Our stories may all be different
and our ages are not the same
But now we are all like a team
all playing in the same game.
Our songs we sing all vary
but the tune remains the same
Alone we are but one voice
but together we make a name
We laugh, we cry, we rant and rave
about our latest bolders
We know, we feel, we do our best
to give each other our shoulders
In this room in a circle of hope
in which we are all a part
We create strength and courage
and light to make a start
Some of us can't remember names
and we want some little tricks
We're lucky we have the talent
that can draw us little pics.
Thank you for the laughter
that we share each time
and thank you for the advice recieved
and now I hope that you'll take mine
Live each day to the fullest
and love with all your heart
Smile laugh and appreciate
it is never too late to start
So lets sit here in our circle
lauging about the Days of our lives
Sharing caring and understanding
that we all one day thrive
The Diary of the Bald Woman
Friday, April 30, 2010
4th one down
Well another Thursday down, the fourth of twelve, and another 2am post. I have it down to a science now. I either sleep the first four hours from 10 till 2am or I am not able to sleep till 3 am and sleep till about 7. It is frustrating because I am so tired......
I am tired, but can't sleep
I am frustrated, but feel a calm
Thoughts are racing, but my body won't move
Want to sleep now, but will sleep at noon
No physical pain, but the toll is being taken on my brain
Will write till I am tired or the sunrises, which will come first?
I have one third completed now with the last set of meds and now over the half way point of this entire mental marathon (aka chemotherapy). I look back at what I have already accomplished this far and feel some pride. In the last 6 months I have 3 surgeries, lost every hair on my head, had millions of doctor visits and blood draws, completed 16 weeks of chemotherapy, and still...worked, ran miles, took care of two children under 6, and held on to positivity when some would see no reasons. Clearly, I did not do this on my own and have had the best support system ever. Once in a while though, I think it is OK to pat yourself on the back (without my wonderful sarcasms) and be proud of what you can do if you never stop moving forward! I would not have thought I could handle such difficulties and they are not done yet, but in this reflection tonight I can see I will never stop. I will not stop doing what needs to be done. I am close to hitting that moment where the finish line is in sight for this race. I can't wait.
I have been praying more these days and noticing that in ways I have never dreamed of they are being answered. I have gone to church, but not much lately. I am not sure why you would think I would go more now, but I think I just haven't found that place that I walk in the door and know...that is the right place for me. Don't get me wrong I actually like the church I attend, but occasionally it feels more of a habit than a need to go. For now these 2 or 3am nights seem to work. I am 100% sure that footprints story is happening to me right now though. Where God is walking with me and there are 2 sets of footprints. The times when there are only one, it is not because he has left me it is that is carrying me through the most difficult parts. I really feel the power of this story at this time in my life and I am thankful for the help.
I realize that this early morning post is not filled with the usually hilarious material that I normally do. Every so often I can be a bit serious...I think that personalities name is "Victoria" (she keeps us intelligent and does all the studying for us)! :) OK it s like 3:30am and I maybe finally ready to sleep????
I am tired, but can't sleep
I am frustrated, but feel a calm
Thoughts are racing, but my body won't move
Want to sleep now, but will sleep at noon
No physical pain, but the toll is being taken on my brain
Will write till I am tired or the sunrises, which will come first?
I have one third completed now with the last set of meds and now over the half way point of this entire mental marathon (aka chemotherapy). I look back at what I have already accomplished this far and feel some pride. In the last 6 months I have 3 surgeries, lost every hair on my head, had millions of doctor visits and blood draws, completed 16 weeks of chemotherapy, and still...worked, ran miles, took care of two children under 6, and held on to positivity when some would see no reasons. Clearly, I did not do this on my own and have had the best support system ever. Once in a while though, I think it is OK to pat yourself on the back (without my wonderful sarcasms) and be proud of what you can do if you never stop moving forward! I would not have thought I could handle such difficulties and they are not done yet, but in this reflection tonight I can see I will never stop. I will not stop doing what needs to be done. I am close to hitting that moment where the finish line is in sight for this race. I can't wait.
I have been praying more these days and noticing that in ways I have never dreamed of they are being answered. I have gone to church, but not much lately. I am not sure why you would think I would go more now, but I think I just haven't found that place that I walk in the door and know...that is the right place for me. Don't get me wrong I actually like the church I attend, but occasionally it feels more of a habit than a need to go. For now these 2 or 3am nights seem to work. I am 100% sure that footprints story is happening to me right now though. Where God is walking with me and there are 2 sets of footprints. The times when there are only one, it is not because he has left me it is that is carrying me through the most difficult parts. I really feel the power of this story at this time in my life and I am thankful for the help.
I realize that this early morning post is not filled with the usually hilarious material that I normally do. Every so often I can be a bit serious...I think that personalities name is "Victoria" (she keeps us intelligent and does all the studying for us)! :) OK it s like 3:30am and I maybe finally ready to sleep????
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Good quote of the day
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Margaret Thatcher
This is the quote of the day and I love it! I just wanted to keep it in the posts so I wouldn't forget it....
Margaret Thatcher
This is the quote of the day and I love it! I just wanted to keep it in the posts so I wouldn't forget it....
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Chemo Chair
The days are busy the wait is long
you wish that someone had got it all wrong
There are whys and how's and in between
wonder how life could be so mean
Do they understand or even care
watching you sitting in the chemo chair
They ask how you're doing and you can't even say
because life has thrown you a curve ball today
This is the day that your life takes a turn
this is the day from which courage you'll earn
This is not a dream that you've always had
but it is not anything that should make you sad
The chair will give you hope and help you to see
it will help give you strength and let you be free
It sounds like a lot for a "chair" to do
but think about it because there are two
The people you bring with you or even alone
YOU have the power and the power YOU own
Take this opportunity and discover yourself
and make this experience about more than your health
You won't be sorry when you find out
that strength is knowledge turned inside out
No matter with whom or where you sit
YOU will make it if you just don't quit
So sit down and relax, throw away your care
Discover that life is better in the chemo chair
you wish that someone had got it all wrong
There are whys and how's and in between
wonder how life could be so mean
Do they understand or even care
watching you sitting in the chemo chair
They ask how you're doing and you can't even say
because life has thrown you a curve ball today
This is the day that your life takes a turn
this is the day from which courage you'll earn
This is not a dream that you've always had
but it is not anything that should make you sad
The chair will give you hope and help you to see
it will help give you strength and let you be free
It sounds like a lot for a "chair" to do
but think about it because there are two
The people you bring with you or even alone
YOU have the power and the power YOU own
Take this opportunity and discover yourself
and make this experience about more than your health
You won't be sorry when you find out
that strength is knowledge turned inside out
No matter with whom or where you sit
YOU will make it if you just don't quit
So sit down and relax, throw away your care
Discover that life is better in the chemo chair
Superhero
Well the bald woman is doing well on this Monday morning....considering it is Monday.
It has been one of those whirl wind weekends that seems to be over before it has even started. The funny thing is we didn't even have any plans. Busy busy as always but fun. I would have to say for the most part so far with these meds I feel fine. I use that term pretty loosely because I don't remember what fine used to be. I don't really feel affected most days...I feel like I do exactly what I would have normally been doing and occasionally I am more tired than I would like. This experience should make me somewhat of a superhero after right?? I will never be tired, be able to juggle millions of things, and pretty much know i can fight anything....need a superhero name??? Maybe just the Bald Woman with a big BW inside a pink ribbon??? oh this could be fun! Watch out world...the next superhero is stepping up!
I also really hate wigs in the wind!! This is very funny and I am sure you will see a post eventually but I am terrified my wig will fly off in one of our famous wind storms. Time will tell on this one. Still no hair...well maybe a few new guys to group, but nothing to get too excited about. 14 days to fall and 3 weeks and counting and still nothing??? Go figure.
Going to work today to plan a talent show that will happen in two weeks. This should be fun. It is the 2nd annual talent show so it should be a bit easier this year right?
No real crazy stories today...odd I know...I think we were just too busy! Too busy for ciaos...maybe that is the secret to a non-chaotic life...Don't give it any time to get crazy???
It has been one of those whirl wind weekends that seems to be over before it has even started. The funny thing is we didn't even have any plans. Busy busy as always but fun. I would have to say for the most part so far with these meds I feel fine. I use that term pretty loosely because I don't remember what fine used to be. I don't really feel affected most days...I feel like I do exactly what I would have normally been doing and occasionally I am more tired than I would like. This experience should make me somewhat of a superhero after right?? I will never be tired, be able to juggle millions of things, and pretty much know i can fight anything....need a superhero name??? Maybe just the Bald Woman with a big BW inside a pink ribbon??? oh this could be fun! Watch out world...the next superhero is stepping up!
I also really hate wigs in the wind!! This is very funny and I am sure you will see a post eventually but I am terrified my wig will fly off in one of our famous wind storms. Time will tell on this one. Still no hair...well maybe a few new guys to group, but nothing to get too excited about. 14 days to fall and 3 weeks and counting and still nothing??? Go figure.
Going to work today to plan a talent show that will happen in two weeks. This should be fun. It is the 2nd annual talent show so it should be a bit easier this year right?
No real crazy stories today...odd I know...I think we were just too busy! Too busy for ciaos...maybe that is the secret to a non-chaotic life...Don't give it any time to get crazy???
Friday, April 23, 2010
Sleep Deprived
The bald woman never sleeps.....
This will be my biggest complaint at the moment. It is so miserable to not be able to go to sleep for more that 3 or 4 hours at a time. It takes me a few days of this and then just about the time I am sleeping normal again....POW it is time for the next spa visit. They must be putting something in my drinks :)
Overall life is still good. The fence company did right by us and gave us the fence, but now the air conditioner is bad news...That is life I guess one curve ball after another. I am happy anyway. I have a wonderful husband, wonderful children, great friends, and my health...ha ha!
I ran 1.5 miles yesterday without stopping before I went in for treatment. This may not seem like a big feat to anyone else (even me right now) but it is an improvement from my other runs. I have just got back into it. It is hit and miss on if I feel like running each day. I try to listen to myself and if I have the energy I do it if not...oh well. Needless to say I have not been very conssistant due to not feeling well or being tired alot. By the looks of this morning however, I may be able to do that again even today. The tired is really the worst of this stuff. I may have a few new hairs growing, like 3. I check daily to see if it has grown even a 1/2 cm. No dice yet. It took 14 days to fall out, but it's been over 14 days on new meds....where are the long lucious locks????? But having hair again means product, fixing it, and showers that last longer than 5 min...whatever will I do. Better run I hear children stirring in the house...free time offically over! Make it a great day!
This will be my biggest complaint at the moment. It is so miserable to not be able to go to sleep for more that 3 or 4 hours at a time. It takes me a few days of this and then just about the time I am sleeping normal again....POW it is time for the next spa visit. They must be putting something in my drinks :)
Overall life is still good. The fence company did right by us and gave us the fence, but now the air conditioner is bad news...That is life I guess one curve ball after another. I am happy anyway. I have a wonderful husband, wonderful children, great friends, and my health...ha ha!
I ran 1.5 miles yesterday without stopping before I went in for treatment. This may not seem like a big feat to anyone else (even me right now) but it is an improvement from my other runs. I have just got back into it. It is hit and miss on if I feel like running each day. I try to listen to myself and if I have the energy I do it if not...oh well. Needless to say I have not been very conssistant due to not feeling well or being tired alot. By the looks of this morning however, I may be able to do that again even today. The tired is really the worst of this stuff. I may have a few new hairs growing, like 3. I check daily to see if it has grown even a 1/2 cm. No dice yet. It took 14 days to fall out, but it's been over 14 days on new meds....where are the long lucious locks????? But having hair again means product, fixing it, and showers that last longer than 5 min...whatever will I do. Better run I hear children stirring in the house...free time offically over! Make it a great day!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
When it rains it pours
The Bald woman quickly goes back to reality after a wonderful weekend away!
It all started with the air conditioner....it is broken, they didn't come to fix it, and it is like 75 or 80 degrees for the the first time all year. Lucky break huh! After two phone calls and house registering at 77 degrees she felt the makeup melting off her face.
Oh but it's about to get better....... She and her family have been saving for a fence for almost 3 years and finally purchased one.....the fence company however did not send the panels. They sent everything else just not the main portion. Now just like any great story goes, they haven't decided if they will be sending them. She wonders how they can decide weather or not they will give her what she has paid for...isn't that illegal??? Check is cashed but products are not here. She wonders how people can be so heartless? She has told them the story and they don't even seem to care. They must think she is lying, but why she just wants her fence. She fights for life each week why should she have to fight to get something she already paid for? What they must not realize is that she kicks this cancer in the a** each week and has become quite a fighter and will fight for what is right here!!!
That's not all it gets better still......that beautiful 2 year old diva that runs this residence is cranky. well cranky is not really the word....She is in full tantrum mode now. The body is flailing, the screams are going, and she is running away from the bald woman as she is attempting to put her in a brief timeout. She is running pretty fast too! The bald woman has to stop and laugh for second....it looked like a scene from some Nanny 911 or something! :)After the quick laugh she takes the tired toddler to her room to chill out for a few minutes BUT before she can even let her calm herself down...
it gets better ........now that dog again. He must have got some food that fell on the floor after dinner because here is the biggest tallest pile of throw up she has ever seen. No warning on this one better go new carpet shopping soon!
Finally she is able to sit down on the couch and give her thanks for another "action packed day"! She can't wait to close her eyes because tomorrow is a new day full of potential to go either way. Half the excitement is wondering which way it will go!
The moral of the story here is when it rains it pours but we can still have a good laugh the next day! :)
Cancer update: I am feeling pretty good but am getting a bit tired of this allready. Trying to keep spirits high and not think too much about the number of visits I still have to attend (its 10 by the way). Why is it that looking back on things it seems so much easier, funnier, or faster but living through them each day doesn't? I am going to try and focus more on the PINKEST PARTY anyone has ever seen. I am planning a party for summer to celebrate so stay tuned!
Today the daily quote struck me as being really true so I would like to post it in here to share......
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Robert Frost
Enjoy your days crazy or not. Just remember how funny the story will be tomorrow!
It all started with the air conditioner....it is broken, they didn't come to fix it, and it is like 75 or 80 degrees for the the first time all year. Lucky break huh! After two phone calls and house registering at 77 degrees she felt the makeup melting off her face.
Oh but it's about to get better....... She and her family have been saving for a fence for almost 3 years and finally purchased one.....the fence company however did not send the panels. They sent everything else just not the main portion. Now just like any great story goes, they haven't decided if they will be sending them. She wonders how they can decide weather or not they will give her what she has paid for...isn't that illegal??? Check is cashed but products are not here. She wonders how people can be so heartless? She has told them the story and they don't even seem to care. They must think she is lying, but why she just wants her fence. She fights for life each week why should she have to fight to get something she already paid for? What they must not realize is that she kicks this cancer in the a** each week and has become quite a fighter and will fight for what is right here!!!
That's not all it gets better still......that beautiful 2 year old diva that runs this residence is cranky. well cranky is not really the word....She is in full tantrum mode now. The body is flailing, the screams are going, and she is running away from the bald woman as she is attempting to put her in a brief timeout. She is running pretty fast too! The bald woman has to stop and laugh for second....it looked like a scene from some Nanny 911 or something! :)After the quick laugh she takes the tired toddler to her room to chill out for a few minutes BUT before she can even let her calm herself down...
it gets better ........now that dog again. He must have got some food that fell on the floor after dinner because here is the biggest tallest pile of throw up she has ever seen. No warning on this one better go new carpet shopping soon!
Finally she is able to sit down on the couch and give her thanks for another "action packed day"! She can't wait to close her eyes because tomorrow is a new day full of potential to go either way. Half the excitement is wondering which way it will go!
The moral of the story here is when it rains it pours but we can still have a good laugh the next day! :)
Cancer update: I am feeling pretty good but am getting a bit tired of this allready. Trying to keep spirits high and not think too much about the number of visits I still have to attend (its 10 by the way). Why is it that looking back on things it seems so much easier, funnier, or faster but living through them each day doesn't? I am going to try and focus more on the PINKEST PARTY anyone has ever seen. I am planning a party for summer to celebrate so stay tuned!
Today the daily quote struck me as being really true so I would like to post it in here to share......
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Robert Frost
Enjoy your days crazy or not. Just remember how funny the story will be tomorrow!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Weekend Away
What a weekend....We decided to go to Portland for a long weekend and it was great. We went to the zoo, a discovery musuem, swam in the hotel pool, and even went up to Seattle on the way home to go to a Mariners game. It was really non-stop for us. I had my 2nd treatment with the new stuff on Thursday and by Friday morning we were on the road. I was a little nervous on if I would be tired or sick. We did LOTS of walking, pretty much the whole weekend everywhere we went. Turns out I was good to go. I was so happy to have spent the quality time with my little family. I even forgot to take a nausea med on the way there and I didn't even notice.
Here are the highlights....
1. Kids sitting at the hotel restaruant screaming, "It's mine" with the salt shaker (while I was getting them the food to put it on).
2. Taking the bus and trains to get to the zoo so we didn't have to drive. It was funny trying to figure out what bus or train to connect to....it was alot harder than I thought.
3. Touring downtown Portland by bus and looking out to homes with bars on the windows.
5. While on the bus 30 drug rehab workers joined us with their lovely mouths on their way to pick up the trash in the city.
6. Walking to dinner each night and having my husband and son talk each day about wanting to go to Hooters and my 2 year old say, yeah..Cooties!
7. Going to the Mariners game and walking under the I-5 bridge and seeing the 5 people asleep under it and being thankful for my crazy life.
8. On the way there having NO agenda. We left whenever, stopped where ever, and did whatever we wanted. Everyone should try this sometime....no worries whatsoever!
9. Randomly discovered a really cool history museum while on the way with a really cool kids area inside.
10. Watching my husband carry a 25 pound weight on his shoulders all weekend while she danced and waved to her fans below!
The most important thing that I will remember from this weekend however is....
I felt like a normal person on a vacation not a cancer patient. Not once do I remember thinking even about the word cancer! That is a success in my book. We had more fun as a family this weekend than we have in a long time. That to me is priceless and I will take these memories and cherish them forever.
I do need to thank yet another angel in my life. My sister's mother-in-law!!! No we are not related by blood or marriage even, but this woman is family none the less. She came over before we left on this trip with an envelope full of what she had raised at her work. She wanted to do something for me at her work and they told her no because I was not her family...she then put together a tupperwear basket full of $150 worth of tupperwear products (she sells them). She then sold is as a raffle ticket item at her work instead of a "fundraiser". God sends lots of people here to do things and I am thankful for each and every one of you that has crossed my path and I pray that one day I am able to return the generosity. I am so happy and thankful that I know you all, have a wonderful day and make it count...never know when your time clock will run out!!!
Here are the highlights....
1. Kids sitting at the hotel restaruant screaming, "It's mine" with the salt shaker (while I was getting them the food to put it on).
2. Taking the bus and trains to get to the zoo so we didn't have to drive. It was funny trying to figure out what bus or train to connect to....it was alot harder than I thought.
3. Touring downtown Portland by bus and looking out to homes with bars on the windows.
5. While on the bus 30 drug rehab workers joined us with their lovely mouths on their way to pick up the trash in the city.
6. Walking to dinner each night and having my husband and son talk each day about wanting to go to Hooters and my 2 year old say, yeah..Cooties!
7. Going to the Mariners game and walking under the I-5 bridge and seeing the 5 people asleep under it and being thankful for my crazy life.
8. On the way there having NO agenda. We left whenever, stopped where ever, and did whatever we wanted. Everyone should try this sometime....no worries whatsoever!
9. Randomly discovered a really cool history museum while on the way with a really cool kids area inside.
10. Watching my husband carry a 25 pound weight on his shoulders all weekend while she danced and waved to her fans below!
The most important thing that I will remember from this weekend however is....
I felt like a normal person on a vacation not a cancer patient. Not once do I remember thinking even about the word cancer! That is a success in my book. We had more fun as a family this weekend than we have in a long time. That to me is priceless and I will take these memories and cherish them forever.
I do need to thank yet another angel in my life. My sister's mother-in-law!!! No we are not related by blood or marriage even, but this woman is family none the less. She came over before we left on this trip with an envelope full of what she had raised at her work. She wanted to do something for me at her work and they told her no because I was not her family...she then put together a tupperwear basket full of $150 worth of tupperwear products (she sells them). She then sold is as a raffle ticket item at her work instead of a "fundraiser". God sends lots of people here to do things and I am thankful for each and every one of you that has crossed my path and I pray that one day I am able to return the generosity. I am so happy and thankful that I know you all, have a wonderful day and make it count...never know when your time clock will run out!!!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Spa Day
It is spa day again and I just can't wait
my time to pamper, relax and appreciate
I am feeling like a lottery winner now
With my weekly spa visit, I mean WOW
They are very attentive to the spa guest's every whim
they ask lots of questions and do things for them
So I sit here with my feet high in the chair
just sit back and relax while they fix my hair......
Oh yeah, the hair is gone now thanks to this place
it's a good thing I have such a great face
They tell me that accupuncture is good for lots of things
but the needles have bags are attached with these strings?
They give you a shot with a taste so foul
but they do it with a smile and never a scowl
I am starting to wonder if this place is right
I have never been to a spa before tonight
People say you get pampered and that I do
they say you relax, and I do that too
I guess for now I will just keep humming my tune
after all it is paid for by someone... up until June!
my time to pamper, relax and appreciate
I am feeling like a lottery winner now
With my weekly spa visit, I mean WOW
They are very attentive to the spa guest's every whim
they ask lots of questions and do things for them
So I sit here with my feet high in the chair
just sit back and relax while they fix my hair......
Oh yeah, the hair is gone now thanks to this place
it's a good thing I have such a great face
They tell me that accupuncture is good for lots of things
but the needles have bags are attached with these strings?
They give you a shot with a taste so foul
but they do it with a smile and never a scowl
I am starting to wonder if this place is right
I have never been to a spa before tonight
People say you get pampered and that I do
they say you relax, and I do that too
I guess for now I will just keep humming my tune
after all it is paid for by someone... up until June!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Oh happy days
Well it has been a slow weekend...for me anyway. My poor but wonderful husband began installing our fence. He set 27 posts in concrete with the help of our two dads and two great friends. They worked all weekend and even had to rent a jackhammer because our back hillside was like rock! The project should be completed here in a few days. In other exciting news, my son has a birthday tomorrow. It feels like yesterday I was a terrified brand new parent checking to see if he was breathing every few minutes.
I have felt good pretty much since the treatment Thursday. This is a whole new ball game. I am tired but I dropped down from 6 meds in the morning after it to only 2. The best is no shot though. I guess I never realized how bad I felt till I have been feeling better. When this is all done I am sure I will feel like that again. I can't wait for 11 weeks from now to say, I AM DONE. Other than feeling a bit slow no real news today. I am hopeful that it will stay this way. I am sure I will still have many great stories, but for now... The bald woman is happy!
I have felt good pretty much since the treatment Thursday. This is a whole new ball game. I am tired but I dropped down from 6 meds in the morning after it to only 2. The best is no shot though. I guess I never realized how bad I felt till I have been feeling better. When this is all done I am sure I will feel like that again. I can't wait for 11 weeks from now to say, I AM DONE. Other than feeling a bit slow no real news today. I am hopeful that it will stay this way. I am sure I will still have many great stories, but for now... The bald woman is happy!
Friday, April 9, 2010
New meds begin-Round 1
I am fighting my new fight now. New meds yesterday and 12 new rounds. Last fight certainly had it's ups and downs but I think I took it for sure. I got knocked down quite a few times but NEVER knocked out!!
Feeling ok today so far. I am tired though. the stupid nausea meds that I take after make me unable to sleep at night very well. I was up from 2am till 5am staring at the walls and trying really hard to sleep.
This new medicine made me tired yesterday but that was actually the bennedryl. It is given before the chemo drug. The new drug is called Taxol. It is believed to be was less harsh and there is only one chemo drug not two. I am glad to have the combo behind me. The dosage is 4 to 6 for the combo but she said many can't tolerate 6. $ is pleanty for me. I should have little nausea now, hair will begin to grow back, and the best news was NO MORE BONE SHOT!! As you can tell I am very excited for this to happen. I really hated that thing. I only have to take one nausea med now for one day after then as needed. I was taking up to 6 after treatment before! When I saw the doctor she said that my white blood count was needing to be above 1500 or so....mine was an "impressive" 10,000!!! I am becoming a bit anemic though. This is suspected to go away with the meds and could be accounting for some of the fatigue I have.
I went into work yesterday for an hour or so. It was a bit unexpected but I seemed fine. Hopefully I will not miss work on the chemo days now...gonna play that one day by day. Really haven't missed as many days as I anticipated for being sick. The majority of time off has been to go see a doctor or have treatment. I am taking advantage of every well day and getting as much as humanly possible done. never know when the next one will be!!
The brightest spot however of yesterday goes to my husband's work. They decided to have a fundraiser bbq and surprise him with the proceeds. They invited over 500 co-worker people to this thing. It was huge from what I hear. When he came home with this I didn't even know what to say. I felt happy, tearful, and everything else in between. I have spent 90% of my life finding ways to do these things for other people who need it. It feels amazing to give to others. To receive one of these generous acts feels almost as if God himself is patting you on the back saying, Keep on going! (can't hold these tears back right now sorry). It is not just yesterday. It is has been from the time I found out I had cancer. People I know and love have gone above and beyond what I feel they needed to do. People I don't even know have done the same. I guess at the end of the day we are all people here on this earth and I am so thankful to see people helping each other. You don't have to worry about me paying this forward either because I am already working on it as we speak.
From the bottom of my heart and through my tears of happiness thank you to any person who has done any one thing no matter how big or small. I wish there were a bigger or stronger word to use. You have touched my soul and made me look at life differently. Have a wonderful day!
Feeling ok today so far. I am tired though. the stupid nausea meds that I take after make me unable to sleep at night very well. I was up from 2am till 5am staring at the walls and trying really hard to sleep.
This new medicine made me tired yesterday but that was actually the bennedryl. It is given before the chemo drug. The new drug is called Taxol. It is believed to be was less harsh and there is only one chemo drug not two. I am glad to have the combo behind me. The dosage is 4 to 6 for the combo but she said many can't tolerate 6. $ is pleanty for me. I should have little nausea now, hair will begin to grow back, and the best news was NO MORE BONE SHOT!! As you can tell I am very excited for this to happen. I really hated that thing. I only have to take one nausea med now for one day after then as needed. I was taking up to 6 after treatment before! When I saw the doctor she said that my white blood count was needing to be above 1500 or so....mine was an "impressive" 10,000!!! I am becoming a bit anemic though. This is suspected to go away with the meds and could be accounting for some of the fatigue I have.
I went into work yesterday for an hour or so. It was a bit unexpected but I seemed fine. Hopefully I will not miss work on the chemo days now...gonna play that one day by day. Really haven't missed as many days as I anticipated for being sick. The majority of time off has been to go see a doctor or have treatment. I am taking advantage of every well day and getting as much as humanly possible done. never know when the next one will be!!
The brightest spot however of yesterday goes to my husband's work. They decided to have a fundraiser bbq and surprise him with the proceeds. They invited over 500 co-worker people to this thing. It was huge from what I hear. When he came home with this I didn't even know what to say. I felt happy, tearful, and everything else in between. I have spent 90% of my life finding ways to do these things for other people who need it. It feels amazing to give to others. To receive one of these generous acts feels almost as if God himself is patting you on the back saying, Keep on going! (can't hold these tears back right now sorry). It is not just yesterday. It is has been from the time I found out I had cancer. People I know and love have gone above and beyond what I feel they needed to do. People I don't even know have done the same. I guess at the end of the day we are all people here on this earth and I am so thankful to see people helping each other. You don't have to worry about me paying this forward either because I am already working on it as we speak.
From the bottom of my heart and through my tears of happiness thank you to any person who has done any one thing no matter how big or small. I wish there were a bigger or stronger word to use. You have touched my soul and made me look at life differently. Have a wonderful day!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Diary of THE BALD WOMAN
My son as you know thinks I should name this thing The Bald Woman so I thought I would tell a little story from yesterday about her....
"Once upon a time there was a mom who was trying to get some much needed rest. It was two in the morning when her 2 year old was having leg pains (growing again). She settled her down, rubbing her legs while her eyes nodded. They both drifted off into a deep, deep, deep, deep,.........NOPE, sorry stopped rubbing....Then 5:50am rolls around she must have slept for a few hours, but why doesn't it feel that way she wonders?? There it goes, Crying again with the legs...OK ...will keep rubbing with eyes closed (will keep her from waking up surely). Then the sound....that sound she has heard too many times before. It's the dog. He is making his oh too familiar sound of.......RUN, DRAG HIM TO THE BATHROOM AND SHUT THE DOORS. (Throw up is much easier to clean up from tile.) Great, today there is about 6 or 8 small piles. She heads to the kitchen to get some paper towels and cleaner....great no paper towels. She is kicking herself now for not taking the 10 minutes to run to the store the night before. She finds the napkins (about 20 left in the bag). As she listens to the sounds of whines from the two year old who is pissed she is not able to come in the puke filled bathroom, she thinks to herself....This is gonna be a great day!
The day moves on to breakfast after she has gaged a dozen times while cleaning up after the dog. Both kids are up at this point and ready to eat. After all they did just open their eyes and that means feed me now please!! She makes them breakfast or tries to. They want all the items that she is now out of. She has to make a store run this morning before the bus comes at noon. Finally after a what seemed like an eternity they settled on some breakfast. Ahhhh finally her time to get on the computer and check emails, facebook friends, and type on her oh so humorous blog! She goes and sits down in her chair and logs on........NOPE. Internet is down. After unplugging, shutting down, and even smacking it a few times there is still no dice. Wait she remembers she has a laptop and just because the computer is not working doesn't mean no wireless.....APPARENTLY IT DID. She decides at this point that the desk is an unorganized nightmare that she will tackle that instead. Two hours later and 100 interruptions later it is done. She feels like a good run on the treadmill will let out all of the mornings frustrations. Wait the kids are hungry again... and why wouldn't they be it is 10:50 and she was crazy if she thought she could sneak something in for herself before the normal lunch time of 11:30. Quickly she fixes them lunch and then off to let off some steam. walking down the hall past the door coming in from the garage she looks down to a sea of 50 marching little black ants!!!!! She seriously feels like she is gonna lose her mind. With the paper towels gone and the napkins now almost gone from the earlier puke fest she grabs the bleach and begins to tell the ants how she feels. After that fiasco is taken care of the run is miraculously squeezed in. She grabs her 1 minute shower, puts her son on the bus, and kisses her daughter because now.....She is off to work!"
Gotta love life!!! Weather it is the ciaos that happens in normal life or the ciaos that happens in cancer life remember one thing....We are lucky to have opened our eyes that day and lets hope that we are able to wake up and do it all again tomorrow! Have a great day everyone!
"Once upon a time there was a mom who was trying to get some much needed rest. It was two in the morning when her 2 year old was having leg pains (growing again). She settled her down, rubbing her legs while her eyes nodded. They both drifted off into a deep, deep, deep, deep,.........NOPE, sorry stopped rubbing....Then 5:50am rolls around she must have slept for a few hours, but why doesn't it feel that way she wonders?? There it goes, Crying again with the legs...OK ...will keep rubbing with eyes closed (will keep her from waking up surely). Then the sound....that sound she has heard too many times before. It's the dog. He is making his oh too familiar sound of.......RUN, DRAG HIM TO THE BATHROOM AND SHUT THE DOORS. (Throw up is much easier to clean up from tile.) Great, today there is about 6 or 8 small piles. She heads to the kitchen to get some paper towels and cleaner....great no paper towels. She is kicking herself now for not taking the 10 minutes to run to the store the night before. She finds the napkins (about 20 left in the bag). As she listens to the sounds of whines from the two year old who is pissed she is not able to come in the puke filled bathroom, she thinks to herself....This is gonna be a great day!
The day moves on to breakfast after she has gaged a dozen times while cleaning up after the dog. Both kids are up at this point and ready to eat. After all they did just open their eyes and that means feed me now please!! She makes them breakfast or tries to. They want all the items that she is now out of. She has to make a store run this morning before the bus comes at noon. Finally after a what seemed like an eternity they settled on some breakfast. Ahhhh finally her time to get on the computer and check emails, facebook friends, and type on her oh so humorous blog! She goes and sits down in her chair and logs on........NOPE. Internet is down. After unplugging, shutting down, and even smacking it a few times there is still no dice. Wait she remembers she has a laptop and just because the computer is not working doesn't mean no wireless.....APPARENTLY IT DID. She decides at this point that the desk is an unorganized nightmare that she will tackle that instead. Two hours later and 100 interruptions later it is done. She feels like a good run on the treadmill will let out all of the mornings frustrations. Wait the kids are hungry again... and why wouldn't they be it is 10:50 and she was crazy if she thought she could sneak something in for herself before the normal lunch time of 11:30. Quickly she fixes them lunch and then off to let off some steam. walking down the hall past the door coming in from the garage she looks down to a sea of 50 marching little black ants!!!!! She seriously feels like she is gonna lose her mind. With the paper towels gone and the napkins now almost gone from the earlier puke fest she grabs the bleach and begins to tell the ants how she feels. After that fiasco is taken care of the run is miraculously squeezed in. She grabs her 1 minute shower, puts her son on the bus, and kisses her daughter because now.....She is off to work!"
Gotta love life!!! Weather it is the ciaos that happens in normal life or the ciaos that happens in cancer life remember one thing....We are lucky to have opened our eyes that day and lets hope that we are able to wake up and do it all again tomorrow! Have a great day everyone!
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