Time

Time is one of those things we want to speed up, slow down, stop, hurry, or go away completely. It is a measure I guess of how we feel at the moment we are in. It's a beautiful mess that we will never understand. We try to make it scientific and measure it, but we know that time is really a feeling. It is a feeling of happiness in a moment, sadness, fear, hurt, anger, and any other emotion we have. It goes along with the feelings we have.

What would you do if today you were told your time was almost over here on earth? What if somehow you knew that your time was winding down? Would you do anything different those last days here? would you call up that long lost friend? Would you be a little less stressed when someone cuts you off on the road? Would you talk nice? Hug longer? Change careers?  Forgive someone?  Travel the world? Sit at home with the ones you love? Anything....?

I am saddened over the last few days of some lives cut short. Young lives, not that it makes it any easier if you are not young, but not what we expect to deal with in our younger years? I think of these things all the time unfortunately because the reality of cancer was all too close, but these things usually come up when we have lost or seen loss around us. Children should not have to lose their parent but sadly it happens every single day. We spend so much of our lives in a go go go constant motion kind of way that we forget to breathe. Breath....how lucky we are just to have it really! When is the last time you were thankful for your breath? For some, maybe everyday, but for others that thought never enters your mind. My point today in this post is nothing more than a reminder. We are here we are alive BUT you have no idea when you time clock is up. Why wait till you are told (if you are even told) to do the things you know need to be done!?

I have no regrets from my life and truly believe that each bump in the road has given me way more than the scars it has left behind. I urge you today to take that 1 thing, that one thing that has been nagging you everyday, and do it. Make the change in your life. Make this life count! You only get one shot, for an undetermined amount of time, and it is you JOB to DO something with it! That  is why we are here. I doesn't matter how much you have it is what you do with what you DO have that is the measure of you! (Ironically enough this was the previous Sunday's topic at church.)

I feel that life is a series of UP an DOWN moments and the reactions we give to those moments. If you want a happy life, a meaningful life, a life of purpose....well go make it that way. Its your JOB to do something to make an impact around you. These people who have passed on made a mark on many that they knew and didn't know. It's your turn to do the same.
Make a difference. Make it Count. Make this world better than you found it. Instead of complaining of all the sadness, the evil, and the fear in the world be what you want to see. You will be amazed at how your world around you begins to change. We attract what we put out there. Put out positive and be positive and those are the people who will flock to you.
IT STARTS WITH YOU!

Sparks

 I can't believe the difference a year has made. I went from storms and the most challenging moments of my life so far to this pure happy and peace I feel today!
Last year at this time....I was sad. I was penniless. I almost lost everything I owned (well not owned for 30 years obviously lol). I worked constantly. I was grieving the many losses I had suffered. I delt with my own fears of my own fate/mortality. I had no idea what was coming next. I was just stuck for a while. I felt that I was in quicksand. Thanks to great friends, family, and cheerleaders that refused to leave me when I decided to sit a while, I finally got up. I stopped for a bit but from the shell of a person I had become I found something within. A spark of light that never left me.
I have always believed in the power of prayer and had great faith in God but was always held back by something. I wanted to know the future. I was trying so hard to predict the future and grieving the past that I lost the present! I had to learn that it was not about MY plans. I have been through many trials in this 35 years of life but I had never been tried and tried and tried again to the point where I finally broke. I broke. The girl who had to hold the world together around her for everyone else for so many years broke. What an insane out of control spiral of events.
There I was lying on the floor feeling as if I had been in battle. It was me, one person, against an entire army of people trying to bring me down. As I lay there on my final blow, broken and tired, I saw a spark. That spark came in the darkest hour and began to grow. I realized I was not alone. I never really was. I was surrounded by sparks and needed to find a way to bring them all together to get back up again. I broke that day, but I broke the desire to control everything that happens. I broke the desire to predict the future. I broke the desire to live in the past. I BROKE only to be built back up to an even stronger individual with knowledge and wisdom that many have not yet seen.
What a gift. I am back up on my feet but changed and different.

It amazes me how this has happened to me more than once in life and I am only 35 years old! It only takes one spark to start a fire. In our darkest moments that we may be having there is always a spark within you that can help you back up again. Know that all you need to do is stop and quit fighting so hard! It is there. It is what makes us human. It is what drives in our decisions. It is the one thing that NOBODY and NOTHING can take from you. It just sometimes takes a while to realize it is there, but once you do....watch out! One spark that begins to connect with other sparks begins to make BIG things happen!

Just stand up friends! All of the sparks are here ready to help you ignite your dreams!

Sailing into the sunset

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore"

Wow these words can't be ringing more true. I discovered something today....I am not as adventurous as I once thought I was. I take risks here and there BUT the difference is the risks that I take. I take calculated risks, you know the ones that really can't even be considered much of risk because I have thought out so much what will happen after this "risk".
There are many out there who are great risk takers.  I have heard one common theme from all of the people who have changed the world, done something amazing, and made an impact on those around them. They take the risk that it takes to get there.  They make the CHOICE to go when its dark and unknown. They ignore the voices in their head  and possibly the people that tell them to stay safe, that you will never make it, and that you are only going to mess things up again. I am not sure if it is literally that few seconds of courage you need when making the big choice or if it's an instinctive ability to ignore all you know and leave the box. Is the wonder that some people posses that nags at their brain daily (like an itch you can't scratch) to try this new thing?? Maybe it's all of these things.

I look at us as if we are all on an island. We are all here and we all know this place is great. Just as anywhere else it has its ups and downs but we are getting by just fine. There is no real reason to do anything else. We have everything we need right here. Then one day you have a thought cross your mind if there is something else out there. Nobody knows and everyone says why bother because you are OK here. You think to yourself,  'yeah you are right' and push the thought to the bottom of the list of things....for now.
Then few weeks later, here it is again. For months and months the thought comes in your mind and it gets harder each time to push it out. The wonder, the possibilities, the thought of the unknown, and the belief in something better that you can't see is out there continue to fill your mind until one day you decide that you don't even want to be on this island anymore. You now will do whatever it takes to go and see what lies past the shores and just out of your sights. When you tell the others most do not understand for they have not spent their last months contemplating all of the possibilities out there. They warn you of the dangers and remind you of the unknown that you will soon be facing. For many, this is the point in which the thought is pushed down again and you decide they are probably right and it is safer here in the place you know.
Maybe a few more attempts and still nothing will happen and then you will spend the rest of your life fine. There was nothing wrong here remember, but you will never know what may have happened if you only had the courage to try. This will nag at you forever. Then, there is the one day when you are able to possess a few moments of strength and courage and you take that moment and get your boat. You head out into the direction of your dream. You don't tell many this time for fear that they will only want you stay. They don't want to harm you but they just don't get it yet. We are never all in this place of sailing away at the same time. We are all on our own journeys but just coexisting next to each other on this island. So there you are looking back at the island that you knew and loved for all this time. You are thankful for its lessons and for your time there but you know with certainty now that out there in the other direction, the one you can't see, there IS something. Its waiting for you to go and see it. The mere thought of this is enough to almost make you turn around. As you get further away from the shore and the island begins to shrink behind you thoughts fill your mind. The words of your loved ones telling you that this is crazy, the doubt begins to fill your brain, and the unknown quickly turns on you like a scary monster in the dark. You question it and now begin to FEAR the one thing that has filled every waking moment of your thoughts for months. It now begins to grow dark, so dark now that your beautiful vision of what this was going to be is now blanketed with unknown. It is then, and only then, that you get to make your choice....you can go back to what you know and the life you had OR you can continue on in the dark knowing that very shortly the sun will rise and your dreams will soon become your reality.  So you choose...............

Trip of a Lifetime Part 2

So the day finally arrived and I was ready for this adventure. I was nervous, excited, and everything in between.
The flight was long. I am pretty sure we were on airplanes for about 14 hours. We finally arrived in Athens around 1:00 in the afternoon. I was surprised when I landed because my first impression was....it looks like the desert town I live in. I was wrong, that was just around the airport. We waited for a little while at the airport for our tour group to arrive. We had a group and off we went to the buses.
Our hotel was just outside of Athens, and it did not disappoint with the view! We walked in to a tiny European bathroom and small room that had an amazing view! I looked at the sea everyday as I woke up and went to bed. Water calms me and so this was an added bonus.  We made our way the next morning down to the beach for a nice run down the coast line. It was beautiful weather and worth getting up early to go.
We went to the Acropolis....wow! I was really speechless (which is difficult to do). We walked through the ancient ruins and listened to our knowledgeable tour guide share the history of this amazing place. The Acropolis is crazy, it is a 2500 year old ruin surrounded by the 4.5 million ppl that live in Athens. I felt on this day that I was a part of history. In all the history that was shared there was so much fighting and big shocker it was about money and power. Isn't it funny that in 3000 years we have not  changed! I thought about how many storms that building saw, how many wars, how much creativity and worship, and how many difficult times in history that it faced. It is still standing, not all in one pretty little piece but it is there. It is a reminder of the journey that has happened. If only we were all so lucky to leave a little mark on the world. I wondered if they ever even imagined that their work would effect, inspire, and move people all these years later. I left wanting to write, draw, paint, and create something (unfortunately none are my forte but hey I was inspired!).

Then we went to the Temple of Poseidon. It was amazing as well! We got to drive down the coastline which for me is always a treat. It was equally as wonderful to touch the structure that is older than I can imagine. Lord Byron even stopped by many years ago and carved his name into the columns with many other names and old dates. It was beautiful too. The structure is on the top of a point with nothing but the most beautiful sea views I have EVER seen. The water was so clear that you could see rocks on the bottom pretty far out. Again I tried to imagine the people that created this temple and looked out into the most perfect day at sea. It was so calm yet this structure is weathered and tattered. We can only imagine the storms it has seen. Much like us in our own lives, it stands through the good days like this and weathers the  storms that come its way. I felt happy and peaceful upon this rock looking out remembering all the storms that I have faced. I am here too just as this structure. I may not be in perfect condition but I am here. I have stood through the storms and reveled in the beautiful days that have come my way too.  Then we headed down the road to a cute cafe for lunch enjoying this beautiful day and view!

Then there was the whole reason I went on this trip...the marathon!! What an experience in itself that was. First off I believe there were more people at the start line of this race than lived in my little old hometown in Missouri! It was crazy insane for me to see that many people. I was feeling very overwhelmed when I got off the bus at the start line and thank goodness my two new friends stayed with me the whole time!! I also met and took a pic with batman (who came from Mexico to run this race).  I took a picture next the Olympic flame that was lit at the top of some stairs! It was really surreal. They started the race with fireworks, confetti, and warmed up with some Greek folk dancing. It was amazing, and so amazing I was like...do i really want to run now!? LOL The race started and I decided to try out Jeff Galloway's run/walk/run plan so I could take pictures and enjoy this journey. It too did not disappoint. It conserved my energy surprisingly and I felt great the whole race. Now...I say that BUT.....the race was NOT easy! Not even a little. I would say pretty much the first 20 miles were a gradual but rolling UPHILL. Yes I said 20 miles. I am not even kidding. It had breaks that were just enough to trick you into thinking that it would get easier but nope the gradual uphill path did finally make me question my sanity (numerous times)! However, just as I have done in life I pushed through. The entire race was filled with people on the streets (literally the whole race had people outside clapping and yelling bravo). They were awesome and gave out many high fives. There were bands, drums, and dj's playing all types of music that of course I danced to as I ran through. Mile 20 provided the relief I had been looking for and downhill it was from there. My speed picked up and my heart grew happy. Very near the end I started thinking about my life over the last few years and realized that this race was my life! 20 miles of tough uphill work, mile 20 relief  (i win this trip), and then things get a bit easier (still have to work hard, but def easier). I entered the stadium. The stadium that housed the very first Olympics! The stadium that many amazing athletes have been honored in and I crossed the line, looked up and pointed up to the sky, and then thanked those angels that had been with me on my journey and I cried. I have never cried but the hard work it took to get to this finish line (my life at that point) was so overwhelming that I couldn't help it. I was so thankful, happy, and overwhelmed with amazement. Then I hear.... HOLLY....my husband, my best friend in the world, waves to me and it was then that I knew I was going to be ok. Life as I knew it changed. Peace finally was with me. The ghosts and difficulties of the past were gone and I was nothing but happy! We finished off the race with the most amazing soak in the salty Aegean Sea (best part of the day by far)!!

 

 

We spent several more days shopping, eating the wonderful food, and seeing the sights. We even had the last day on an island cruise. It was my favorite place in Greece by far. I am not much of a big city girl liking 4.5 million people, but the islands....oh yes I can do that! They were beautiful beyond words and looked exactly as I had expected.....gorgeous!! We walked around and took 25 pictures of cool doors and architecture. Wonderful trip and made it very difficult to leave. The cruise also had great dancing and music to entertain us on the 3 hour journey home.

 

This really was one of my most memorable moments and I can't believe still that it happened to me. It did though and I thank God daily that I was able to live out a dream and check off my bucket list. I am forever grateful for the friends I made, the sights I saw, and the lessons I learned about myself. I feel different after returning from this trip. I feel that good things are coming my way and just as I did in this race I will keep moving forward to the finish line of this chapter and I will celebrate and move on to the next chapter of my life.

Sorry for the long post but I really could go on forever. If you are ever up for a 400+ slide show of pics you let me know!!

Thank you to all of you out there that cheered us on and supported this journey. I hope you realize that you made a difference in my life! Love and hugs!!!!

 

 

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Trip of a LIfetime Part 1

Well I just returned from Athens, Greece yesterday from the most memorable trip. It feels as if it was a dream and I just woke up to tell you the story, but it was REAL!!! Let me start by giving you a little background if you do not all ready know (if you do know...feel free to skip this part)

If you look back a year ago on this blog I wrote a few posts about checking off bucket list items
First Marathon(Bucket List check off)
checking off the bucket list
I ran my first marathon post cancer to check off some items off a bucket list of things. It was amazing as you can see. Well what didn't get into this post is that I went to the marathon expo. Now really this is not that big of a deal and that is why I did not put it in the post....boy was I wrong!!! I strolled through the expo getting samples of gu, new shirts, trying on the latest and greatest shoes and then I noticed that in the corner was a famous marathoner, Jeff Galloway, and always up to meet an inspirational person I went over to the corner. He was visiting with another expo participant about marathoning and I waited and waited just to say hello. As I waited upon the table there were sign up forms for a FREE TRIP TO RUN THE ATHENS MARATHON. I stood there waiting and remember thinking...Yeah ok that sounds awesome and going to Greece, Wow, soooo I put my name on the paper, literally NEVER to think of it again. I said hello to Jeff and went on my merry way! This was October 2012!!!! (that is me in the middle by the way)

July ish 2013 my phone rings, messages left, and several emails received.....LIFE CHANGED THAT MOMENT!!! Mr Jeff Galloway's office was calling me to inform me that I, little old Holly, had been drawn out of the millions of entries over the last year and HAD WON THE TRIP TO ATHENS TO RUN THE ORIGINAL MARATHON COURSE! After weeks of believing it was a scam I finally realized that this was no scam it was actually coming true! Amazed, blessed, and completely dumbfounded I accepted this opportunity of a  lifetime and was on the road to Athens.
Now let me give you a "quick version" of the back story prior to this trip.....I had cancer (obviously hence the name of the blog).   Then within a two year period life really got difficult. My husband lost his very very good job in a mass layoff of workers 2 weeks after I had quit my job to live a dream and be a stay home mom and run the charity. Then, my dear sweet wonderful grandma passed away and became my first angel. The friends came next. Within a week of this another dear old friend lost her battle with cancer of all things. A few more friends lost their battles months after that to the stupid beast cancer. At this point I was feeling very close to rock bottom of emotions. I felt like I was continually getting kicked in the face as I laid their on the ground crying. Then, then final straw came along. Only 6 months after losing my first grandmother, my last grandparent remaining here on earth and one of my best friends at the time left me as well. My other grandma who I had just had a glass of wine with two days prior left too. I was done. I hit the bottom of the hole. I checked out of life to live in a very sad place for a while. Luckily the sad eventually lifted, but only after a long road of soul searching and running! Running became my ONLY thing that I had control over. There was so much taken that I felt I had nothing left. My never ending faith and my family/friends is the only reason I am through this mess today.
Needless to say winning something, being GIVEN something, just felt like a welcomed change! I was excited and ready for adventure. Then reality tried to kick back in as this was only a trip for 1!!! With some encouragement and support from my great friends I decided to spend the next few months doing ANY odd jobs and asking for help to live this dream. It was a tough road trying to raise the extra money to bring my BEST friend, my husband, but I did it! We got all things in order and prepared for a life changing experience......and it did not disappoint! This trip changed my entire life!!!

Trip of a lifetime to be continued.......

Silence

Silence is something I struggle with. I don't like it. I fill my days as full as possible, can't ever sit still, and purposely put more than enough on my plate so I will never be empty.
I am sure many can relate to this busy moms problems. I never get breaks of silence, but when I do I fill them quickly with something else to avoid it and then become frustrated when I don't have any me time. Humorous isn't it! I am not sure why I do this. I have just been sitting here on a rare occasion with no kids or husband, my workout complete, and working later today. I don't even know what to do. When I sit in silence I think (well I think 24/7 but I think about me I mean). I now sit here in the silence analyzing every decision I have made, friendships gone astray, my struggles seeming to never be ending, my families health, and what have i done with my life. I have been given a gift to be here on this earth. I was given a chance to change things and there are days I feel I don't live up to that high expectation I have placed upon myself. If I am only here one time why don't I do more?? Why can't I just find what it is I am here for?? I often wonder if these are problems of everyone. Maybe?  This kind of silence is brutal and probably why I avoid it.
When I run alone out on a trail I am in silence. The same thoughts race through my mind but there is a release out there on that trail that doesn't happen when i sit here thinking. That must be why this blog is still so important to me. I don't even post all of the things I am thinking.  Can you imagine how long it would be!!? Since cutting way back on my training due to injury and trying not to re-injur myself those great moments have been taken from me.
Silence is hard for me but silence is good for me. It gives me a chance to think of all my inadequacies, my strengths, and my gifts I have been given. When I use the silence to focus on all my things I wish were different I have just wasted the welcomed break in the day. I often think my purpose is to do something huge and grand but maybe just maybe that is not it at all. Maybe I just need to sit in this silence and listen.

 

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I may be in, therin to be content.
-Helen Keller

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For Kellie

Thank you to Danni and Lizzy for writing this amazing song!


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=725482594135015&l=2510060511766981008


RIP tribute to my beautiful friend Kellie