Going or growing?

Don't go through life, grow through life.

Eric Butterworth

There is a song that says, "I'm in a hurry to get things done, rushing, rushing till life's no fun....." I love this song because of the reminder it gives me to stop and slow down. I find my self more now post-cancer "looking" at things. I notice the colors in sky. I notice people interacting with each other. I notice little things everyday that are amazing.
There are times I wonder if life has this greater meaning or am I trying so hard to find a greater meaning because of what has happened to me.  There are times when I get upset that I have had cancer. I mean I get mad! Not just the times when my kids ask me about it or everyday when I look at this body full of scars. I get mad when I think about how simple my life was before and how I didn't even realize it. I can't go back to the person I was before even if I wanted to. I am not her anymore. That girl left the day I laid on a surgery table making the OR techs laugh. I wouldn't have told you then that my life was easy but now I realize, much as a child does when they move out of their home for the first time, that my life WAS not as difficult as I thought. I don't think my life is bad now so don't confuse this post with one that is complaining. I just now see that before I just lived my life. I did things and just lived life. Now, I search for meaning in everything I do. I think about how I can bring this to others and now most importantly I do in fact "grow". I take every up and every down and analyze it to death and grow into a different person than I was the day before.
I am thankful for every single scar. I am thankful for every beautiful color I see outside. I am thankful for the wonderful family and friends I am blessed to have. I am thankful that I am not the person I was before. I am thankful that I grow each day into the person I am meant to be.

Are you going or growing today? you alone get to make your choice each day! Have a great day!