doctor about making exercise a part of your treatment plan.
by David Hass
I am currently training for an Olympic Triathlon (1mi swim, 25 mi bike (i think), and 6 mi run. This, just like cancer, is going to be hard! I know now because of cancer however, that I am capable of things I never thought were possible and ALL of you out there are too! Today's challenge, especially now that New Year's is around the corner is to get out and get active. It doesn't have to be a triathlon but don't let your body control you...YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE TILL STRONG IS YOUR ONLY OPTION....my motto from day 1 still rings true!! Have a fabulous day!!! :)
Friday, December 23, 2011
REMEMBERING THE BIG C DAY...
http://thinkpink-holly.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-time-stood-still.html
This link will take you to my very first post. What a trip down memory lane...I am just reading some of the posts from the beginning again and it is really surreal to read. It feels as if I am reading a book on someone else. I remember all of it but many things I forgot already.
Yesterday (sorry a day late) marks the day in which will forever stand out in my mind. There are only a few moments in my life thus far that I can actually say the ENTIRE course of my life was changed in that moment. This is certainly one of them!
I found out on Dec 22, 2009 that I was welcomed into the club of people that nobody wants to be a part of. What a winding up and down roller coaster of a marathon this last 2 years has been for me and my family. You can't help but be changed. I have significantly changed my "I am untouchable" attitude pre-cancer . My family is different too. Here is the thing though, when you change you can embrace it or fight it! Having gone through many changes in my life so far, let me tell you fighting it is not worth the energy. I don't mean not to fight the stupid disease. I mean to take each thing coming at you and do your best to find something good out of it. ( Cancer sucks but there are good things about it too....don't believe me, Read the blog posts I made while IN treatment in 2010) They say that the only constant... is change!!!
Today I am sitting here with my hair back and my numerous scars healed and I can only think of one thing.....I AM STILL HERE! That to me is the greatest gift that I can be given. I work everyday to make sure I am thankful for this gift and that each person around me knows how much they have made a difference in my life.In this holiday season I hope you all remember that life is a gift and you may not have it tomorrow. Would you act differently if you knew it was YOUR last day...what if you knew it was THEIR last day???? Have a wonderful holiday season because you are HERE to enjoy it!!
Just wanted to close up the post with another letter to cancer......
Dear Cancer,
It has been 2 years since you barged into my life. Happy Anniversary.....You were a very unwelcome guest and still are in my life. You have taken things from me that I cannot get back. I HATE you for what you have done to my family, to me, and to everyone else whose life you have taken from them way too early. I will not live in fear this year though. The last two years I have lived in the fears that you gave me when you came into my life. Today marks a change. Today is the first day of the new me that YOU created. Today marks the day in which you will no longer receive my fears or my worries.Today is the day YOU should begin to be afraid. I am stronger now than before you entered my life. I was always this strong though but having you come in my life showed me first hand just what I am capable of doing. I should thank you for that because now I know that I can do ANYTHING. I can battle any beast, I can deal with any situation, and I can overcome ANY fear life throws at me. That makes me more dangerous than you! I know you will continue to try and prey on the fears of everyone else but even though our fight may be over you should know that I am not going to let that happen. My mission for the next year is that I show all of those that you have pushed around that they are just like me. They have more strength than they realize and together....well lets just say you should run now!!! I know that courage is not the absence of fear but just the ability to overcome it!!! Thank you for making me a courageous leader of this battle against you and know that without my fear you have nothing and I have everything. The fight I fight now is for ALL those lives cut short, all the families you have devastated, and those worlds turned upside down with fear. WE WILL FEAR NO MORE!! Happy 2 year anniversary!!!
Holly
This link will take you to my very first post. What a trip down memory lane...I am just reading some of the posts from the beginning again and it is really surreal to read. It feels as if I am reading a book on someone else. I remember all of it but many things I forgot already.
Yesterday (sorry a day late) marks the day in which will forever stand out in my mind. There are only a few moments in my life thus far that I can actually say the ENTIRE course of my life was changed in that moment. This is certainly one of them!
I found out on Dec 22, 2009 that I was welcomed into the club of people that nobody wants to be a part of. What a winding up and down roller coaster of a marathon this last 2 years has been for me and my family. You can't help but be changed. I have significantly changed my "I am untouchable" attitude pre-cancer . My family is different too. Here is the thing though, when you change you can embrace it or fight it! Having gone through many changes in my life so far, let me tell you fighting it is not worth the energy. I don't mean not to fight the stupid disease. I mean to take each thing coming at you and do your best to find something good out of it. ( Cancer sucks but there are good things about it too....don't believe me, Read the blog posts I made while IN treatment in 2010) They say that the only constant... is change!!!
Today I am sitting here with my hair back and my numerous scars healed and I can only think of one thing.....I AM STILL HERE! That to me is the greatest gift that I can be given. I work everyday to make sure I am thankful for this gift and that each person around me knows how much they have made a difference in my life.In this holiday season I hope you all remember that life is a gift and you may not have it tomorrow. Would you act differently if you knew it was YOUR last day...what if you knew it was THEIR last day???? Have a wonderful holiday season because you are HERE to enjoy it!!
Just wanted to close up the post with another letter to cancer......
Dear Cancer,
It has been 2 years since you barged into my life. Happy Anniversary.....You were a very unwelcome guest and still are in my life. You have taken things from me that I cannot get back. I HATE you for what you have done to my family, to me, and to everyone else whose life you have taken from them way too early. I will not live in fear this year though. The last two years I have lived in the fears that you gave me when you came into my life. Today marks a change. Today is the first day of the new me that YOU created. Today marks the day in which you will no longer receive my fears or my worries.Today is the day YOU should begin to be afraid. I am stronger now than before you entered my life. I was always this strong though but having you come in my life showed me first hand just what I am capable of doing. I should thank you for that because now I know that I can do ANYTHING. I can battle any beast, I can deal with any situation, and I can overcome ANY fear life throws at me. That makes me more dangerous than you! I know you will continue to try and prey on the fears of everyone else but even though our fight may be over you should know that I am not going to let that happen. My mission for the next year is that I show all of those that you have pushed around that they are just like me. They have more strength than they realize and together....well lets just say you should run now!!! I know that courage is not the absence of fear but just the ability to overcome it!!! Thank you for making me a courageous leader of this battle against you and know that without my fear you have nothing and I have everything. The fight I fight now is for ALL those lives cut short, all the families you have devastated, and those worlds turned upside down with fear. WE WILL FEAR NO MORE!! Happy 2 year anniversary!!!
Holly
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Small Town USA
I grew up in a small town. We had 1 High School, 1or2 good clothing store choices, and a Wal-Mart. Being "from" a small town is great. Growing up there...well I can't really say I appreciated its simple beauty. I wanted BIGGER and BETTER and that place just wasn't cutting it. As soon I hit 18, I was gone. I left what I felt was a "prison" in the dust behind my little Toyota Trecel.
When I was 4 years old we had lived all over the world. In other countries, states, and great places. My dad was from a small town and decided to head back there and visit my grandma who was still there. On this particular visit he decided it would be his last "visit" and we moved to Missouri. I used to ask often why I could not have grown up in California (where we were at right before this move) or England (where we had lived and where my mom grew up) or....well ANYWHERE but here!! It wasn't till I moved away and had a family of my own that I understood just why my family picked that town.
They picked this place because of the simple charm. There were wonderful old homes on Broadway. There were the tornado's. I know that doesn't seem like a reason to pick a town and I am sure it wasn't, but it is something I miss. The way everything outside turns an Eire shade of green and it is more still and quiet than anything I have ever seen, really is amazing. I miss porch swings and people in their front yards talking to each other. The skating rink where I grew up and spent countless hours playing the limbo and dice game. I miss the State Fair and how the town got 20 degrees hotter each year on that week. I miss going out to old dirt roads and blasting music and having weekend bonfires. I miss how the town seemed to revolve around Friday night football games at JJ stadium. I miss the cold evenings in a cheer uniform drinking hot chocolate and cheering on the team. Everyone looked out for each other. At the time I felt it was an annoyance. Everyone knew everything about you and I wanted to disappear into a city of people. Then there were the greatest "Goober Burgers" in the world at the Wheel In Drive In! Wow do I wish you could still sit a 50's style diner counter and eat a peanut butter burger with a chocolate shake.
There are about a million more things that once made me hate this place that I wish I could have again. It makes me reminisce of a wonderful time in my life where my dad coached my soccer team and everything was simple. I know now just why that is the place where I got to grow up and I could not be more proud to say where I come from. Maybe you just need to go away from it in order to appreciate it? I haven't been back in over 10 years.....The skating rink was demolished in a tornado this past year. The Wheel In Drive In is gone to make the road bigger I think (?). The roads that so many bonfires were lit are now paved and used. My High School is even no longer being used. It was like the oldest coolest old building around. I know that things change and time changes everything, but I am so thankful that I have the memories from my Small Town USA!!!!
When I was 4 years old we had lived all over the world. In other countries, states, and great places. My dad was from a small town and decided to head back there and visit my grandma who was still there. On this particular visit he decided it would be his last "visit" and we moved to Missouri. I used to ask often why I could not have grown up in California (where we were at right before this move) or England (where we had lived and where my mom grew up) or....well ANYWHERE but here!! It wasn't till I moved away and had a family of my own that I understood just why my family picked that town.
They picked this place because of the simple charm. There were wonderful old homes on Broadway. There were the tornado's. I know that doesn't seem like a reason to pick a town and I am sure it wasn't, but it is something I miss. The way everything outside turns an Eire shade of green and it is more still and quiet than anything I have ever seen, really is amazing. I miss porch swings and people in their front yards talking to each other. The skating rink where I grew up and spent countless hours playing the limbo and dice game. I miss the State Fair and how the town got 20 degrees hotter each year on that week. I miss going out to old dirt roads and blasting music and having weekend bonfires. I miss how the town seemed to revolve around Friday night football games at JJ stadium. I miss the cold evenings in a cheer uniform drinking hot chocolate and cheering on the team. Everyone looked out for each other. At the time I felt it was an annoyance. Everyone knew everything about you and I wanted to disappear into a city of people. Then there were the greatest "Goober Burgers" in the world at the Wheel In Drive In! Wow do I wish you could still sit a 50's style diner counter and eat a peanut butter burger with a chocolate shake.
There are about a million more things that once made me hate this place that I wish I could have again. It makes me reminisce of a wonderful time in my life where my dad coached my soccer team and everything was simple. I know now just why that is the place where I got to grow up and I could not be more proud to say where I come from. Maybe you just need to go away from it in order to appreciate it? I haven't been back in over 10 years.....The skating rink was demolished in a tornado this past year. The Wheel In Drive In is gone to make the road bigger I think (?). The roads that so many bonfires were lit are now paved and used. My High School is even no longer being used. It was like the oldest coolest old building around. I know that things change and time changes everything, but I am so thankful that I have the memories from my Small Town USA!!!!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
What is rock bottom?
Do you remember the movie "Pursuit of Happiness"? The moment of the movie when the dad is sitting in the bathroom floor crying with his son is one of the most memorable moments of the movie to me. I had that moment the other day. In the movie it his rock bottom. It is the moment when he felt lower than he ever had and the moment in which his life changed. What we know about rock bottom is after it happens.....it always heads back up! It doesn't happen overnight or even quickly but I am sure we can all look back on a time or two when we truly were at our rock bottom.
I am not going to bore you with the details of my rock bottom moment but tears were shed, hope was temporarily lost, and I felt like I had let everyone around me down. It felt as if that moment was frozen in time never to go away. It is still frozen in time but now as a moment in which my life changed yet again for the better. In the middle of my "moment" that I was having I realized that I had promised a friend I would help with a Make a Wish Foundation party. I had to dress as a princess and tell a little gal she was going to get her wish of going to Disney World. The timing could not have been worse....(or better)! I got ready and was determined to fake a smile for this girl even though I was miserable on the inside. When I arrived at the makeup, hair dos, and dress up were in full swing for the little gals. Their smiles were contagious. For the next hour and a half I was Snow White and I didn't have a care in the world. I feel that I was sent that opportunity at just the right time to remind me how simple life really is. It's not about the money (or lack there of). It is about making people smile and doing that really put me back in balance. That is why I am here. I am here to share stories of my crazy times raising children, humorous things that happen when battling a not so humorous disease, and telling a story. I am a storyteller. I always have been and sometimes it just takes a kick in the butt to realize what you knew all along.
I am moving past the set back that we experienced a few weeks ago. I was given a book the other day that again changed the course of my life. It is called "Heaven is for Real". For those who don't know the last time I read a book was 1999. I know, I know....don't laugh but kids and life have gotten in my way lately! :) Anyway, I read this book in 3 days. FYI it would have been 2 but I had work to do on day 2 so only got one chapter in. I am not saying this to boast about my speed reading but to speak to the book. It was so good that I could not put it down. What I took from this book was a great story of everyday people. I also took from it that we can choose what to believe but it strengthened for me what I do believe. After reading this book amazing things started to happen. I went out the door one morning to find a basket full of things that were for my family. There was no "from" name on it so no thanks could go out. I am certain that the sender is well aware of my thanks to them though!
Just as when you are climbing a mountain, you have set backs and difficult times, but it is not about the climbing of the mountain or where you are at on it. It is the journey getting there that is really what life is about. Rock bottom is really not as bad as you would think, it just means the only way to go now is UP!
I am not going to bore you with the details of my rock bottom moment but tears were shed, hope was temporarily lost, and I felt like I had let everyone around me down. It felt as if that moment was frozen in time never to go away. It is still frozen in time but now as a moment in which my life changed yet again for the better. In the middle of my "moment" that I was having I realized that I had promised a friend I would help with a Make a Wish Foundation party. I had to dress as a princess and tell a little gal she was going to get her wish of going to Disney World. The timing could not have been worse....(or better)! I got ready and was determined to fake a smile for this girl even though I was miserable on the inside. When I arrived at the makeup, hair dos, and dress up were in full swing for the little gals. Their smiles were contagious. For the next hour and a half I was Snow White and I didn't have a care in the world. I feel that I was sent that opportunity at just the right time to remind me how simple life really is. It's not about the money (or lack there of). It is about making people smile and doing that really put me back in balance. That is why I am here. I am here to share stories of my crazy times raising children, humorous things that happen when battling a not so humorous disease, and telling a story. I am a storyteller. I always have been and sometimes it just takes a kick in the butt to realize what you knew all along.
I am moving past the set back that we experienced a few weeks ago. I was given a book the other day that again changed the course of my life. It is called "Heaven is for Real". For those who don't know the last time I read a book was 1999. I know, I know....don't laugh but kids and life have gotten in my way lately! :) Anyway, I read this book in 3 days. FYI it would have been 2 but I had work to do on day 2 so only got one chapter in. I am not saying this to boast about my speed reading but to speak to the book. It was so good that I could not put it down. What I took from this book was a great story of everyday people. I also took from it that we can choose what to believe but it strengthened for me what I do believe. After reading this book amazing things started to happen. I went out the door one morning to find a basket full of things that were for my family. There was no "from" name on it so no thanks could go out. I am certain that the sender is well aware of my thanks to them though!
Just as when you are climbing a mountain, you have set backs and difficult times, but it is not about the climbing of the mountain or where you are at on it. It is the journey getting there that is really what life is about. Rock bottom is really not as bad as you would think, it just means the only way to go now is UP!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Try Again Tomorrow??
Lets just try again tomorrow.....
These words are coming out of my mouth a lot lately. Nobody said that raising children would be easy, but really do there have to be days like this??
It starts like they all do with tiny hands in my face or a finger in my eye. I head out at 5am to sneak in the only "me" time I will have ALL day. Off to the gym and home before almost everyone wakes up. My son is the early riser in our house so he usually greets me as I walk back in the door. One check off my 'million things to do today' list. Today is gonna be the day I get all the stuff done at home that I have been procrastinating. I will clean, catch up on quickbooks, and do some organizing. Sick child means productive day for mom.....Right???
My 4 year old little diva has been telling me since the day before that her throat is "burning" and rather than potentially infecting the whole preschool I decided a doctors visit is needed. Her cooperation in the morning is also needed but not given. After I finally get her dressed (I mean this literally because she was refusing to put her clothes on this morning) and my son ready for school we load up into the car and drop him off at school. On the way out the door we see the poor starving dogs need food so....a quick stop at the pet store and we will come home. Nope, they don't open for another 25 minutes and I do not feel like waiting in the parking lot with this lovely little lady with the "fabulous" attitude. Ok so home it is to call the doctor. Appointment scheduled so we will hit the pet store on the way home. Doctors appointment goes good, but no meds because it is a virus. I spend all the money and time to go see a doctor and it's nothing. Well not nothing, but nothing I feel like is "cured" with a single dose of pink stuff??? Ok great so rest is what he ordered and rest is what she'll get. yeah right, not if she has anything to do with it. Tears were the common factor of the entire day. Tears when we didn't get candy from the stupid pink pumpkin for breakfast. Tears when her mean mother made her put clothing on. Tears when the same movie that was just on didn't get repeated. Tears Tears and more tears.
Tears I can handle. I fix them all the time with hugs and love, but today I was literally unable to walk out of the room to use the restroom without them. Tears turned to full on screaming tantrum as we picked up my son from the bus. So here I am on my "day off work" actually hoping to return tomorrow. The neighbors got their ears full this afternoon. This tantrum began before we even walked out of the house when I so stupidly suggested tennis shoes instead of pink flip flops. Tired of the drama I gave in on this one and said "Fine but your feet will be really cold". Cold wasn't the issue today though. As we walked to the corner to get my son from the bus we had to take the princess scooter...."really the scooter, I thought you were sick" Ok Fine so we slowly, and I mean turtles moved faster, head down to the bus stop. Somewhere along that short walk the scooter became too difficult to handle and I was ordered by the tiny princess to carry it. We meet my son and head back to the house. While walking home, her great weather appropriate pink flip flops kept falling off her feet. Now let me explain something, she has worn these about 100,000 times and NEVER had an issue. Today, they were just jumping off of her feet though. My son and made the HUGE HUGE mistake of giggling about how dramatic she was attempting to be. I mean she could have received a Daytime Emmy for this performance she was putting on. Oh big mistake because the ENTIRE rest of the walk home was filled with screams at the top of her lungs for us to stop laughing, and of course this made it even harder to stop laughing....It was one of my definite TOP 5 Parenting Moments of the Year!! We walk home with smiles and the second we hit my front door my "I am a great parent face" quickly jumped to "oh little girl you are in trouble face". After a 15 minute screaming session in her room she decided to come out and join the world again. She comes out and looks at me and sobbingly says...."But I just love you mom!!"
The rest of the day was pretty much the same. At the end of the day we sat on the couch and snuggled. I asked her if she thought today was a good one. She said "no because I cried alot today." I hugged her and said tomorrow is a new day and the beauty of tomorrow is that we can always try again! And after a kiss, a smile, and a hug her eyes closed and she was out like a light.
The great day of productivity was over and I had done nothing on the list. I started think about what I had just told her a few moments before. I may not have done anyting on the list BUT....The beauty of tomorrow is though....we get to it all try again!
These words are coming out of my mouth a lot lately. Nobody said that raising children would be easy, but really do there have to be days like this??
It starts like they all do with tiny hands in my face or a finger in my eye. I head out at 5am to sneak in the only "me" time I will have ALL day. Off to the gym and home before almost everyone wakes up. My son is the early riser in our house so he usually greets me as I walk back in the door. One check off my 'million things to do today' list. Today is gonna be the day I get all the stuff done at home that I have been procrastinating. I will clean, catch up on quickbooks, and do some organizing. Sick child means productive day for mom.....Right???
My 4 year old little diva has been telling me since the day before that her throat is "burning" and rather than potentially infecting the whole preschool I decided a doctors visit is needed. Her cooperation in the morning is also needed but not given. After I finally get her dressed (I mean this literally because she was refusing to put her clothes on this morning) and my son ready for school we load up into the car and drop him off at school. On the way out the door we see the poor starving dogs need food so....a quick stop at the pet store and we will come home. Nope, they don't open for another 25 minutes and I do not feel like waiting in the parking lot with this lovely little lady with the "fabulous" attitude. Ok so home it is to call the doctor. Appointment scheduled so we will hit the pet store on the way home. Doctors appointment goes good, but no meds because it is a virus. I spend all the money and time to go see a doctor and it's nothing. Well not nothing, but nothing I feel like is "cured" with a single dose of pink stuff??? Ok great so rest is what he ordered and rest is what she'll get. yeah right, not if she has anything to do with it. Tears were the common factor of the entire day. Tears when we didn't get candy from the stupid pink pumpkin for breakfast. Tears when her mean mother made her put clothing on. Tears when the same movie that was just on didn't get repeated. Tears Tears and more tears.
Tears I can handle. I fix them all the time with hugs and love, but today I was literally unable to walk out of the room to use the restroom without them. Tears turned to full on screaming tantrum as we picked up my son from the bus. So here I am on my "day off work" actually hoping to return tomorrow. The neighbors got their ears full this afternoon. This tantrum began before we even walked out of the house when I so stupidly suggested tennis shoes instead of pink flip flops. Tired of the drama I gave in on this one and said "Fine but your feet will be really cold". Cold wasn't the issue today though. As we walked to the corner to get my son from the bus we had to take the princess scooter...."really the scooter, I thought you were sick" Ok Fine so we slowly, and I mean turtles moved faster, head down to the bus stop. Somewhere along that short walk the scooter became too difficult to handle and I was ordered by the tiny princess to carry it. We meet my son and head back to the house. While walking home, her great weather appropriate pink flip flops kept falling off her feet. Now let me explain something, she has worn these about 100,000 times and NEVER had an issue. Today, they were just jumping off of her feet though. My son and made the HUGE HUGE mistake of giggling about how dramatic she was attempting to be. I mean she could have received a Daytime Emmy for this performance she was putting on. Oh big mistake because the ENTIRE rest of the walk home was filled with screams at the top of her lungs for us to stop laughing, and of course this made it even harder to stop laughing....It was one of my definite TOP 5 Parenting Moments of the Year!! We walk home with smiles and the second we hit my front door my "I am a great parent face" quickly jumped to "oh little girl you are in trouble face". After a 15 minute screaming session in her room she decided to come out and join the world again. She comes out and looks at me and sobbingly says...."But I just love you mom!!"
The rest of the day was pretty much the same. At the end of the day we sat on the couch and snuggled. I asked her if she thought today was a good one. She said "no because I cried alot today." I hugged her and said tomorrow is a new day and the beauty of tomorrow is that we can always try again! And after a kiss, a smile, and a hug her eyes closed and she was out like a light.
The great day of productivity was over and I had done nothing on the list. I started think about what I had just told her a few moments before. I may not have done anyting on the list BUT....The beauty of tomorrow is though....we get to it all try again!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What you have left
"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts - it's what you do with what you have left." ~Hubert Humphrey
On paper I appear to have nothing. Our finances have been cut in half since the layoffs, every bill is late, and I actually had to hold off on important testing for my health because the copay is too high. I am like many others who have been hit by this economic crisis. I don't know and have no way of knowing how long we will have to "ride this out". Yes, on paper my life sucks. Our truck broke down, there are no interviews to the 500 applications that have been put in, and Christmas....well it will be one of those "this is what is really important holiday seasons for us". It will not have tvs and video games. It will not have a tree filled with countless toys to open. It will "that" year for us.
This is on paper. You would think I would be a depressed train wreck right??! I mean all this on the back of a year long cancer battle myself....
I think if it wasn't for the horrible ugly beast cancer coming into my life I wouldn't be able to tell you this.......
None of what I just told you matters! My husband used to go to work at 5am and we would not see him again until somewhere between 5pm and 1am (for ot). He now picks up kids from school, has had a few lunches with my son, and sits at every football practice! Yes every bill is late and I get calls daily for money but we have learned to live much simpler. Christmas will not be filled with tons of presents but we will make sure somehow our children will remember it forever. We are blessed to have this experience and when we come out on the other side the things we gained will make us stronger people. Life may go back to "normal" eventually, but we won't!
When people ask how I am I think they expect a big sad answer and I just don't have that. It is not comfortable by any means in my life right now but being uncomfortable for a while makes you grow right. Think about exercise....I am training for a triathlon right now and my life really is a lot like swimming. If you stop swimming you will drown. Keep moving and slow or fast you will get to the end! That is what we have to do right now too! Keep pushing and this too will pass!!! On my cancer journey I wrote my favorite quote..."keep moving forward" and the same is still true even now.
Today I just wanted to point out as we go through our hustle and bustle of life that life has its ups and downs and how we choose to deal with that makes us who we are! Don't dwell on what you have lost or you won't be able to see what great things you still have left!
On paper I appear to have nothing. Our finances have been cut in half since the layoffs, every bill is late, and I actually had to hold off on important testing for my health because the copay is too high. I am like many others who have been hit by this economic crisis. I don't know and have no way of knowing how long we will have to "ride this out". Yes, on paper my life sucks. Our truck broke down, there are no interviews to the 500 applications that have been put in, and Christmas....well it will be one of those "this is what is really important holiday seasons for us". It will not have tvs and video games. It will not have a tree filled with countless toys to open. It will "that" year for us.
This is on paper. You would think I would be a depressed train wreck right??! I mean all this on the back of a year long cancer battle myself....
I think if it wasn't for the horrible ugly beast cancer coming into my life I wouldn't be able to tell you this.......
None of what I just told you matters! My husband used to go to work at 5am and we would not see him again until somewhere between 5pm and 1am (for ot). He now picks up kids from school, has had a few lunches with my son, and sits at every football practice! Yes every bill is late and I get calls daily for money but we have learned to live much simpler. Christmas will not be filled with tons of presents but we will make sure somehow our children will remember it forever. We are blessed to have this experience and when we come out on the other side the things we gained will make us stronger people. Life may go back to "normal" eventually, but we won't!
When people ask how I am I think they expect a big sad answer and I just don't have that. It is not comfortable by any means in my life right now but being uncomfortable for a while makes you grow right. Think about exercise....I am training for a triathlon right now and my life really is a lot like swimming. If you stop swimming you will drown. Keep moving and slow or fast you will get to the end! That is what we have to do right now too! Keep pushing and this too will pass!!! On my cancer journey I wrote my favorite quote..."keep moving forward" and the same is still true even now.
Today I just wanted to point out as we go through our hustle and bustle of life that life has its ups and downs and how we choose to deal with that makes us who we are! Don't dwell on what you have lost or you won't be able to see what great things you still have left!
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