Beautiful life

Great quote for today....
The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.
Frank Lloyd Wright

I like this quote today. Just finished a very great but busy and almost unrelaxing weekend. We had some great family get togethers in the evenings, my husband put together a two hour shed for three days at his parents house, and I organized a few closets (didn't realize we had so much stuff). Now hopefully a nice garage sale will get it all out of here. And then just like a flash....the long 4 day weekend (for us) was gone. Now back to close up shop at work for the next two weeks and then...off till August.

I have been trying to run more and more and now my 2 mile run has become the standard. I feel good about it, but still wish I could push a bit harder...all in good time I guess. I also just received from the local cancer center a membership to the WELL-FIT program. The local gym partnered with them to offer a group personal trainer sessions for 2 days a week for a 10 week program. Then the rest of the week you can use the facilities which include a pool and babysitting....not bad for a FREE service to patients. If I show up and do well they will extend it for another 10 week session! A trainer is just what I need to get myself back into shape after this little war that has been going on inside. Starts next Tuesday and I am very excited!

I see the doctor this week too...been a while since we talked. I will find out the next steps I guess. I hope that includes....NOTHING! :) I am trying to plan a surprise for the staff at the cancer center for my last day of chemo party! We will see how fast my brain allows me to do it! The staff there are ALL so awesome. I have yet to meet one who even seemed to have a bad day! When you are in this type of a situation having people like that is soooo important and for that I am very thankful.

Last but certainly not least, I talked with a wonderful local photographer and friend last week. She is going to help me by taking a "Bald Woman" photo shoot. I am nervous to bear the bald for the world to see, but I think it will be freeing too. My hope is that next year when I am complaining about my hair I can pull the pics out and realize where I have come from. The other goal behind this is to use them next year with the middle school girls to talk about self esteem and not being a follower. I hope it provides some power to them and I hope to change some ways of thinking......we will see!

My pink toilet is painted and almost ready to go. I got the wonderful idea to flush out cancer with the toilet from a friend in Missouri. She is doing this and is cool with me copying her wonderful idea. I would like to raise some money for some local people that need help. More info to come. (Any advice on starting a 501 C3 would be accepted right about now too!

Oh yeah....can't wait till Dec 14th...going to the Carrie Underwood concert with my 3 favorite women on the planet!

Challenge of the day....Everyone that reads this today....Help someone randomly today and then tell them to do the same. Let's see how many good things can happen to people today...who knows maybe it will come around to you when you need it most. Have a wonderful day...hope the sun is shining where you are, even if it's raining.

Tales of the Morning, BW

The Bald Woman woke up rather refreshed today. There was nobody in her bed, no elbows in the face, and she wasn't crammed as close to the edge as humanly possible. She knew then it was going to be a good day.....
She knew it would be good until... the great battle between the two short residents began. A battle it was too. They both decided that playing spies would be a good idea and it was too for a little while. Then just like any great movie the oldest one turned out to be a double agent and he quickly turned on his partner in crime. This only angered the smallest one and she was going to let him have it. Before pinching him to show her disapproval of his double crossing she let out the sound only dogs can hear. Well Bald Woman heard it too but that is because she has super frequency "mom" ears. It was so loud, so long, and so high pitched that even the dog went into the other room. I think she showed him....
Then a quick refuel with her coffee but today it was filled with those little black bits that make your stomach turn. Maybe a refuel with some juice instead this morning. Off to the next task, laundry. She wonders for a small family that seems to wear the same clothes each day they sure have a lot of laundry to do...never ending in fact. Oh well just keep moving she says. When you sit down here they find more things for you to do. She has learned this over and over.
The troops are hungry so the battle of breakfast begins again. This is a daily battle with the smallest child over weather cookies and ice cream are considered breakfast. Oh the tears were flowing like she lost her best friend. Finally a more appropriate choice was made and bald woman encountered yet another victory.
Then the streaking began. There is a small streaker running around the home and she rounds her up like cattle and moves to the next oh so fun task of getting dressed. Style is on the minds of these two up and coming super stars! With mismatched outfits in hand and weather outside not even being a factor the "trendsetters" get on their gear for the day. She allows them to win this battle because she knows there will be at least 2 or 3 "costume changes" throughout the day.
She goes a few more rounds with the small ones over very important topics such as....voice tone, telling the truth, what toys are used for and where they go vs. don't go, tattling vs. being helpful, how to treat an animal, what is Smart-Alick (which is better than yesterday's discussion of what is a smart a**), and many more hot topics! For a brief moment she notices the two sitting together under a shared blanket. They are laughing and making 'fart noises' at each other. The Bald Woman sits down (even with the dangers of having to do more work) and watches. She wipes a small tear from her eye and knows that she is lucky to be employed here at this place. She finally has the dream job that doesn't feel like a job! She realizes yet again on this day how lucky she really is and says thank you.......then in a blink of an eye she moves off to the crisis in the next room and begins utilizing her UN peacekeeping skills!
AHHHH, All in a mornings work!

Laughter is the best medicine

Why does life always pass you by so quickly when you are filling it with things to do? We watched the season's last baseball game, went to a birthday party, and even a bit of yard work. It was a wonderful weekend. I went into a bit of a funk for a few days, but felt like a different person yesterday. I get these mood swings every now and then that last like a day or two. They are not fun. I feel as if everything in the world is wrong and turn into this negative person....The humorous thing about these is I can feel when I am doing it. I just can't stop doing it is the problem. I do think that laughter pulled me out of this one.

You see I have this crazy family...they are big, loud, and the most loving bunch of crazies I have ever met. Most people when they are having a bad day, like the one I was talking about, would like to just sit quietly and ride it out...right? No, not me I have the pep squad cheering me on like I am the losing football team. They call or send cards or just check in and let me vent every now and then. Some try to solve my "problem" (that is not really a problem just a case of bad attitude) some just listen and offer advice when I ask them.
BUT......there is one family member that knows how to cheer someone up! She came over to bring me a wonderful home cooked meal (that the restaurant was going to prepare for her). We talked for a few minutes checking in and she asks, "Hey did you go running today?"....."Why yes I did, this morning in fact I finally made 2 miles"......"Oh?? I thought I saw you a little while ago running."......"Nope, not me sorry. I ran this morning"......."Huh,She looked just like you, she was BLONDE, PONYTAILED....OOOO!" (slight pause).......
Then..... just laughter and talking about "cancer burn dude". It was pretty funny. I am so thankful that I don't get upset about this stuff. I think she just wanted to read about herself on my blog today...she likes attention! I am sure you have seen the comments we make back and forth on facebook too! Please don't worry the mean lady insulting the poor cancer victim will get her karma one day! On a serious note that stupid ponytail comment was the beginning of the lifting of the bad mood, so thank you for reminding me that I am bald and can't have a ponytail for a long while! :) It took some humor and some wine but by Saturday night I was fine! Others may wonder if I get offended.....NOT A CHANCE! I would be more offended if we stopped being mean to one another! We both know that we are too funny for our own good (me more so than her) and so we keep each other in check. (I love that right now I could write anything too without reading any comments!!)

All in all it was a great weekend full of laughs and fun. I am so lucky to have all of the wonderful people in my life that make it so much more manageable. A special thank you to my mom this week who, by the way, sits with me for over 2 hours EVERY WEEK. She has a full time job, she cleans her own house, cleans my house, sits with me a few hours each week, and makes us a dinner every other week. I am pretty sure that I don't tell her enough how much her being there means to me. This week we had to sit in radiology for almost 2 hours. She didn't complain one time....I did! My arm went numb while getting meds this week...had to go check and make sure there was no leak in the port. There isn't. Long wait to find out that the needle was probably just pushing on a nerve or something. By the time we returned there was no time to do the chemo cycle so I was lucky enough to get to come back the next day. It went well and I got to sit with a very positive co-worker who always lifts my spirits.

To all of you that continue to make a difference in my life or the lives of those around you, BIG HUGE THANKS! Thanks for the laughs too they were much needed!

I HATE CANCER!

The more I think I have life figured out the more I realize I don't have clue.

I have hope, faith, love and all that stuff but sometimes it's just not enough. I start to wonder... do we make more of a difference on people when we are gone rather than when we are alive? If that's true then why do we spend so much time trying to make a differnce now? I live each day thankful to wake up. I have a disease that can kill me when it wants. It may or may not be 100% over. That is a strange concept to accept. The only way I am able to live well right now and after this is over is to treat this as any great battle. When I win... it is over. That's it. If it comes back... then we fight again! I won't stop fighting till I am not able to fight anymore.

I am so sad today thinking about others that have this stupid disease. So many have lost their battles or have to fight this over and over. Why do some make it and some not? The most difficult stories to hear about are with children. It just doesn't seem fair. I realize we live in a very unfair world, but children... This is disease needs to be gone! I am filled with tears thinking about others that lost their battles when I am kicking this things a**. Why am I any different? Will I have to fight again? Maybe this point is when your faith is really tested and I have to trust that I am still here for a reason. The quote of the day fits well here today too....

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.MLK Jr.

I guess no matter what my path has in store I will just KEEP MOVING FORWARD! This is and has been my motto from day 1!! I occasionally have to remind myself of that, but I feel I have been pretty true to it!

Rise of the Baldies

Bald is the new blonde , that is what they say
Remebering is hard, what day is it today?

The hair goes first, within fourteen days
the memory goes next, Is it really May?

Then you get distracted just like your two
you forget what you've said... I have no clue?

I think I am writing all the greats of this chemo
I feel like that fish in Finding Nemo

Cancer is not fun according to some
but my house is clean and my dinner is done

So watch out blondes don't get enraged
Baldies around are coming to upstage

Being a baldie may be the new "it" for spring
We have Brittany and Demi and this forgetful thing

We have more fun because we are pampered
you have an old fad that's looking quite dampered

Our time is coming just watch and see
Everyone will want to be just like me

Baldies are in now and blondes are out
Sooo....what was I trying to write about???

Book of Life

I have been looking at life alot lately like it is a great book. Think of the greatest books you have read and imagine if the story would have been any good without the difficulties. I am going to guess no! We are all going to go through difficulties in our lives, some more difficult than others, but that is life and living. Some of the people I look up to most in my life have suffered the greatest difficulties. I think what separates us is the way we deal with them. There are those who curse them, blame others, and get wrapped up in them. Then there are the others who try to take each difficulty for what it is....a lesson or opportunity to gain something. You can gain something out of even the most devastating situations. I am not sure why or how we choose our side, but the division is there. I am openly choosing the side of learning. There are critics however that think that is not possible. They want to know why I am not angry or blaming others or the environmental factors that cause cancer. They think there could be a quick fix or if only someone would have...whatever. I smile, knowing that their motives are only to protect me from any pain, worry, or stress. Does it really matter what happened to lead up to this? If I felt it would save someone else...sure I would go around shouting to anyone that would listen. In my case, however, there is nothing I would have done differently.

*****I would encourage 100% to do self exams EVERY month to catch things as early as possible... I did catch mine early and that made life much easier.******

Maybe this is why writers have great stories to tell. They understand and are on the side of lessons and learning. They can take the negatives and find a way to learn something or show others how. They are able to share that with the world and people stop and evaluate their own life. Once you change your thinking to the positive your whole life begins to change. (I am NOT even remotely saying you will never complain, so don't get me confused here) It is like any great skill that you develop it takes practice. It is a skill or an art to think like that. Anyone can do it, I certainly had dark points in my life long before cancer came around. I gave in to self pity and felt powerless. All I could think about or focus on was how I couldn't get out....and I didn't. I had to make that choice to change though not anyone else.

In my grandfathers great story of life he had MANY ups and downs. His last day we shared them all and how those ups and yes even the downs all put everyone into the places that we are in our lives now. If it weren't for some of HIS biggest struggles people wouldn't have met, some of us not born, and attitudes would have been different. Knowing this, how could you say his struggles were a bad thing. Not very fun at the time yes, but to never have had them would have changed everything...I say everything happens for a reason and some would argue that is just what we say to make ourselves feel better. So to that I say....Everything may not happen for a reason, but you can find a reason out of everything! My grandfather received the most perfect last day ever. He listened to how he changed and formed all of our lives and then just like a great story a few hours after we left...so did he holding the hand of his true love and wife.

Today, I can only hope my own story will be as full and impactful as he was to each of us. Go make an impact today!

Waiting

Looking back, on the things I've done
waiting...for the world to see
They don't know, they can't see
all the change, that I've had in me

If they only knew all the things that I've seen
they would see how we oughta be
I wish they could trust in the love and faith
it could make them live so free

I'm waiting on the world you see, a little at a time
I'm waiting on the world you see, to step right up and shine
I am waiting on the world you see, to finally do their part
I am waiting on the world you see, to make a brand new start

I've gotta be strong, hold my head up high
pushing through no matter what, you see
I've gotta be strong, hold my head up high
waiting....for them to sing with me

It's not too late no matter who you are
to be the one, to be that shining star
You can make a difference if you try
Just love and live and forget about the why

I'm waiting on the world you see, a little at a time
I'm waiting on the world you see, to step right up and shine
I am waiting on the world you see, to finally do their part
I am waiting on the world you see, to make a brand new start

And there we are, more than one you see
standing...for all the world to see
One by one they join harmoniously
singing... knowing how to be free

And we'll wait...on the world
No matter what people say
And we'll keep trying..to change the world
And give them all a better day.